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Mom is 85 with dementia and she is currently taking 13 mg of Melatonin every night but only sleeps an hour or so, gets back up, and thinks it's morning again! She will get fully dressed and expect my dad to take her to Waffle House for breakfast plus she has tried to take her morning meds all over again but it's really night time. Help!! This cycle is killing my 86 year old father. I help as much as I can with her but I'm not there at night. He doesn't like to drive at night because he doesn't see well...

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It sounds like mom's care is more than dad can manage. Time for another option, memory care for mom.
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Sarah3 Sep 2020
for you and many others that may be the case however it’s important to be realistic and understand that for many families and couples they choose not to or they choose to only use a facility as a very last resort as there are benefits ( to many families and couples) to having a loved one stay at home
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Her disease is messing up her circadian clock. She doesn't know night from day. My wife would wake up at 2 or 3 AM, get dressed and leave the house!! Likewise, your mom thinks it's time to get up, get dressed and start the day. Has she been diagnosed as to the disease that's causing demntia? Hallucinations are very indicative of Lewy body dementia, but AD is also possible.

You mom could take 500 grams of melatonin, it wouldn't do a thing for her sleep. I'm surprised her dr. even suggested it. OTC sleep aids are also no-no's. The antihistamines used in all of them have been linked to dementia and are not approved for use with dementia patients. The dr. needs to prescribe something like trazodone.

All that said, the solution is to look at MC facilities. Your dad is already at witts end. The stress will only get worse as the disease gets worse. So start looking at care facilities. Your mom will be well cared for.
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Sarah3 Sep 2020
Its really not healthy or conducive to adult discussion to tell someone “this is what your solution is”— I’ve gone to a cg support group and one ground rule they have is to be a empathetic ear to talk to and ok to offer suggestions but the big no no is we aren’t allowed to tell others what to do as it comes across or often can come across as judgmental, 95% of the time everyone has respected the rule, every once in a blue moon when someone slips up and comments “I would never do that this is what you should do” they are quietly reminded that’s against the rules so it remains a safe space for all to share with the knowledge we can’t assume or decide for others, not everyone thinks the same there’s diversity that makes it more rich in forming genuine connections
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You first wrote in April 2019. Your poor dad! Don't you think it's time to consider a facility for your mother?
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redsnappa7764 Sep 2020
Yes I have considered Memory Care for Mom and even in-home care just to help out with the day to day stuff to give him a break but he refuses. He refused before Covid and definitely refuses now. I go there 3 days a week to help give him a break but he won't consider anyone coming in the home or putting her somewhere. He just wants her to sleep so he can get some rest. Tomorrow I'm calling her doctor for suggestions. You know people in their 80's are stubborn, set in their ways, and my dad is tight with his money. I also believe he's in denial.
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Imagine your dad being well rested, being able to be your mother’s caregiver in a setting that can appropriately provide the level of care she now requires, it would be a gift to him. Your mom can’t help the path she’s going down, time to look out for him before he’s the one worse off. He’ll still be her husband and caregiver, just one who can advocate for her while she’s getting care she needs. Wishing you all the best
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13 mgs of melatonin is a pretty low dose of a SUPPLEMENT (not a drug) and it's no wonder it's not working.

Most elders with sleep issues are on something prescribed by their dr and well known to be a sleep aid.

Someone mentioned Trazadone-that is often used for older people and really, really works. Mother has taken it for YEARS.


If dad could handle things if she'll just SLEEP all night, then, good for him! But the poor sleep is a deal breaker. I have found that I HAVE to get plenty of good quality sleep. I used to get by on 6 hrs, now I need 10-12.

So, your poor dad, he's not sleeping enough and that can cause some real health problems for him. Will he consider a MC facility? Someplace that they can share, or even just for her? I know with COVID, this isn't a great time to be trying to place someone, but the pre-placement work could begin.

Is he aware that about 40% of CGs die before their 'patient'? We just lost a dear friend last week to that exact dynamic. Wife had cared for hubby through thick and thin and SHE'S the one who has a massive stroke.

I wish you all the best. Dad will need your love and support through this!
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My client took 10mg Melatonin (MAX SUGGESTED) and stopped working.
I changed it to 50mg Benadryl and works like a charm. Little groggy in the mornings, but nothing a cup of coffee doesnt fix.
Deb RN
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YoungCare Sep 2020
Is it ok to give that kind of medication to people with Dementia? Doesn't the chance of them having delirium go up with meds like that? I read that melatonin and other sleep aids can affect them in a negative way, (webmd etc).
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We have my mom on a prescription sleep pill.  I don't need it every night, but it is good to have.  It also helps her reset her sleep cycle.   In all likelihood, a MC facility will put her on sleeping pill goo
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My best friend in college had a grandmother who was from Scotland. At bedtime grandma insisted on a “hot toddy”. Not knowing what that was I asked my friend who told me her grandmother had this every night as it helped her sleep. It is warm milk and a shot of something alcoholic (brandy?).
Grandma lived to be 93.

Don’t throw shade on me, lol but it worked.

Speak with her doctor first of course but it’s just a suggestion.
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graygrammie Sep 2020
Hot toddy -- now there's a phrase I haven't had in years! My mom used to have her hot toddy every night when I was kid. Sadly, when I went away to college mom became an alcoholic and was finally forced into stopping by a hospitalization for a seizure forty years later. No access to alcohol forced her body into DTs. It was horrible to see. But I cleaned out her house while she was in the hospital and dad watched her carefully and I don't think she ever went back to heavy drinking (I do suspect her hairdresser was supplying her with some alcohol though, but very small quantities). I wish I had known that sleeping was the purpose of the hot toddy, I would have gladly let her have them in her final years when she couldn't drive and couldn't leave the house unassisted if it would have meant dad would have gotten sleep at night.
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My 98 year old mother was not sleeping well at night for about a month, Her Neurologist suggested melatonin 3- 5 mg and worked like a charm, but in the morning was a bit lethargic and aggressive. I stopped it and she is still sleeping sound. I am going to use it only on a when needed basis. I made her doctor aware and aggressive and lethargy subsided during the day.
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sunshinelife Sep 2020
chamomile & catnip tea has no side effects, will bring deep sleep & soothe the stomach.
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Red:
You explained Mom gets up and wants Dad to take her to the Waffle House for breakfast in the middle of the night.

It struck me as important that you needed to explain why he doesn't take her:
"He doesn't like to drive at night because he doesn't see well...".

Uhmmmm....

Has your Mom run the show, making unrealistic demands before her dementia got worse? Dad needs help too if he cannot say "NO" or put his foot down. Do you have anyone in the family who is a bit more forceful and cannot have the wool pulled over their eyes?

At their age, can they go together to Assisted Living, be together, but with enough help to have this caregiving burden lifted?

If done early, the bad things are less likely to separate them, and the changes can be dealt with safely in AL.

This sounds like a very difficult circumstance, and I hope you all will find a good resolution, not waiting too long.
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Hello redsnappa,
mom definitely needs to attend a adult day care for about 8 hours a day which will help with sleeping at night. Dad could sleep while she is there so by the time she gets back he would have had some rest. Melatonin is great but does not work for everyone. A hot totty is a good idea if she does not have other health issues or meds that alcohol would interact with. Be careful of meds that a doc may prescribe, it can do more harm than good. Doctors are not always correct. It’s not a one size fit all. Parents are very stubborn but you have to be more aggressive in making a decision. Good luck and we are here for you....
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A double tea bag, mug of Chamomile Tea. Knocks you out ...
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Sarah3 Sep 2020
A great twist on that is adding a tablespoon of raw honey 1-2 hours before bedtime
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I have mine on 20 because I’d increase and she’d not sleep we are at 20 now and so far so good but I do not know how long it’s going to last it’s been a month and it’s still working i don’t know how high I can go with the melatonin but if thiquits working at 20 I’m going to have to phone her Dr
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Melatonin caused my husband to be sleepless.
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I have my mom take an all natural sleep product from Amare.
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Don’t be afraid to try CBD without THC. it helps my mom relax. They come in gummies, easy to take. Try it.
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Screennamed Sep 2020
PLEASE STOP, CBD dangerously inhibits the CYP450 system.
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This problem could be caused by overmedication.

Dad kept passionately telling healthcare providers that Mom was on too much medication. No one listened to him, in fact, her medical records made no mention of his concerns, but stated Instead that he was ranting, and suffering from the beginnings of dementia (which was not true).

Take a look at all prescribed medications and supplements. Chart out medical purpose, negative side effects, dangerous interactions and proper dosages (for someone with your mother’s weight). You can start with the printouts provided by the pharmacy and augment your chart with information available online.

Mom was prescribed so many medications (incrementally slowly, most added during hospitalizations) that she could not function well. She had one of those pill boxes with many compartments and so many pills that the boxes could not even snap shut. She was waking at night ready to go out too. The sheer number of different medications were ridiculous and the dosages were only appropriate for a much larger person to begin with.

After refusals by several doctors (who told me I was in denial regarding the aging process) I found a doctor who was willing to listen to me regarding dad’s concerns and helped slowly wean mom down to dosages that were manageable for her body (which it turns out were lower than even what was recommended for her weight). Do not attempt weaning anyone off medication without a doctor’s supervision, as this could be very dangerous if not done correctly. It turned out that about 3 of Mom’s medications were not needed at all.

She completely bounced back! She felt so much better, sleep returned to normal cycles, she was happier, her memory sharpened, she stopped falling/regained balance, and even was able to exercise (and take fairly long walks) again. As Dad, at that time, was her primary caretaker too, his health and lifestyle improved significantly also.

A visiting nurse told me many of her other patients were in the same boat - when she told them our story and they were weaned, they also experienced a miracle.
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sunshinelife Sep 2020
Its called toxicity due to polypharmacy...you are 100% correct. Older people cannot metabolize drugs (poisons by definition) like a younger body. So they end up with very high levels of multiple drugs in the body. Many die from the compound side effects of the drugs, Not any disease. You were strong to stand up to the medical system. I admire you for doing so. Allowing someone else to decide what they will do to ones own body is crazy to me.
I took my grandfather slowly but surely off all the drugs he was on...and replaced them with healthy foods & herbs. He smoked from 15 to 75 yoa, so his body is not ever going to be as good as someone who didn't...However, he rides his bicycle around the area, swims in summer & sleeps well at night. He does get depressed, & irrational, & imagine all sorts of things. And generally give me a hard time. I hang in their because he's my Grandpa, and I love him
However, he is for all intents & purposes a healthy man at 85
Watch "Death by Medicine" by Gary Null sometime on YT it is very enlightening
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My grandmother died of Alzheimer’s- her doc told my grandpa to have her drink a shot of captain Morgan every night. Grandpa said it worked pretty well. Apparently it did because when my cousin and I went to help Grandpa by cleaning out her things there was about 50 empty Captain Morgan bottles in one of the kitchen cupboards!
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sunshinelife Sep 2020
Grandma & Grandpa were busy :)) Alcohol is initially a sedative , then a few hours later becomes a stimulant. Hence people who drink waking in the small hours of the morning. The Doctor was uninformed. However, Im glad your Grandpa stuck by your Grandma all the way to the end. Special kind of man. Not too many like that ...bless his heart
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Sleep disruption is not uncommon. Have you talked to her doctor about it? At some point, you may have to consider assisted living for her or having an aide come in to watch over her at night, so your father can get some rest. Try to get connected with social service organizations in your area that can help you.
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I don’t have an answer, but I have had similar sleep issues, myself. Which began while caring for my dad.

I Now take 5 mg melatonin, sleep a few hours, take another 5 mg.

I used Trazadone 100 mg for over a year. It worked, sort of, but my personality changed for the worse, I became sluggish and detached. Spaced out.

Benadryl also worked for sleeping, but caused me to become depressed and sluggish. I never took it more than a few days.

Plenty of exercise during the day helps, (especially outdoor exercise), but isn’t always possible.
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sunshinelife Sep 2020
valerian caps 3 an hr before sleep. Epsom salts in the bath. catnip tea
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Melatonin only helps with falling to sleep, not staying asleep. My dad was put on Trazadone at bedtime to help him sleep and it worked. It is a antidepressant used off label for this. Ask her doctor.
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Mary9999 Sep 2020
I agree about Trazadone. I've been taking it for years (50 mg) to get a good night's sleep, with no morning or daytime after-effects. Friends are also taking it successfully. At a meeting at the senior center here, one of the counselors said he was also taking Trazadone, and said many seniors rely on it for sleep. I also agree on the CBD recommendations, although it may not be as easy to obtain as Trazadone. Do check with her doctor.
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13 mg of Melatonin is way too much! Too much is as bad as too little. Taking a large amount can actually cause sleep problems. Did her doctor recommend this dosage? Consult her physician for advice.
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The wisdom of a care facility or in home help aside one of the things that can happen with Meletonin and in fact any medication for sleep (yes I know meletonin is natural, it’s still being used to treat something) is that often our bodies adapt to it so either the dose needs to be increased, causing other issues or the medication needs to be changed. Talk to her doctor but magnesium oil can help tremendously with sleep as well as muscle cramps like Charlie horses and I think restless legs. apply it on the inside of her thigh or some other fatty area for absorption before bed. Start slow, don’t use too much, if her body is low in magnesium it will sting or tingle a little and it may give her some loose stools but as her body builds back up to the stores it needs that will subside. This has worked for me personally as well as other I know, meletonin didn’t work for long and as I recall didn’t help me stay asleep. Whatever it takes at least in the short run, your dad needs his sleep! So does mom for that matter. My mom used to confuse day and night as well and take the wrong meds or once I think she doubled up over a few hours, she has always liked her naps, that hasn’t changed, we solved this problem by getting one of those round auto dispensers. We fill two weeks worth of morn and eve pills in it and set the time so each dose is made available at the appropriate time, she can’t get to the wrong pills and it’s obvious when she hasn’t taken them. If she misses taking say her morning pills, this doesn’t happen for us because we check every morning and evening to make sure, when the next does reveals itself the last one gets covered back up so she can’t double up.

Good luck
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Natural doesn't mean harmless and when something isn't working more is not always the answer. Despite some of the advice given here and the ready availability of higher dose tablets you need to remember that the recommended dose to start with is 1 - 3 mg progressing to 10 mg if needed, higher amounts for longer periods can cause many unpleasant side effects,even rebound insomnia. Nigh time wakefulness and sundowning are one of the most difficult aspects of dementia to control, they need to work with the doctor to try to find a solution (or find a different doctor who will address this).

(Since others are sharing what they used - my mother was given mirtazapine, another antidepressant, you can see one size doesn't fit all)

Another edit - you might be interested to know that serotonin is naturally converted to melatonin at night which is probably why some antidepressants work for insomnia. If you are looking for something natural perhaps less melatonin at night and instead some 5 HTP in the morning 🤔
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Sendhelp Sep 2020
Brand name is Remeron.
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13 mg may be too much.
Try 5 mg and 1/2 dropper of 1000 mgs of CBD OIL.
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Screennamed Sep 2020
CBD recommendations are DANGEROUS, b/c CBD interferes with the CYP450 system
Basically CBD is THE playground bully that physically blocks (gatekeeps) other kids from entering the playground as they normally do.
Some kids are zoomed in/out faster whilst others are processed slower.
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A UTI infection caused my 101 year old mother to develop a case of delirium. She was not sleeping at all and talking constantly. I thought she might die from exhaustion. The ER doctor had prescribed antiobiotic pills for a 7 day course and said her delirium should clear up. The delirium did not go away. A week later, she was admitted to the hospital for IV antiobiotic treatment of the same UTI (the antibiotic pills did not completely clear it). At that time the doctor put her on Respiridone. She is still taking a very small does regularly twice a day now. It is a blessing as she sleeps through the night plus her delirium as decreased considerably although it still manifests itself every now and then. Different medications work differently in the elderly. Each person is unique. Your mother should be seen by a doctor to find the right treatment for her. It might be trial and errorf for awhile. I was lucky the first medication is working so well for my mother. She had exhausted both of us with her no sleeping and constant talking inbetween the intial UTI treatment and the second in hospital UTI treatment.
In desperation for both of us to get some sleep, I had tried melatonin with my mom that week before the second antiobiotic treatment but it only made her delrium worse.
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earlybird Sep 2020
My mothers suffers with chronic UTI's, and in fact she is now in the hospital receiving IV antibiotics. Urinary tract infections in the elderly can be very difficult to treat because of the resistance to antibiotics, colonizing in the bladder, biofilm, and getting more super infection one after another, very frustrating and sad for our loved ones. We are running out of options with the antibiotics getting resistant to PO meds, only a few are sensitive. Sometimes my mom will go home the same day, placed on PO antibiotics and told by doctor if she is resistant the ER doctor will call and prescribe one that is sensitive. Trying to keep mom out of the hospital, but can get very ill with these infections and do not want her to become septic. I am glad the medication is working for your mothers delirium. I hope your mother starts to feel better soon. I will keep that medication in mind in case she may need to try something different to calm her. Thanks for posting.
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That dose seems high.
If you have the urge to try one of the "night time sleep aids" that contain the medication that is in Benedryl it is not without problems. The medication in benedryl can cause what I call a Foggy Brain. I tried it once and realized that I should stop giving it to my Husband. I figure if I woke up with a foggy brain what the heck is it doing to someone that already has dementia!
Check with her doctor, there are medications that can help. (keep in mind all medications come with a risk of side effects)
If possible keep her as active as possible during the day so she is tired and will be more apt to stay asleep.
Larger meal in the morning smallest meal at night might make it easier to sleep.
Limit liquids prior to going to bed. Eliminate stimulants before going to bed (anything with caffeine)
Try to eliminate the TV prior to going to bed, at least 30 minutes.
And maybe a sound machine of night time sounds, crickets might help.

By the way from what I have been told if there is light on it does limit the effectiveness of Melatonin so if a light is kept on for her that might also be contributing to the problem
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If you use Melatonin all the time, your body stops producing it, itself. Not good. Try Unisom with doxylamine succinate. Doesn't cause dementia like Benadryl. CBD is also a really great idea!
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onions Sep 2020
I agree 100% with geevesnc. CBD!!! No god awful side effects like Unisom, or any over the counter drug medications. They're ALL TERRIBLE.
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Confusion of time does happen with dementia and it indicates a need to expand the care support network. to include a "night nurse." Ask family, friends, community of faith, and hired home health aide to watch mom for 8 hours every night - while dad sleeps. These helpers should be able to redirect mom back to bed, help with any mobility and toileting needs, and make a light snack if needed. Please also talk to mom's health care provider about a sleeping medication that will help her to fall asleep and stay asleep. Also make sure that she is not sleeping too much during the day which will sabotage her sleep-wake cycle. Check with mom's health insurance to see if home health aide is covered or will need to beout of pocket.
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The highest dose of melatonin to be taken is 10 mg. My mom (84) takes this in addition to an anxiety med and it helps a lot. My aunt (91) takes anxiety meds to help her settle down and sleep. A lot of the sleep aid OTC are too strong for the elderly and add to a fall risk. As always ask their primary care doctor first.
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