I may have to take my mom's dog away from her. Any advice?

I had one more thought - if you feed the dog complete nutrition, not dog food from the grocery store, it will most likely be full and not interested in the treats your mom passes to it. Try balanceit.com - it is a supplement you add to meat that you buy and cook. The potato is very good for loose stools and fills them up,

You might take the dog home with you so he would be cared for properly and when you go see your mom take the dog with you to see her. Maybe you could even leave the dog with her for an hour or so and you go run errands or go shopping.

What about if this doggie we have been talking about goes to AshLynne? Would that be a solution? ☆★☆★☆

Laura, sorry you are going through this. I had my Mom with me in an in-law apartment downstairs, where she had her own space. She had a dog (also 11) and a bird. She had dementia and had several things going on mentally and physically that she hid from me for a long time.

Don't wait for her to make the decision. You have to be the one to convince her now is the time and can use the reason for the dog's health sake and care to make it easier on her. I am sure I don't have to tell you that you are taking on a monumental task. Please do yourself a favor, and have a family gathering to let everyone else know that your Mom needs you all right now and everyone is going to have to contribute - convenient or not. I could go on and on, but will close with your Mom really does need you now and you will feel better knowing you did everything you could to help her and return the love she showed you growing up. We owe them that. Good luck ...

You got some very helpful answers, but my Mom moved into our house with her dog and it has not been a good situation. Hopefully your mom's dog is well behaved/trained? My mom's is very badly behaved and takes every opportunity to get into our bedroom and pee/poop. My mom says the dog is just trying to make me mad....and it has worked. She makes excuses for everything the dog does like chew up things, bark, scratch everyone and run out the front door when it is opened then gets mad at us or the grandkids for complaining. We have tried to get the dog training, but she refuses to believe the dog needs any training. Good luck when that time comes and I hope it works out better for you.

First of all, your mother should not be alone! Please find a place that takes pets and is monitored by staff for mom, and/or hire someone to stay with her full-time. Try advertising for a caregiver that needs room and board. Surely you can find someone or do it yourself. Both the dog and she will suffer badly if they are separated. Keep them together.

I started this post back in January 2016 and thanks again for the good advice from all of you. Sadly, my Mom's dog had cancer of the spleen and had to be euthanized last March. That created a chain reaction and my Mom's health took a downturn as I was not surprised. She ended up in the hospital twice and also acute care rehab within this past month due to exacerbation of heart failure and pulmonary hypertension. She is now living with us and enjoys the company our our two small dogs. She is getting a lot better and I suspect she wasn't taking her heart meds properly due to her dementia. These incidents finally forced her to move from her condo which I have been trying to get her to do. Thanks all!

So glad to hear your mom is with you and enjoying your pets. Sorry for the loss of her own dog.

Laura - So happy your mother is with you and has the company of your dogs! I'm happy, happy, and sorry for the dog that had cancer. Why couldn't the vet just excise the spleen? My husband had a pancreatic sarcoma where doctors took most of the pancreas and all of the spleen. You can live without a spleen. But, I am glad she has you and dogs in her life now!

I say if you take that dog away you might as well be willing to be responsible for killing your mom. My tacobell dog lived 20 years on table food. If that dog means that much to her & it is her only companion then let it be. She will have to clean up after the dog. Any way you can keep the dog for her & bring it to see her & her to see it? You can't just take it away like that she will develop depression badly & quickly. I promise ya that. She may even react unlike you even thought of. She nor the dog have many many years left let them be & let them be happy. She isnt killing the dog good grief. Mine would have died a long time ago but lived to be 20 & all she ever ate was table food & she wasnt overweight either.

I have been in animal welfare work now for almost 50 years and have seen everything. I keep preaching, sometimes to deaf ears, when anyone adopts a pet, the first thing you must do is immediately make safe provisions for that dear pet in case of illness or death. And this must be updated at least once a year and all family members should be aware of this. To remove an old animal and put it into a shelter is absolutely sick and horrifying and there is only one result. I think the family should consider how much that animal means and meant and should welcome it into the family home - after all, the animal is a living being and should be allowed to spend the remaining time of its life in a safe, happy haven. And as to adopting older animals, I have done it - I rescued one almost l3 years old when her mother constantly neglected her. She was one of the most wonderful, loving animals I was ever blessed to have. Older animals deserve a chance too. And as to your mother's reaction, you may have to provide some white lies - the animal became sick and is now at peace, or your children want to love her and adopt her, etc. Sounds like she cannot and will not take proper care of the dog - time to save the animal and do whatever you must with your mother. The animal should not have to suffer because of your mother's actions or non-actions. No if's, and's or but's - rescue the animal now and welcome it into your home for the short time it has left on this earth.

Living Trusts don't have to be updated yearly. You just say "the pets you have" type of thing. This way when you are not able to care for them, someone who you have chosen will be able to come in and take care of them. We have rescued many older dogs/cats from older people who either die or are put out of their homes. Very sad. Your pet should not suffer.

Laura: Wow! So sorry this that happened to her dog. Glad she is enjoyed your pups, just make sure they aren't a trip hazard for her.

Please relax ! Chances are your Mom won't kill the dog...just tell her the things you have heard that are definitely "no no's" chocolate affects their kidneys, no they shouldn't have onions, grapes and a few other things. Anyway, my Dad gives his dog 1/2 of everything he eats including steak. Lol Lol lol. His last dog lived 15 yrs. so hey if it makes him happy and the dog happy... That's all that matters

I have been involved in every facet of animal welfare for nearly 50 years - it is my passion in life to help and save animals everywhere from a local to an international level. I surely understand the animal/bond connection probably more than most. But you say this person has dementia and therefore no matter what you do or say, the odds are with her acts of "kindness" (what she thinks is loving the poor dog), she is actually killing the dog and leading that dog to a miserable end. I would personally find a way to take the poor dog into YOUR HOME (please don't tell me no) and take care of the dog. Then go and visit with your mother off and on with the dog but tae the dog with you. If she has dementia, she won't understand and probably as soon as you are gone she will forget the dog is not right next to her. I had a similar situation when I took care of an elderly cat. In this case the woman constantly went off for a week or two at a time to stay with family and the cat was left behind. For three years every single day when she did this (and it was not easy for me), I went and took care of the poor cat and played with her. The woman had mild dementia and saw nothing wrong with leaving the cat on her own. Finally one day after three years when the cat was 12 or 13, I just "stole" her and took her home with me - it was one of the best things I ever did. The cat was a love and joy and she lived to age l7 and I miss her terribly. So, if there is dementia, GET THAT DOG AWAY AND TAKE HER HOME WITH YOU!

I answered this in another post but I forgot to add something. I am a Power of Attorney to a long-time friend. She has very serious mental issues and it got so bad I was forced to put her into a nursing home where she is in a lock-down unit. Her husband, also with issues, was blind to everything. I take care of him too. They had two cats who were seriously being neglected. When I act to put her into the home, I immediately adopted the two kitties (both older cats) and they thrived and were very happy. Within a day or two, she had totally forgotten and never ever mentioned them again or inquired about them. People with dementia should NOT have pets to care for - they are incapable of doing so in a safe, good way. That dog must go into your home - the poor dog should not have to suffer because someone has dementia. Do the kind thing and take that dog - now. If you don't, how can you live with yourself?

I agree with Dontask4handout! Taking them both into your home should resolve the problem for both of them. She needs to be around familiar things and her dog is the most familiar thing she has. In addition to having a Dad with dementia, I am disabled and my dog is my life. If someone took her away I would probably have to be hospitalized!

One more thing... While we were looking at Assisted Living facilities for my Dad we found that at least some of them will completely care for a resident's dog. I don't think that is as good of a solution as moving them in with you but if she eats in the dining room and you limit the food items in her AL apartment it could work.

I'm going through a situation with my 89yr old mom, who has a 3lb, 5yr old Maltese Terrier. My mom, who has dementia and lives alone, doesn't want her groomed and sees nothing wrong with her; it's unintentional neglect. When we really challenge her, trying to make a point that she needs a groomer, Mom insists that she absolutely has been groomed - last week is often the answer. We are told not to argue with those with Alzheimer, so what can be done. Yesterday I had to take the dog to the vet to be sedated and shaved. I brought her home with me to see if I could build her up - she's so fragile. My mom is very agitated and is demanding I bring her dog back to her. How are 4 grown adults so afraid of the wrath of their mother? For the health of the dog she shouldn't go back; for the health of my mom she needs her - what a catch 22.

Going forward, can you simply take the dog to the groomer yourself on a regular basis?

It's true that arguing with a dementia patient is useless, but the dementia patient also shouldn't be running the show. The dog gets taken to the groomer on a regular basis. No argument, it just happens.

I so can understand all the responses. I adopted a dog for mom last year prior to the dementia diagnoses. This last fall that mom had put her in the hospital and rehab for one month. I took the dog with me. Mom has been begging me to give the dog back. I told her the dog is a tripping hazard and that the dog needs to be able to go out and exercise (it's a small shihtzu). She has fed the dog food that gets it sick and then has admonished the dog for it, has forgotten to take it out so it wets the floor, etc. I told her she needs to sell her home and move in with me if she wants to see the dog full time....she can't take care of herself, let alone the dog. Mom got upset, my sister (who has not even visited with mom but for 1/2 hr in one month) tells me to give it back. But I will not see the dog put in harm's way with mom. I can't...it's bad enough seeing how mom doesn't care for herself and refuses help.

Some elders get attached to stuffed animals. Maybe a stuffed dog would satisfy her need for a pet companion.

My mother moved in to assisted living/progressive care and I swore the dog would not move in with her. Well, she got a ground floor apartment and has the dog. She is over feeding him. Luckily, he is not a lab but a Cairn Terrier. He usually doesn't over eat. My husband and I feel the dog keeps my mom grounded most of the time. I pick the dog up every day at 5:30 pm and return him at 9:00 pm. On weekends, I go over and get him at 8:30 am and return him at 9:00 pm. I use a white board writing on it "I have the dog, I will bring him back at 9:00 pm." I have tried putting/taping a note over his bowl stating "Do not feed him in the morning only snacks, 3:00 feed him canned and dried food." Most of the time, it does not work. I have decided it is the way her brain is wired. My mom was diagnosed with Dementia two years ago July soon after my dad passed away the previous August from Pancreatic Cancer. I am not sure which disease is worse? It has been a long hard four years. Thankfully, my husband has a soft spot for dogs and old people :)

That poor dog is at the mercy of an owner uncapable and/or willing to take care of it. So, two things: first, get the dog away from your mother - think of some pretense why it is not there any longer. This is exceedingly cruel and you now must think of this poor creature who is helpless. Your mother is no longer your mother - she is NOT the mother you once had. Face that fact. Second, surely you and your family have compassion and kindness, perhaps out of respect for the relationship the dog and your mother had, to bring it into your home. If you bring it to a shelter, it will be put to sleep. I have been in animal welfare for 47 years and this is truly your ONLY option. Please think of that poor dog. Your mother is "gone".

The dog is a huge trip hazard for your mother.

I remember this question from way back and sure I was totally against taking the dog. Since then My mom became quite mean with her little dog. I believe it was the only thing she felt she had control over. Mom had to go into a home and to my surprise she has never brought up the dog. I have the dog at my house and I wait for her to say something but in about 4 months she has never mentioned the dog to me. She had her for 14 years and the dog was her life. I did however take the dog to the nursing home to visit her once and let the dog spend the night. Mom seemed pleased but when I returned the next day to get her she did not argue about me taking her. The dog seemed very happy to go home, she is now playing with the other dogs and is a totally different personality, I think she feels free and seems much happier. I have also noticed that Mom is very happy with all her stuffed animals and treats them like a real pet. There is another lady that has a stuffed animal and walks around with it and believes its her real dog so you may try that.

Averno so happy for you for such a good outcome for you and Mom's dog It is so rare to hear of happy endings so this is a great moral booster Thanks for sharing the update

Glad for a good outcome because that the dog would or could have been the death of the woman by a fall.

I'm kinda like this with my thoughts, The dog makes her happy and soothes her. Your mom is 87 and the dog is 11, She doesn't understand because they don't see the reality of what things are

My brother got rid of my mothers dog. He said the dog was messing in the house right after he would put the dog outside (on a lead). I tried to explain to him the dog has always been walked to do his business and that's not something you expect to just change. Mom was not able to walk him any more and my brother wouldn't. It broke her heart. It's been three years and she still cries every once in awhile and says she misses her dog.