I may have to take my mom's dog away from her. Any advice?

Does ur Mom have trouble with time? Tell her the Vet recommended he stay with you for a while until he is better. If u allow him to stay with her, he will die and she won't have him anyway. Just keep putting her off. She may forget. I would think twice about bringing her into your home. If there is money, try an AL where she will be supervised. Some may allow an animal. My Mom is easy but its stressful for me. I get overwhelmed easily and like things to go smoothly. Even after a year, I'm having a hard time adjusting to her getting frail and going downhill. Most ofthe time I have no idea what she is trying to say. Stuff comes out of left field and has nothing to do with what is going on at the time. Sometimes I act like I haven't heard her because I don't have a clue how to answer her. Her thoughts and words have nothing to do with each other. And telling her the same thing over and over gets old. I refuse to stop to pick up milk and bread when she is with us because I have to listen that she has no money and then "we need to talk". The " talk" we've had several times and ends up with her getting upset.

Depends on the shelter. many of my friends have adopted from shelters and love their animals. Ours in our smaller city are well kept and the workers well trained so they can hardly keep dogs in stock. Lots of cats though. That's a whole other story. Depends where u r. Sounds like u have a cooperative mother. That's a whole other mother there than is discussed in a few of these discussions. You are fortunate that your mother lets you help which is what I am assuming. I wish many of us had it like that. My father with early dimentia is a piece of cake as well and tho now in hospital and likely months from dying still says thank you and he knows I am doing everything I can for him.

Where does she live and what kind of dog is it? I love the dry ink boards for my parents who are 90 and 84. Would it help if you covered the dogs food bowl with a sign that said "dog food only"? It might help - or "chicken/cooked veggies only" if she insists on people food? I would love to help you further.

Try slowly removing the dog , tell her he has to go to the vet etc , take him for walks and then after a while get her mind on other things and don't bring the dog back , it's safer and healthier for the dog and in the long run also better for your mom , get her interested in something else , good luck I know it's hard

Don't. Find someone to care for the dog at home.

I really feel for you, my mom is the same her dog is everything to her and I would hate to take her away I don't know that I could. Best of luck to you. At least your willing to take the dog in and she will be able to visit the dog.

My Mom lives with me, and insists on feeding my Dachshund. She forgets that she has already fed the dog, and then sometimes feeds it 3 or more tomes in about 2 hours time. The dog is getting very fat, and this makes me crazy. Anytime I complain to my Mom that she needs to stop this, and let me care for the dog, she pulls the Martyr card, and always says, "Excuse me for living". This makes me want to jump off of a building.

My mom was the same with her cat... Over feeding would be an understatement. Her one caregiver and myself just took over all household food management (mom & cat :) and my mom just let it go. When I moved her finally to a wonderful small board and care home, she missed her cat horribly. I found a stuffed cat that activates when touches and responds to her meows and movement. She LOVES it and it is on her lap everyday. She talks to it and babies it like a real cat. Best money ever spent!!!

When I am in her shoes one day, I hope to god someone gives me a fake dog to love on. We all need someone/something to nurture, even or maybe especially when we are the focus of intense caregiving ourselves.

Best of luck on this! (p.s. I wouldn't recommend a bird for someone with dementia as they are delicate and also little emotional beings too, that require proper care. birds are generally more intelligent than most folks realize and if not treated as such or related to properly with resort to self destructive behaviors and suffer. My vote would be for regular supervised visits with her dog to keep the connection and have something to look forward to :)

I'm coming in a little late to this conversation, but I hope Lauraj155 finds a good solution to this problem. I couldn't help but cry when reading through these posts -- it's just so sad....I had a similar problem with my mom with dementia...her dog Chili, who was her whole life, got cancer last year and died. I had taken Chili to the vet and she was so weak and very old and they strongly recommended euthanizing her. I agreed but I had to ask to sit in a room alone for a while so I could drive home w/o crying. Then I had to explain to mom about what happened to her dog. She was very sad. I was hoping she would "forget" and maybe be able to move on, like she forgets everything else. Nope. EVERY morning for about 6 months she asked "where's Chili." It was awful having to explain that every day. After a couple weeks, I decided it was better to tell her that she was at the vet "getting a checkup" and that I'd pick her up later. She seemed to accept that. After 6 mos or so she just slowly stopped asking about Chili. I hope the poster Linda can find a way that her mom and dog can stay together.

If your mother has dementia, she should not be left alone. Whoever is there should put the dog in another room or a cage until mom's done eating. If she's there alone, there's going to be a lot more problems than just the dog. Before you take mom into YOUR home, you and the family need training. People with dementia can traumatize children, and it's very hard to remember that mom isn't the person she used to be. You will be having the same 'conversation' 50 times a day, every day and nothing will change. People who have done this, including me, can tell you that you will learn that there is two people in that body. The one you used to know may be around, but there is another 'person' who will be different that can be very mean and/or nasty, and/or give the house away. You can't argue, and you can't teach, and you have to stay on guard all the time. If it isn't this bad at the start, it can get there. This isn't like any other 'illness.'

Pammac - Thank you for that, its the best explanation that I have heard about Alzheimer's. I'm also new to this and could never find the words to describe what its like taking care of my mother.

It is good that you took the dog, although I know not having my dog by my side in the evenings or when I wake up would be disturbing to me. This is a very heartwrenching situation, I commend you for bringing photos and making her feel reassured. With this disease it is so difficult. Been there. I do not think NY daughters comment was out of line, you must understand how hard it is for pets and their family, separation anxiety on both sides. Elderly animals do not get adopted - even Humane Society usually puts them down, although they won't tell you that. And for those of us who rescue it is passionate. Indeed for those of us who've been through Alheimers its passionate also.

If her dementia is that bad, then she probably shouldn't be living alone. I moved back into her home after living on the west coast for over 30 years when I realized my mother couldn't drive anymore. I am so glad I did, because dementia takes away her ability to reason and can't remember the most common-sense things.

DON'T take away her dog--what's the matter with you? 11 year old dog is old too. Sounds like she's been caring for the dog well if it survived this long.

if she can't care for the dog she has no business living by herself.

If you can move the dog with you then at least she can visit it. She will not be happy, as pets are important to people and especially the elderly. Can you possibly apply for Medical for your mother so she can go into a facility there. That really would be the best for her and then keeping her dog would be needed as she couldn't take it. I would NOT recommend you moving her into your home. That is a quick fix to an issue with her dog, but has long term ramifications. The least of all to your mental health. Before you do a move of this kind, you should visit with a therapist and get some advice. This will be very stressful and we know caregivers can begin to have health issues because of this. Now if she didn't have dementia, or health issues, or a narcissistic personality, maybe it would work. But health issues, dementia etc...is a candidate for living in AL. That is assuming her dementia isn't so bad that they won't take her. In that case you would be looking at memory care. It's not an easy journey but take time to get good advice in order to make wise decisions in everyone's best interest.

Whether or not you can live with a dementia patient is a personal choice and no one can make that for you. I got advice both ways. If you are so inclined, pray about it...which is what I did...and I got a very clear answer. It has been a very difficult journey, but in the end, I am sure I will be glad I did it. Not only for her sake, but I have been learning and growing myself, which will serve me in ways I don't even know yet.

Oh goodness lauraj155, this sounds very complicated. It's very hard to get people with dementia to understand the simple things, for instance you trying to get your mom to understand that the food she feeds her pup is not good, it's just not doable. My mom has dementia and the "logic" part of her brain is not there. My mom can no longer be left alone because we can't get her to understand how to do the simple daily things, eat, dress, and take her meds, plus other simple things. Our plan (family) was for her to come live with my husband and I once our new home was built. But thoughts are changing because it is not as easy and we thought it would be. So be very careful and talk to people who have been in a situation with a parent moving in, it does change your life. Find a support group and go to those meeting, there are many people dealing with similar situations like yours. Good luck, Glococo

My mom died in Feb. at age 85. Her beloved large dog Robin was her life. But she overfed her too. They do that for companionship. We tried to get her not to, but didn't matter. Mom also yelled a lot in her chronic pain and that was hard on Robin. When I went to visit mom I fed Robin very little to help out. And exercised her more. Taking Robin away from my mom would have killed her heart and spirit. Robin loved her too! BUT, mom did not have dementia. That is a whole different situation. I now have Robin and she has lost 12 lbs and gets lots of exercise every day. And is in a quiet home with lots of love. BUT, if my mom had dementia and her habits were making Robin sick, I would NOT have left her in her home with mom. Either watch her when she eats or remove the dog. That is just the way it is. Heartbreaking, but allowing a dog to get sick is not humane. Check out Old Dog Haven that places older dogs in homes. There are many places that foster or adopt older dogs that are not ordinarily adoptable in regular shelters because of their age. If you fostered the dog out then she could visit your mom periodically. There are options. Check them out!

Another option is to place your mom in a group home where she can keep her dog and be monitored. THAT was an option for me with mom but they could not take her dog because she was a large dog. So we kept mom at home with her dog as long as we could. But if your mom's dog is small, find a group home for her where she can keep the dog. Everyone wins in that situation!

I am typing this with my Mom's Dog at my Feet. I understand this Daughters worries and have already watched my Mom neglect one Dog that died a terrible death, due to much the same "loving" ways. My Mom is 89, a brother (notice lower case b) lives with her and between them they have 2 dogs -- both animals grossly overweight, terrible food allergies, fleas to the point where I just got up and took the little one away on my last visit. Right to the Vet's I went and $280 later, after being looked at like I was a terrible human being, they pointed out the chronic issues -- and obese is just one. Yes, I will be taking the Dog back tomorrow to my Mom, hoping that the 3 times a day meds, eye drops, special baths, flea and heart worm pills and special food (for 5 days) will give this poor dog a respite (elderly as well) from all the loving it gets at home. I purchased all the food needed for both dogs---brother refuses to use it--fights me at every turn and my Mom believes him when he tells her that I am not bringing the dog back. Sigh. I have purchased the Flea/Heartworm Meds for quite some time but brother (dogs are in his name) either lies or does not give them the meds on a regular schedule...nor will he let me be in charge of anything. Yep, it's a nightmare. My Momlives for the Dogs--only--so back he goes. Yes, I'll be there once a week to see it all go back to the way it was....and nothing I can say or do will change anything. I bring food to my Mom, she refuses to go out anywhere or leave the house, try to get her to eat along with me....she just gives it all to the dogs. Yep, while I am there watching.....saying "nope, they have already eaten, that food is bad for them" goes on ears that could care less. Not asking for advice, our entire Family and friends have shared their thoughts and advice, they have each thought things would change - tried them-nothing works. We are all tired and disgusted. Sometimes you just have to let things be until something changes. So this was for the People that have a similar situation.....just to let you know, You Are Not The Only Ones going through this. I'm an Animal person and have my own Pet Children and can not imagine living Life without one in my Life either....so in that way, I do understand.

I have talked to SO MANY who moved mom or dad in with them when they had dementia and it was VERY HARD on them. Their health diminished and the stress increased. It involves way more than they bargained for. Some go thru years of therapy after they die just to recover! I know of several who put them in a group home and their parent's health actually improved! Take a very serious look at that decision. Group homes are wonderful and you can visit any time and they are safe and your mom would be well cared for.

nkirkendall.....that's great that you have a caregiver to watch over your mom AND the dog. At my mom's alz/dem. place a lot of family members bring in the left behind pets but there is also a org. that comes in once a week and a house dog that really helps the people to interact. Again, with my mom, after a while she really did forget about this dog she loved so dearly. Their minds just don't work like ours do. Man, I bow down to all of you who move your loved ones in with you. My mom had a hard time just coming to my house for Christmas dinner! My dad would want to stay and visit for a while but couldn't because she felt she HAD to be back home for something which she didn't. But it was her routine and Sundowners. No telling what would have happened. Bless you all....

Please don't take your Mom's dog away from her. It is one of my biggest fears so maybe I'm projecting my fears here but I can't see it doing anyone any good. Lots of good advice here. Good luck!! We had the opposite situation. We rescue and all of a sudden my Mom decides she wants to live with us. We put on a tiny addition that has everything she could need: full kitchen, ADA bath, bedroom area & desk/living room area - because we were not giving up our pets. DAY ONE after she moved in, I come home from work and my Mom is sitting on "my side" with my dog on her lap. Oy!! Just thought you'd like a cute story to make you smile.

I experienced the same thing with my mother. who has dementia. She was feeding her little 11 year-old pomeranian many times a day because she would forget that she had already fed her. She was also feeding her off the table, and this resulted in a very heavy and unhealthy little dog. At the same time, I noticed that she was not keeping her house clean, not doing her laundry on a regular basis, and forgetting when she had something on the stove. Up to that point she was living alone and driving her own car, but the doctor said it was not safe for her to continue to live alone. In just sixteen months, she has become unable to walk or shower and dress herself. She is unaware of where she is and doesn't know most of her family members.
Not understanding how best to care for her dog may be a sign that your mother will soon not be able to care for herself properly. My mother and her dog moved in with my husband and me. She was not happy about it in the beginning, but she adjusted and, as the disease progressed, we realized the she and her dog will probably both live longer due to their current living situation. I realize dementia progresses at different rates in different people, and I pray that you have more quality time with your mother than I have had with mine. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.

Oh my, what a day, but just grateful for all of you and helpful comments...First, my Mom's dog has a large mass on his spleen...the ultrasound revealed this. So, we are going to keep him comfortable with medications and diet until we notice any sign of suffering. He is eating the bland diet like crazy and he is acting better for now.

We aren't going to do surgery or any chemo. He is 11 and has had a good life.

Also, my husband's Mom went to the hospital this morning because she was discovered unresponsive by the nurse assistant early this morning. It is also my husband's birthday today. Geez, when it rains it pours...

I had a problem with needing to get my mom's dog away from her because one, he would get aggressive sometimes and I never knew when he might bite her. And it was too hard for her going outside with him. We took him to our home and we had to lie to her and tell her that he ran away. We actually took him to a shelter. She was very sad and would cry over him. But there was no way she could keep him any longer especially as her health was failing so fast. It was all we could do.

I'm so sorry Lauraj155. my mom had her major stroke that she then passed away from on my wedding anniversary. It'll be a year this February 11th......and I'm dreading it every day that it gets closer. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. No matter how old you or your loved one is, it's always difficult. Good luck to you.

Mom says she's not ready to move. Don't leave it up to her. If she trusts her doctor have him/her tell Mom that is what must happen. That way you aren't the bad guy. If Doc tells Mom she cannot live alone and you enforce that, she may still get mad. But tell her since the Doc says so if she doesn't move and has a problem Medicare won't pay for it. Depending on what the vet says, tell Mom that if she doesn't move in with you that she can't keep her dog cause he needs special care that she can't give him. Stretch the truth, tell little white lies, get creative. Do what you have to do to get her in your home if that's what you feel is best for you and her.

Please don't separate them. Think about this no matter how strange the analogy might sound. It sounds like your mom is the sole caregiver for the dog; the dog's mom. How would you feel if you were suddenly taken away from your mom. You are going to lose both your mom & dog very quickly...AND don't say "well it is JUST a dog. Log onto a site Care.com (excuse the plug). There are people looking for jobs to take of animals (walking,etc). Hire someone like that to come in when your mom eats. Look at Craig's list, check out a college kid. There are workable win-win situations. Don't take what she considers to be her reason for living away..