I may have to take my mom's dog away from her. Any advice?

Lauraj, Hope Sammy's results from tests are good. With regard to your Mum suddenly being better & possibly faking dementia I hope this helps. I care for my widowed BIL with dementia. He has 2 cats that he thinks the world of and is currently able to care for, except emptying their litter tray. Thankfully his daily help does this except on a Monday when the rubbish goes out. That day he remembers to do it. No idea why he knows on Mon but not any other day. He also has my Maltese/Havanese x for a sleepover every other wkend. He's always had dogs until 6 years ago so misses them and having mine for short time works to keep him focused. I've just been diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia and anyone who doesn't know me could be forgiven for thinking I'm faking it. It really does vary through the day, from day to day. There are times I'm in my own world and very happy there. Then with no warning I'm back and aware I've lost time here, this really hurts & makes me sad. I have 4 cats as well as my dog and at the moment I take care of them even when I forget to take care of me. I suggest that you protect Sammy from your Mum, but for both their sakes try to find a way to let them stay together as long as possible. Be aware to that for someone with dementia (from my experience as a carer and living first hand with it) 1 minute can be 60 seconds, a day, a week, a month, a year or several years. Depending on what is happening in the brain in that nano second will depend on what you see happening. It's incredibly hard to consistently fake dementia, it's very hard to live with it too from all perspectives. My Bil is 64 & been diagnosed 2 years though looking back (when I can) I know it's been in evidence for at least 4 years. I'm 58 (59 next month) had my diagnosis less than a month and special folk in my life piecing the facts together looks like I've been muddling through for 10 yrs +. For BIL & I at this point to lose our pets would be to lose hope, structure to our days, unconditional love from fur babies, a reason to continue. I know the days will come, but as far down the road as possible please. Agree moving Sammy in with you may persuade your Mum it's time. Rather than making it sound permanent to Mum, what about putting moving in as a temp respite break while Sammy get's well? You know they'll never go home, Mum doesn't have to know this up front, let her try it as her choice of a break for Sammy's sake.

My mother is 91 and does the same thing with her dog. I believe taking any pets away from your mother is a mistake. I don't know what you mean by mild dementia as my mother has a little short term memory loss but I believe it to be an age thing and also that she has no one to share her evenings with as she too lives alone.
I live about 10 miles from her but don't get over to her during the evening as I have a family and a career. I do pick her up on the weekends to take her shopping. We go to the nail salon to get our nails done and or a pedicare treatment and a message once a month. Even though my mom is on a fixed income I have been able to adjust her income to include these little extras. Sometimes I pay for them myself. My mom loves these little excursions and it makes her feel good about herself.
Her senior center also offers monthly day trips to travel different areas close to home. We live close to Columbus, Ohio where there is a lot to offer people of all ages. Mom takes most of the trips as they enjoy the fun time on the bus and get to eat and just share in each others company that they normally wouldn't be able to do. I believe this really helps with my mom's mental health. You should check to see if there is a senior center locally to your mom and what they have to offer. In our small town we actually have 2 that sometimes work together especially with the trips.
Make sure your mom is drinking plenty of water during the day too. As people get older they tend to drink less liquids as the brain doesn't tell them they are thirsty. It will help with the dementia or mental health as well as hydrating her. My mom also did the mail stuff. She would send money in the mail and enter all these contests. I started contacting these companies and requested that they take her name off their mailing list. Since I do her finances she just hands me all of her mail and I go through it all and tell her what is trash and what isn't.
I know how frustrating this can be with elderly people. The thing you have to keep in mind is NOT to tell her what to do. Make suggestions and try to keep your anger in check. If you can make her think it was her idea then she will follow her own advice. Good luck.

In the area where my Mom lives, she goes to a senior center every day. She plays cards there and has lunch which is provided by the local hospital. It is nice as she has somewhere to go during the day and isn't feeding her dog people food at least not at lunch time. My mother still drives but only to the seniors and back it is 3 miles one way. If I could eat dinner with my mother several evening a week I would do so, but I unfortunately cannot do it at this time.

I wound up taking in my moms dog. I never had a dog and my mom let it use pee pads all over the house so it has been quite a journey. However my mom is good mentally knowing I have her dog and I take pictures often. My mom is in assisted living. My girlfriend took her moms dog away and took the dog to shelter. Told her mom the dog ran away and put her mom in assisted living. Her mom died within 6 months. My mom has been in assisted living going on 3 years. It all comes down to what are you willing to do. It's a tough one if your mom is still home and you take her dog. You are going to have a problem on your hands.

As you get older there are so many losses to deal with if there is something important or not so important you can cling onto then the ability to let go becomes reversed whether or not it is good for either party.
Find out if there is something wrong with the dog ,as you are doing to see if it can be fixed. As suggested distract the dog while mom is eating. Taking Mom and the dog to live with you will likely cause more problems than it solves Having a container of safe dog treats handy may discourage the feeding of unhealthy scraps

Your mothers dog is only in his early 60/s (depending on his weight) and could live a lot longer with proper care. If you had pre cooked carrots handy would your mother stick to giving him them, or still give junk food? Tell her some of the food she is giving him could be poisonous to him because it might have onion/garlic etc in it, Maybe that would help if she heard the term poison being used. Also tell her the dog could die from pancreatitis As a last resort I would take the dog to live with you and bring him every day to visit

Laura originally said the dog was suffering physically due to being fed the wrong foods. If her mother is unable to stop it, the dog will continue to suffer. I think that at some point, you really have to protect the animal. Hurt feelings aside, the animal's welfare counts to.

Just an aside re the dog. This is a different situation but still involves an elderly dog. My daughter & I raised our dog from a puppy. She is now 10 1/2 yrs old. When my daughter got married she took the dog to live with her. We always warned her to stop treating the dog as a human baby but she was obsessed with the dog. Fast forward to now having a baby in the house. Guess what, the dog is so jealous of the baby (now a toddler) that from day one was snarling and nipping at her. Thankfully she hardly has any teeth but she can still clamp down hard. She has done this to my granddaughter way too many times and we are afraid she will develop a fear of dogs. With a new baby on the way, my daughter had to make a heartbreaking decision about the dog. We know that a shelter will mostly likely guarantee death so that's not an option. While a rescue group may take her, we feel the experience would be too traumatic for the dog to be ripped away from the owner she loves. So guess what, I'm taking the dog. I was her co-owner for a few years and she knows me. But even so I don't know how she will adapt to a new home with me.

It is a tough situation when there is a pet involved. You feel for what the pet will go through at that age to be re-homed yet you know they can't stay in the current situation. If you can take the dog or another close relative that is probably ideal. Your mother will miss the dog terribly too. Would she settle for a stuffed animal? (probably not, grasping at straws here). Or can you take her dog and bring the dog along for visits?

No easy solutions for anyone, including the pet. Good luck.

Howdy. I feel you big time: I had to take a cat away from a senior loved one. He was totally obsessed with the animal and would lock her in various rooms sometimes without food and water so that she wouldn't get outside. It was becoming a threat to the cats Health how he was treating her. He would poke at her with long sticks to try and get her out from under the bed. One time he poked her in the eye! We had to take her to the vet, etc. The poor cat. Anyway. Like one of the previous posters said, when we took the cat away, he was initially hurt but forgot about it very quickly due to his dementia. Also I wanted to say in agreement with some of the others that if your mom is at that stage she probably needs extra help. Rather than moving her in as that is a very big deal, check into your local IHSS (in home support services ) office. If she is on a fixed income, the government will pay for a caregiver screened by IHSS to come to your moms place for a number of hours per day to monitor , to cook, to clean, to be a companion, etcetera.. One of this person's duties could be to keep Mom from feeding dog at mealtimes :-). In my area of California I believe I HSS pays the caregiver around $ 10 an hour. If you could augment that at all with $5 an hour of your own, it would better guarantee the person would want to stick around for the long haul. More stuff to consider! Good luck :-)

PLEASE DO NOT GIVE THIS DOG TO THE ANIMAL SHELTER...HE WILL BE KILLED!! IF YOUR MOM LOVES HIM SO MUCH WHY REMOVE HIM???

Bringing your mom and her dog to your house is a good idea. My thought is that you can alter your mom's diet - don't give her, or allow access to foods that are bad for the dog like chocolate, onions, or junk food If your two dogs get along w/ it so much the better. The plus side is that taking care of her in your home and being able to monitor her is probably going to be healthier for her too. She can still love her dog, and the dog will be a comfort to her. Just taking a dog away is traumatic for both owner & pet - figuring out how to manage the issues that are the trouble spot is worth it. Keeping them together is a kindness -

Wow. Been there, done that. If you move your mom to your home with the dog, the frustration you feel about over feeding will only come to your house, just be prepared to recognize it so it's not a problem within your family (shake it off!).Your mom's routine will change when she moves in with you, have her fold washcloths when it's meal time for the dog . Slowly her focus will change. My mom over fed her min pin to the point he looked like a stuffed pig. The food would be sour in the bowl. To her food is love and she adored her dog. They both moved in with me so meal time was a lot better and the dog lost weight. I had to put mom into an Alzheimer's unit and months later her dog died. She said I killed him and cried for a long time, then the dog became a distant happy memory. There are no easy answers

A dog's idea of a good meal is what you're having. In dog years, he's about her age. You mentioned an antibiotic. Are you absolutely sure her food is making him sick and not some old-age doggy condition?

The day may come when she'll be content with a stuffed animal. But it sounds like not yet.

The ice cream could be part of the problem. We have two Cavailer King Charles Spaniels - the freakin' most sweet, loving, adorable, NEEDY dogs on earth - I would let them have some "spoon" which was basically just a few drops of melted ice cream - never if any chocolate was involved - regardless they always ended up with diarreha the next day. I started to put it together when the same thing happened with even the tiniest crumb of cheese - my babies are lactose intolerant! Our rule now is NO PEOPLE FOOD! It's hard to deny those adorable faces but harder to clean up their long hair hind quarters when poo gets everywhere!

You didn't say if she had a caregiver yet, but could you or another be there to eat with her at each meal. You would provide good company for her, as well as help with the dog's feeding...Good luck.

Lauraj......I have a friend whose mom felt the same way about her cat. She had dementia also. I mean it was to the point where her husband wanted to travel (not around the world but just short trips or to come visit their daughter, my friend and she would not budge because of the cat). The cat got sick and had to go to the vet for a few days. She asked about it constantly the first day, the second day, a little less and by the 3 day barely asked. When it came back she didn't even pay that much attention to it. That's the great thing about dementia, most people forget. Their fixation isn't necessarily on the animal or object, it's about the routine. I know you think your mom won't but she will get to that point. Their time frame is not the same as ours. My mom loved her Westie but after she had to be put down, several mos. later my mom didn't even remember her. Also, Nikki.....try a stuffed white dog that looks just like her maltese. I see patients walking around at my mom's facility all the time with baby dolls in blankets or stuffed animals. Good luck and God bless

I have a similar situation with my Mom and her dog. Fortunately, I have someone that lives with my mom 24/7 and she tries really hard to make sure the dog eats what he is supposed to but my mom still insists on feeding him morsels of whatever she eats. Also, I'm also fortunate enough that my Mom's caretaker makes sure she eats healthy enough. But, I could never think about separating my Mom from her dog or vice versa, that is the only reason I haven't been able to bring myself to putting my Mom in a nursing home. And that is a problem in itself because my Mom really should be in a nursing home....

You might put a sign on the fridge from the vet to not feed the dog human food. Also if you keep a bowl of dry dog food out, the dog might not be begging for food. She is most likely forgetting, so signs can remind her. Also you mom might not be eating healthy food, caus if she was, small amounts, should not make the dog sick. Take the doc back to the vet and see, if the dog is having medical problems. it might need a special diet. Healthy human food should not make a dog sick. Check to see what your mom is eating is fresh, often as people get older, they can not smell, and will eat rotten food. that would explain why the dog is sick.

Offer to take the dog to your place to play with your kids or something. Then surrender the animal at a shelter for adoption. Tell ur mother that while at your house the dog got sick (breathing) so you had to take it to the emergency clinic. The dog died there and no she can't see it because it is law that all dead animals be cremated immediately. This is animal cruelty if you do not remove the dog. Dogs and cats must be cremated (that is the truth there btw). Mom will be pissed and heart broken as it is nice to have another "heartbeat in the house". Go to petsmart and buy her a $20 budgie. Birds will only eat what they want and your aging mother cannot overfeed them. When your mother dies simply put an ad on Kijiji for a free or like $30 which is a pretty good return on your $ budgie w a cage (Craigslist USA) and it"ll be gone in a snap to some little kid waiting for a pet or another older lady looking for a fuss free pet (just take the newspaper out every few days). I have a dog and a bird and actually I like the bird more truth be told. In a few days your mother will be fine. Buy her a figurine of that kind of dog to remember "Freddy" fondly and in the meantime "Freddy" can live out his days w proper care. Just my idea there when our first dog died by accident and I had to do something for the kids. So we got the bird as a "band-aid' and later got a dog as well.

I just wanted to respond to the post that said small amounts of people food shouldn't hurt a dog. That isn't slesys true, especially when dealing with a small dog. If you think about it in terms of proportion even a bite of apple is a lot to a 15lb. dog. So a bite here and there through out the day adds up. On the flip side dogs are know to eat just about anything - some can tolerate it and some can't. I had a cocker spaniel who loved grapes - only found out recently grapes are also very bad for dogs beyond being a choke hazard, who knew?!!!

If she can keep the dog it will be so great for her. I'm more concerned that she is still living alone. Having gone through this with my mother, I suspect that she is coming to the point where she can't live alone any longer - the most difficult decision that you will have to make. We moved my mother to an assisted-living and two of my family members stopped talking to me. They just didn't see the need, but she couldn't manage her meals any longer and was eating spoiled food straight from the fridge. I think when you solve the living alone problem, the dog problem will be solved too - either she'll have to move and the dog will be able to move with her or not, or she'll have someone to live-in who can monitor the dog's diet as well. But, don't underestimate the importance of the dog in her life. We would bring our dog to visit my mother at her new home and everyone would light up to see him. He was so popular evoking smiles from residents that never interacted with anyone.

I am a dog trainer as well as the primary caregiver for my mom, 86 and mid- to late-stage dementia. I used to leave my dog with her for company but due to the same issue you describe I had to stop (my dog also is on special diet). My sister and I introduced a small stuffed dog that resembled her childhood dog and she now believes it is real and will 'feed' this dog and not mine. We put it on the table and stick a bowl with a little dry food in it, and she will also put pieces of her food in there. Also, a local trainer could teach the dog to go lay on a mat away from the table whenever anyone sits down to eat (ie the action of sitting down/putting food on the table is the cue for the dog to go to his "place" where he gets a good reward for doing so -- I suggest a special chewie that will last awhile!). Also, you could have someone (friend/relative/church member/pro dog walker) come in to walk the dog, conveniently when a meal is being prepared. I feel for you; been there! Good luck!

My dog "Candy" would eat until she exploads and then throw up and then she would eat the throw up. I am not kidding. She is a Schi Tzu. They are well known for eating their own stools which makes them throw up. Lovely breed of dog and friendly (as well as hypoallergenic) and not all do this but it is what it is with some dogs. My last Shi Tzu was awesome and just grazed here and there. Kinda like how people are (not eating their stools, of course) -Some just can eat and eat and can't stop themselves or there are parents who keep feeding their kids even though they are overweight and don't have them in some sort of sport activity. It's some psychological thing likely with being born in the Depression when THEY were hardly fed so they project that onto the animal. I used to get the same things when my parents would give my kids candy all the time and that was because they rarely got any in childhood. My other guess is that it is a "nurtutring mechanism" in her brain that she cannot shut off and there was the idea that continual food intake could heal anything.

Would it be possible and/or effective to put notes up in LARGE print reminding your mom to not feed the dog anything but what the vet has directed? I ask because I had to create signs with clear instruction for my mom with dementia and place them on the microwave, her door, the bathroom ,etc. And in her case, it worked - at least for a while...Best to you, your mom, AND the dog!

The stuffed dog is a great idea and let her feed it and then when you come over (ideally frequently or get a neighbour to do it) remove the food or put it back in the jar and just keep this going. If she is that out of it (advancing dimentia) that might be all the security she needs. Another thought is to get her into feeding the "outside animals" (still take the real dog to the shelter tho) and buy her birdseed or peanuts for the squirrels. She can feed those to her hearts content and she will feel needed and helping the poor animals. our across the street neighbour does this (slight dimentis) and she buys those squirrels and even skunks cashews and almonds! Lucky squirrels! :) Thus just transfer the behaviour to another source and get the dog out of there before she kills it.

This is exactly what happened with my mother and her dog!! My mother is 86 and also has dementia. She was constantly feeding her dog anything and everything. She loved that dog like it was her child. The dog became terribly sick and after taking her to the animal hospital it was discovered that she had become diabetic. I took the dog to my home to care for it. My mother lives in PA and I live in NY. She lives alone, my brother lives near by and checks in on her daily. This dog was her constant companion, and as heartbreaking as it was to take the dog from her, it was necessary. She would have never been able to care for it, and she would have found the dog dead. I visit my mother every other week, and most times bring the dog with me, but this is always as issue because she doesn't understand why I am taking the dog home with me when I leave because she looks healthy again. She was resentful at the beginning, and still gets annoyed about it, but there is nothing else that I can do. What would you do with the dog? Would you take it into your home? I would not have been able to give the dog up as I am a dog lover. I have 2 of my own, with my mother's dog, I have three! Maybe if you bring the dog to your home to care for it, you can bring it to your mothers when you visit. There is no easy answer. If the dog is sick, your mother may find it dead one day and that may cause more stress on to your mother. My mother has adjusted to not having a dog around (unhappily), and when the dog visits, it is like she never left. Hope this post helps a little with your dilemma. Good Luck

The problem with some levels of dementia is that the patient forgets to read a sign that is right in front of them. And even if they do read it, the meaning does not compute in their mind, so it means nothing to them. And, they forget what they are not supposed to do as well as forget what they did. There is not way to control or regulate that. Without around the clock supervision of the mother's behavior, the dog can't be protected. Would you leave a pet in the care of an unsupervised 5 year old child?

There are so many helpful and caring people here and I didn't read anyones messages as negative or insulting at all. Most or all of us are dealing with aging parents with various issues and I'm so grateful this forum exists for us to ask for help on and help others. You are doing a great job Lauraj155. I know it's so hard. All you can do is your very best everyday and take care of yourself, so you have the strength and health to continue to lead and help your family and mother with ongoing issues. Sounds like your mom moving in would be the best thing and with her beloved dog Sammy. If you want to encourage your mother to move sooner into your home just keep telling her how much better it will be when you both are together and you can share ideas with her about what things you might be able to do together. I hope and pray for the very best for your family, your mom, her dog and you. Hang in there it's going to be fine.

If she has a good relationship with the Vet maybe they could give her a friendly but stern lecture on the additional feeding. My mom has done this with her dog but the dog is younger and it hasn't been as much of a problem. yet
My mom has early alzheimer's. After dad died (3 1/2 year battle with cancer) she wanted to continue living alone. She became even more depressed and was not eating well. I ended up leaving my job which has been devastating financially. I knew I needed to get back to work so moving her in with me was not an option, plus it would have been confusing to her. And she has wandered some.
I feel fortunate that there is an independent living apartment at a nice facility close by. She was able to secure a nice apartment. The best part is she LOVES all the "old people." The socialization has helped her a lot. This place allows dogs and has dog walking services. Mom and Dad pinched pennies all their llives so I feel fortunate that she can afford this place. If she has to move to assisted living, there is continuing care there. Assisted living becomes a tax write off, too.
I would never, ever take a dog to a shelter. That is the cruelest thing in the world. If mom can't manage her beloved dog then it will have a home with me.
Also, my mom wasn't readyto move but when she started taking double meds or missing doses altogether, wandering, and locking herslef out of the house I insisted we go look at the apartments. I was also very fortunate that my Dad had said he would like to see her move so I was able to play that card. The other alternative was hiring in home services, but that would not have taken away the loneliness. Even with mom living in the apartment, I still do a lot. I take her to all appointments. I order her meds and communicate with the doctors, in other words advocate. I do her laundry, schedule her hair appointments and make sure she doesn't forget, and more.
Most likely, your mom wouldn't want you to be unhappy and stressed about her. You are doing the best you can. It is okay if you have to step in and make decisions in her best interest. Your heart is in the right place.

Another step to consider is to obtain the power of attorney authority for your mom's health care and finances if that has already not been done. And if the doctor agrees she should have help and supervision at this stage of her life, you can use the doctor's recommendation as a lever to get her to move in with you. It is a big job and responsibility, but I know you are doing it for love of your mom and nothing else. As conditions progress, you might want to get some extra, in-home help to ease your burden. My best wishes for your progress with this problem.