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No matter what I do for him, it gets rejected by father in law. Kind and nice and charming to everyone else, yet I do not exist at all when nobody else is around. No matter what I do, he ignores/rejects/devalues everything. I have tried and tried and tried, but he has decided he doesn't like me, I am to blame for him having to leave his home, and so therefore I am to be treated like the maid.

My husband supported me for about a week, but slowly and surely, has been won over by dad again. Now, I am the bad one, and everything is all my fault.On Friday we had an episode that happened in front of my husband and he sat and just watched it and told me to just let it go... but for me it was the straw that broke the camels back. I have stopped engaging, stopped trying, stopped talking to FIL beyond the basic requirements.

Now I have been given an ultimatum: fix myself or get out. The old man is besides himself with glee, he finally has got it right. I am completely broken by this whole horrible experience. Oh and on top of this, the entire family (none of whom would actually take him into their homes) think that I am unbelievable and awful and the B&*^% from hell.

Has anyone else's marriage fallen apart because of abusive in-laws? Any advice for me?

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Thanks for your support. Tough situation demanding some very tough answers. Am currently exploring my options in terms of getting full time work ( i work from home, and don't earn enough to be the main breadwinner for me and the kids), and which I will need in order to get an apartment here. So, not taking drastic steps, rather taking logical, coldly thought out decisions. thank you everyone.
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Do not stay!!!!! They've showed you that you are not appreciated or valued. Divorce is sad but sometimes necessary. You'll survive, take it from one who has been there. Life is too short to put up with this group. I wouldn't trust any of them and I fear for what could happen to you.
Just some advice. If you feel you can't move forward, don't abandon ship. Have a plan. Once you've left, I doubt you'll be welcome back or you'd want to go back. A pack of wolves sounds better than these people.
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I know you have children and you live in Germany (and are not German). I don't know what all the ramifications and options are regarding separation and divorce. But you can't live in an atmosphere where you are the bad one and everything is your fault. If your husband is willing to consider marriage counselling, I suggest that. But you have been working on this for some months and progress seems elusive.

See a lawyer.
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Run to the nearest lawyer and divorce that whole bunch of dysfunctional vipers. They are using you as a convenient doormat! Wonder what they all will do, once you dump all that responsibility on to them?
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