As POA, can I make my Mother see a therapist?

ask her if she will see a therapist three times . . . Just to please you. If you could get her to do that, there's always the possibility she won't mind it. Waste of time to force her, in my opinion.

Why not "take care of money" with her right there with you? As if she's helping you? I used to give mom stamps, have her stamp and seal the envelopes. Can't hurt. Might help. ;)

Excellent idea about the 3-visit commitment, Maggie. That could make it work.

As for finances and trust issues I've had better luck with my Dad by keeping him totally out of the loop and just taking care of everthing. Mom plays along. If he asked about a bill, yes I paid that. Yes the CD was rolled over etc. so far so good.

Just to be clear, you're named as attorney-in fact under a Durable Power of Attorney and an Advanced Directive (a/k/a Living Will), and you're the only person named? Your SIL and/or brother aren't named as co- or successor proxies?

If that's the case, then she has no rights that I know of.

If she's an alcoholic (despite being a nurse) and makes any attempt to challenge your authority, I hope you're prepared to document that fact since she would be an inappropriate proxy.

In fact, she may even be a danger to her patients. You could always use that as a tactic to get her to back off. You don't have to threaten, just query how she can manage to distribute meds, insert IVs and provide other care given her alcoholism. That should shut her up.

If it doesn't, query what her supervisors would do if they knew of her addiction.

How many therapist does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb has to want to change.
A waste of time to force an incompetent elder to see a therapist.

chelann, I read that your mother has depression. Was it the therapist who declared her incompetent to handle her own affairs?

A big question is if you are both her financial and healthcare POA (healthcare proxy). If you have the financial POA, you can handle her business affairs as outlined in the POA. However, it takes a healthcare POA to make medical decisions. If you have the healthcare POA, then yes, you can continue to schedule her for appointments. That doesn't mean you can make her talk or listen to the therapist, but you can provide the opportunity for her. This is a very difficult circumstance, since therapy can only work if a person works with it. If you think the therapy will help her, I hope that you are able to show her how it is to her benefit. Good luck!

I think your mother may have something else going on, i.e., that she who has apparently handled her finances for years is now faced with her daughter who is obviously much less younger and less experienced than she but now can have control over her funds.

I've dealt with this; it's hard to explain to them that you're trying to help. For them, it can be an insult.

Try to think how you'd feel; that might give you some insight into how to handle the situation.

I think there's always an issue when a parent is losing control of some aspect of his/her life, especially the financial ones.

chelann, when it comes to siblings and suggestions, you can accept the ones you think are good and ignore the rest. Since your mother has been declared incompetent, she cannot change POAs now. You're in charge. In your position, I would keep Sister in the loop and listen to her concerns, but base decisions on what you know would be best for your mother.

Missed Jessie's comment while I was posting. Just a suggestion as to sibling involvement - Jessie makes a good point about listening and accepting or ignoring suggestions.

I'd be cautious about the SIL though, given that you state she is an alcoholic. I wouldn't consider any medical recommendations from her. As health care proxy, you are responsible, and I certainly wouldn't be in the position of allowing someone with compromised reasoning to feel she can offer suggestions on your mother's care. If anything went awry, you're the proxy, not her.

BTW, how has she managed to hold her position as a nurse given her addiction?

Chelann, I don't believe you have the authority to remove your brother as successor if that's the way the document was drafted and executed by your mother. Nor can you add your younger sister, unless there are specific provisions in either or both documents granting you that authority. I may be wrong but that's my understanding.

It would be helpful if one of the attorneys who comments periodically on posts would read and opine on this issue to give you a more knowledgeable answer.

There's a possibility that the DPOA grants you authority to execute and/or change certain documents; you'd have to read it with a fine tooth comb to see if that power is created.

As to your SIL, that's an equally tough decision. I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone being fired, but I also wouldn't want to have knowledge that mistakes could be made and someone injured because of it.

If you do contact the doctor, it could be construed as family rivalry by the doctor. Your brother likely would be angry with you, and it might disrupt family cohesiveness.

I'm wondering if perhaps you could make an anonymous report to your state's medical licensing department instead. If it's known that she has an addiction problem, your brother and SIL might suspect you. It's a really tough decision, whether to report and/or how to report.

That would probably be the issue as well as to how you made the determination she's an alcoholic, which might reveal that you have inside knowledge of her through family connections.

Maybe you could call Al-Anon and ask for some suggestions. The goal really would be to get her fired but rather to remove her from treatment and/or decision authority and get her some treatment.