How do I make my Mom understand she can no longer afford a sitter and appreciate my partner taking on the daily task so I can work?

Mom should be on Medicare SSDI and receiving monthly benefits even at age 54. She also sounds like an ideal candidate for Assisted Living if she loves people to talk to.
Many states will cover an ALF on a Medicaid Waiver. Look into that, because partner is giving too much to the equation here.

She MUST have some degree of dementia not to understand that you've done all you can for her. And given that, there's probably no amount of explaining you can do to help her understand. And, frankly, neither should you worry about it. (Oh, yeah! Soooo EZ to say, yes?) As we age, and dementia sets in, it becomes all about me-me-me-me-me. Just like a young child.

Pam's got the answer. If you and your partner don't begin to distance yourselves from what will surely be a bottomless pit of care giving (as it has been with my own mom), a post talking about trouble between you and your partner is not far behind. ;)

You state that she has dementia/ALZ. It is time to get things in order, so that she can have 24/7 care at a facility.

I am sorry she has this, and is so young. Which means that you are young, too.

Does your mom have dementia? If she does, no amount of explaining is going to help. If she has not been diagnosed, you might want to talk to her doctor about her cognitive and reasoning skills. Is there adult day care she could go to? I believe you would be wise to apply for Medicaid soon so th hat you can get assistance. You shouldn't have to impoverish yourself to care for your mom.

Thank all of you for the advice etc. We tried to get Medicaid and because when she was handling her money, she gave a lot a way to other family members so they state Medicaid will have to wait for now. She does have ALZ, Parkinson's and many other issues but has many moments of clarity still and we are trying new drugs. She was up at 2 and 4AM looking for coffee and breakfast, so I told her the time, fixed her a bowl of cereal and got her back into bed. Doug, my partner just texted me the new nurses were and and she was showtimming big time. I expected that. Actually he has been great with her and she will listen to him more than me. If that was not a enough, his mom now has been diagnosed with colon cancer and the chemo was too much for her. They think they have it all but he is going to spend some nights a week helping her. His sister lives close to her so she is helping alot but exhausted....so just trying to keep a clear head, stay ahead at work, home best I can, loving this site for me to ask questions, advice, and sometime just vent because the people here understand how hard being a caregiver can be and others have no clue. Oh she does have a small home paid for, so I checked into selling it and using that for a nursing facility just to find out because in my moms will it's left to us her sister talked the attorney into not probating my step dads will so she couldn't leave it to anyone "not blood kin" ugh...just another hurdle and another day. Thanks again and God help all of you in what you are doing.