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Honestly? Poop. My mom had been bladder incontinent for awhile but I was thrown for a loop when the bowel incontinence started - there was nothing really physically wrong with my mother - minor CHF which was well controlled, hip and knee replacement but not recent - and she chugged along using a rolling walker just fine. So why was she pooping in her drawers? Then what really freaked me out was she became unable to change her poo'd Depends without getting poop all over herself - well beyond her legs and bottom and she was also getting it all over the bathroom. Huh? WTH? So I ended up here and while I never found an exact medical or psychological reason for it - I did discover it wasn't that unusual- with dementia. I also got answers about why she hadn't showered in three years. Yep, three years. But she did decent "bird baths" so I always let that one slide. Believe it or not - that was the least of my problems.

But I guess the biggest problem was I didn't really know what dementia was. I had always thought "dementia" was a catch-all for what I thought was typical issues with aging - like being forgetful or repeating stories.

Boy, did I have a lot to learn. And it has certainly been an education. You know that saying "If I only knew then what I know now?" Lol - my mother always did say I had to learn everything the hard way!
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For me, I wasn't familiar with dementia or Alzheimer's as I never lived closed enough to the elder relatives to see it up close and personal. So this was a whole new journey for me.

My parents didn't develop what seemed like memory loss [more than the normal as we age] until their mid to late 90's. It was very brief as other serious issues caused their passing.

I just needed to read all I could get my hands on regarding memory. In fact I read too much, as now if I forget something I tend to panic big time. Information overload :P

I did learn from the forums the differences between Independent Living... Assisted Living/Memory Care.... nursing home/long-term-care. I also learned how to respond when my parents said something that I knew wasn't correct... to just agree and leave it at that. Thus, I had to teach my Dad to do the same for my Mom when she was in total confusion.
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My mom just....didn't make sense. Not every day, and not in every way.

But something was "off." Despite her valiant attempts to hide it.

Bless her crazy heart. The thought of mom being more scared than I was (true in hindsight) is such an eye-opener.

Dementia is a colossal rip-off. Whether you know it early or know it late.
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I look back and laugh - at myself. I imagine the expression on my face when a junior doctor at the ER first said the words "vascular dementia" relating to my mother. I was indignant. I felt insulted on her behalf. How dare he! My mother could not possibly be demented! She was much too bright and articulate! She had merely had some sort of stroke and was temporarily confused...

I was, in short, pig-ignorant. I went home with my (curly) tail between my legs and did quite a lot of reading.
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The best book I've read since finding my dad had dementia was:

An Unintended Journey: A Caregiver's Guide to Dementia by Janet Yagoda Shagam.

It's a wonderful read that takes one through the entire journey of dementia; along with some really good tips regarding how to find good Elder Attorneys; Power of Attorneys for health care, etc. I checked the book out from our local library and ended up ordering a copy for both myself and my sister.
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My own parents.
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WOW!! I love that question!

I'm suspicious my dad has some form of early dementia even though most say no.
Reading and getting educated here is way better than my cup of coffee this am!
Keep your experiences coming friends, I'm addicted to knowledge 😊, even though I catch myself a bit demented and "pig-ignorant" at times 😉
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Mom was worse after each transient ischemic attack. Forgetting birthdays, overdue bills, overdraft fees. She had always been organized, on time or early. Some dreams became her reality. She became more I oriented only her wants,desires,needs mattered. It was slow but eventually it needed to be addressed especially when medication wasn't being taken correctly.
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about 2 months ago my dad just stopped.
just stopped wearing anything but pajama bottoms
stopped cooking real food
stopped talking about going to the store
stopped remembering what day it was or what time it is
stopped being able to find words for things
stopped sleeping his normal sleep pattern and stayed awake at night
stopped taking his medication
stopped having his glass of wine in the evenings with dinner
stopped using his cane and had to go to a walker

We have called in In home care ,, we will call in nursing staff next.. not sure what to do about the medical approach.
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