I asked to double check that she wanted me to put throw the rag out and I get accused of opening it up and letting everything fall out of it. I put it in a grocery bag and tied it up after the fact. Of course she had to give me shit about this kind of thing will kill me (these arguments ,etc.) I told her how her laundry was doing. Then she got mad at me because I misunderstood the question. I can't remember the question because I'm upset. And accused me again of causing her heart to beat irregularly. HELP! Communication is tougher. She understands it one way, I understand it another way. I didn't realize I opened the rag but she doesn't want hear it, cause how can I be so stupid or absent minded. Though she didn't say either but she accused me of not thinking. Idk. I feel like I am walking on egg shells with her and now she's mad at me. What am I supposed to do?! I NEED HELP! Now 2 of the 6 meatballs I bought yesterday were too small. I got accused of not watching the guy closely (blah, blah, blah). I ripped up some junk mail and she says that's foolish or something. I told her it was junk mail. Her hyper criticism is getting worse in old age. Now I am questioning what is really going on (my own reality verse hers). UGH! Idk how or who to even get to help me because I'll get accused of going behind her back, betraying her trust or accused of playing the victim. Every time she gets mad she accuses me of not caring about her heart condition, and says this kind of crap is going to kill me but she doesn't have to react the way she does to things, right? She uses this so often I cannot help but feel as if she is weaponizing her condition, is this the case or am I being overly dramatic?)We do live together and it is my house. I work 5 days a week and run errands many days out the week. When she gets mad at me nothing I do is right or she'll even bring up past mistakes or other grievances. She's always kind of done that but now it's worse. The tension around her is thick. She's giving me the silent treatment. She'll eventually bring up all these issues once again and it shrinks me. I never feel like I can not explain my side of things. It has to be her way or else. I felt bad about posting this but I need to vent and to actually feel heard. I don't always feel heard when we talk. Maybe it's possible she feels the same way? Can I delete this later? Help and hugs are very much needed!
You don't give us enough details to know what to suggest for the help you are asking for.
Does she have a history of mental illness or personality disorder? Has she been abusive to you throughout your life together? Or, is she getting worse due to suspected dementia?
You cannot work with someone using reason and logic and empathy if that person has mental illness or dementia. You will exhaust yourself trying. If it is your house, you need to move this person out. If it is their house, you need to leave, There really isn't any other solution.
This person: you are not responsible for their happiness. If an elder, it was their job to plan better for their future care and not create a "care slave" like yourself. You do not have to volunteer for this job, if fact you should NOT.
Perhaps you are enmeshed with her, or have a dysfunctional co-dependency with them. Have you ever talked to a therapist? If not, maybe this is something you need to do for your own sanity.
Stop arguing with this person. You need to find and defend healthy boundaries. Life is too short to waste it in this pointless, devolving situation. It's time to rescue yourself rather than others. This doesn't make you a bad person -- it makes you a healthy and wise person.
I wish you clarity and peace in your heart as you plan and execute your own rescue.