How do you deal with long-term depression associated with living with mother?

In order to deal with my mother living in the house with me I have a therapist, psychiatrist , 2 antidepressants, 1 antianxiety agent.My mother saw different doctors 72 times for 2015, I havent' seen a dentist in the last 3 yrs.None of the md visits are crucial , She has refused further chemo, refused radiation.so that's pretty much it. I make sure she sees her pain management MD and that her pain is under control and her podiatrist to get her toenails trimmed. For 80yrs.old I don't see the end in sight for a while as for me, I am 100lbs. overweight depressed and feel like my life has been hijacked. Well, that is stopping, I have informed mother I will be more than willing to take her to Physical therapy and other exercise get togethers at the gym but the nonsense md visits are going to have to stop.I am not doing that anymore. Her yearly checkups wiill get done. If she thinks she is having an emergency we will call 911 and the ER can deal with her and that I would not be sitting 12 hours in the ER with her, I will get a sitter and have had to do so before because I was exhausted. After sticking to my boundaries, she is actually doing better but grumbling, I have lost 12lbs. and lost 2 and a half inches from my abd.I even made an appointment toget my teeth cleaned.Again, I have done what I can , can't cure narcissism, aging.

DianneKK, it sure sounds like your goals for yourself and you teenage child are reasonable. I can't say that I would stay miserable long term, if there were other options. Granted, sometimes there are financial and or inheritance issues that complicate matters. My cousin is the same age of your mom. What condition does she have that is causing her dementia?

In light of the dementia, I wouldn't expect her to be able to fully process the situation, what you are doing or show appreciation, though, we all need a little encouragement once in awhile. I learned to not expect that from my cousin, though, she does seem grateful for little things that I do like bringing her treats to her Memory Care unit. Before she was in AL, I had to attend to most all of her needs, plus, run my own business. That didn't work long term, but she didn't seem to notice. She just thought I could be by her side all night and day. I'm not sure how much of it was do to memory loss though.

Ref. your dissatisfaction with her medication regimen.
Do you have your mom's Healthcare POA? Are you handling her medical decisions yet? If the doctors and medications are not in line with her wishes, then why not explore if they are necessary? A friend of my mother's recently went to a new doctor who was shocked at all the different meds she was taking. He wanted to cut out half of them, gradually, keeping her on what was necessary for her physical and mental health.

I take Cymbalta. If I can't sleep, I take a Benadryl. I think you need a vacation, a week at the beach. I hope you get there soon.

I am with you guys. I wanted to comment on a post I saw a few days ago too. Woman was feeling guilty about losing her temper. Especially while on 'code brown' cleanup over and over again. I too feel I have given up my life for my mom. And honestly it is in part for her not having to go to nursing home (which she hated while there for rehab) and partially for my future inheritance (which is really just this modest house). That was two years ago....we spent 25k on some caregiver relief for me and accommodations made to the house since she broke her hip and then heart failure. But mom is furious with me for spending ANY of her money. Like I'm a gold digger or something. And I've noticed on this forum a few posts about 'shame on you, use your parents money on their care'. Well, duh. My
Mom doesn't want to spend any money, I'm expected to just be the 24 /7 caregiver. When I hire someone for an afternoon off once a week, I get lots of grief from her. At this point she has digressed to where she doesn't really understand things but for the last years. She did, pouring over the bank stAtements like the IRS! I'm just venting, cause as I'm sure you long termers have experienced the isolation of this job. Friends give up on asking you out...and soon forget you. Including boyfriend, which at my age was a miracle in itself... But he's moved on...
So yeah, anger depression, got fat (but took off 32 pounds another miracle, and I'm writing an ebook about it). Gave up my career as a teacher, afraid I'm going to be too old to get hired back...anywhere. So yes anger depression....and still some soft hearted love manages to come through. Even for a mother that was pretty mean to me her whole life. I have an older half brother who telephones but won't come to visit or help...guess he felt the mean mom sting too. I hate to say this, but since I'm using this rambling post to vent...it is a relief that my mom is passing into dementia stage lately. Much calmer, no fights over money. But now she is physically much harder to care for as she is no longer mobile. Doctor said it may be time for Hospice but Mom scared to death of the very word as my dad only lasted 2 weeks at home with hospice and she thinks they are murderers...oh forgot that, she also thinks IAm trying to murder her....haven't heard that accusation in a couple of weeks now....very hurtful when you are giving your life for someone, no? And she has sporadically thought that for many years now...perhaps she's always been undiagnosed paranoid. What do we do? Carry on I guess. And vent on here once in awhile.

I have to agree, that venting here does help! After hearing some of your stories I feel guilty for even complaining! Im lucky as far as my mom being practically self sufficient. Meaning she attends to all her own personal care. She doesnt drive anymore though. Hasnt in three yrs. Or so. That does leave alot on me. A part of me blames the drs. For putting her on a hundred meds. Im pretty sure she didnt need. She is only 65, and i just think at this age she should still be proactive in her life. I see little old women out running errands and living life independently, but each case is different i suppose. My hopes are my mom can be as happy as possible for whatever time she has left on earth. She has went thru alot, and deserves happiness too. I will keep you all in my prayers. You have to take care of your self too!!