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My mother (90) has dementia, macular degeneration, and had colon cancer so has colostomy which we irrigate daily. My question, she has been with me 4 years, now wants to get her a house. She thinks she can take care of herself, said she is tired of sitting around, but I try to get her to do things and she is not interested. But says she is bored. How is best to handle this so she realizes this is not an option. She does nothing for herself. Now should I just tell her I will let her take care of everything for herself and see if she can and if she can let her get a house? (which will never happen) I'm just so tired of hearing the same thing all the time she expects me to sit right with her all the time.  I can’t do that. I am 73 myself my husband is on in home dialysis so that takes some of my time. I feel like I have no time for me without having to tell her everyday she can’t live alone. If I show her maybe it will help (input)

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Your first responsibility is to be there 100% for your husband. You mother now needs more care than you can give her. And her unrealistic imaginings are probably the result of dementia or cognitive decline, so you won't really be able to reason with her about her future care, so just decide what YOU really want. My MIL has been in a LTC since 2016 and decided to never get out of bed. When we visit she asks when can she go back home (her house was foreclosed in 2018). We tell her as soon as she is able to get out of bed and walk and take care of herself and she always insists she can do that, then we say, "Ok, let's see you get out of bed." End of conversation and argument.

Transition your mom into a care community where she can be in assisted living (if she's able) or LTC. It doesn't mean you don't love her or care about her. It just means you are being realistic and wise. Help her apply for Medicaid if she doesn't have the financial means. At 73 you need to take care of yourself, especially since you are already caring for your hubby. I wish you peace in your heart as you think about this option.
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You really can't reason with a person who has dementia or get them to understand. The part of the brain that processes is often not working, so, they are just not capable of realizing that her belief about how she can live independently is magical thinking. My LO was the same way. My LO's doctor told her that she had to have AL. It wasn't up for discussion. I explained that she needed it for rehab, getting her medication adjusted, nutrition on track, etc. She went along with it.

I'd figure out what care she needs and make the arrangements. Do you have POA?
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Exactly the advice I would have given! Geaton, you handled your mom perfectly...
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