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My spouse with BvFTD has been living in bed and only leaves it for the bathroom. He watches TV all day and night. I talked with him about the health impacts and asked if he is content to live this way. It surprised me that he told me that he watches meaningful TV documentaries and the news. He is very happy to live this way. Should I be more accepting of his choice and stop trying so hard to get him interested in life beyond his room and TV?

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He is happy and not bothering anyone - count your blessings .
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He may not have the capacity to enjoy life the way you'd like him to. With dementia, you have to enter THEIR reality and not insist that your way is "the right way". Some elders with this type of dementia are very angry and trying to wander away, acting agitated and even violent!

I'd leave well enough alone and get on with YOUR life, realizing you've lost the old partner you once had, sadly. Hire sitters for DH and take Funkygrandma's good advice, thats what I'd do.

I'm glad to hear that hubby is content, that's a real blessing!

Best of luck.
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As a home caregiver running myself ragged taking care of husband, house, finances, medication, appointments and so on, lying in bed and watching TV all day every day seems like heaven.

Take him some chocolates and realize it could be worse. Bad behavior and other things that are harder to handle. Maybe he’s earned this rest.
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How old is your husband?
Did this start with his dementia, or was he always a bed lover-couch-potato- type?

No one had a life he loved more, or a gentler, happier man, but as he moved through his 80s my dad became more and more sedentary, more an more in love with his rocking brown recliner. Content to read, watch a bit of tube. And always in love with his nap. My mom was more social and more a doer at their retirement village. Dad was not, and in his early 90s he told me he really only longed to stay in bed forever and to have the "last long nap". He was very content in this.

Quite honestly, with you hubby's diagnosis, I don't see why this cannot be his own choice. I don't see the need to push for quantity of life; just let him enjoy his own version of quality. Some folks with FTD have a very difficult time, a lot of unhappiness and outbursts, and as you describe your problem, your husband seems quite content. A cause for celebration, perhaps?

Best of luck to you.
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It sounds like your husband has made his choice to live in his bed, so now it's time for you to make your choice to live your life.
And hopefully that will mean getting out to do lunch or supper with friends, going to church, talking walks, going shopping and whatever else floats your boat.
Just because you husband has chosen to basically stop living his life doesn't mean that you have to stop living and enjoying yours.

After my late husband had his massive stroke he too didn't want to go places anymore, but he knew I was a people person and liked to go and do, so I did. I continued meeting with my girlfriends, going to church, going shopping and even took many day trips.
And I continued to do things even after my late husband became completely bedridden, as I had a security camera in the room where he was, so I could check on him even when I was out and about.

Our lives don't have to stop just because we think that our spouses lives have.
So get out there and start living and enjoying your life, and let your husband enjoy his as he sees fit.
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WeepingWillow Nov 7, 2023
I'm doing more of this. I love the idea of a camera in his room so I can check his safety. I'm also starting to hire helpers. I'm going on a spiritual retreat in Dec for three days and have help lined up. My LO is not questioning this arrangement or trying to tell me he is okay on his own. I'm a little surprised, but also very relieved. He is not aware that he has dementia.
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Ditto to what cwillie suggested, but I'm not sure I'd worry about a sitter if he never gets out of bed. He probably wouldn't even know (or care) that you were gone.

My MIL decided to stop getting out of bed during her time in AL. Since they can't force her, she eventually lost all her musculature and is now bedridden in LTC. The "upside" to this is that Medicaid now pays for this. The staff was eventually able to coax her to join in on other activities and she engages with the staff a lot. Sometimes care in the home cloisters our LOs where being in a more social setting would benefit them more mentally and emotionally. The facility even takes my MIL out on a pontoon (in her wheelchair) and has raised garden beds. She is doing really well there.

Is your husband on any medications for depression? If not, maybe consider this. IMO he may possibly be depressed.
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The problem I can see is that with so little physical activity soon living in bed will not just be a choice it will be all that is possible, which will make caring for him exponentially more difficult. Practically there is little you can do to stop him, but you don't need to cater to it either. Serve all meals at the table and don't fetch and carry for him throughout the day, if there are visitors don't visit in the bedroom, make him come to you.... you get the idea. And since he feels fine living independently from you accept any opportunities available to leave the house (with a sitter of course) so that you are not dragged under with him.
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