Do you live with your aging parent and have a home health attendant? Advice needed. - AgingCare.com

Do you live with your aging parent and have a home health attendant? Advice needed.

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Hello all. Everyone on this list is so helpful that I thought I would ask your advice. I live with my elderly father and I work from home. We have a Home Health Attendant during my work hours and I wanted to know if anyone else is in the same situation and how you handle it. At first our home health attendant was providing 24 hour care. But the fact that I live here made it easy for her to say that she was going to discontinue providing 24 hour care and only come during my work hours. The problem is that our HHA thinks she runs the show. My family hired her I had nothing to do with the process. As I mentioned I work from home and Im required to have a quiet work environment. Our HHA is very loud. Between my father having the TV turned up at full volume and their loud conversations its almost impossible to work. Very often she will take things upon herself without asking if it is okay to do whether its buying too many things or telling my father what he is going to do for the day without even asking me.
I just wanted to know how others deal with their HHA and if you have any advice for making it all run smoothly.

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Thanks LadeeC.
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the closest thing are our 'walls' .. "give a hug" will get you there. As will clicking on a profile name. It's still public, but not to a group post.
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Is there an inbox feature on this site, meaning the ability to send private messages as opposed to an entire group ?
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hehehe .. that happens a lot
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Great advice Ladee. and I had to check to see which Ladee I was talking to. lol.
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@ Too .. and mine, right back would have been, "You can stop yelling, I'm not hard of hearing. Next time take it home, or we'll eat it, you've been warned." And walk away. Brook no argument. Seriously, it's time to take control. She's winning (and whining). Fine, if she's not going shopping, she won't get paid. Dad loves her, but she IS replaceable. Please don't take offense, but .. you need to 'grow some' iron ovaries, m'dear. Or .. you could always move out, and let the POA take all the responsibility. Choices .. they're all yours.
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Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. Its a blessing to be able to put into words what goes on every day and have such honest caring, feedback. Im not a complete wimp. There are many different dynamics going on and it is a unique situation. @ Karen, she takes my father grocery shopping. He pays for the groceries but I feel too much is purchased that goes to waste even though he buys enough for all of us in the household. When Ive mentioned that the response is: WELL IM NOT GOING TO DO THE SHOPPING ANYMORE "

@Ladee, what you said makes perfect sense. Here is the response I would get: "I COOKED IT FOR MYSELF !!! I PUT IT AWAY FOR ME ...YOU KNOW YOU DIDNT COOK IT SO NO ONE SHOULD TOUCH IT !!"
When approached with a problem the response is never: "Sorry. I wont do that again." The response is yelling, defensiveness and threats of quitting
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Can you give more details on who hires her? Because I'm not sure why you are having a hard time deciding if it is someone with full authority. If she is already having an attitude, it's time to do something. Don't wait till she gets into your nerves.

You also mentioned that she is spending too much and doesn't ask for your approval right? Who provides the money she spends, is it you or your siblings? Because the cost of hiring HHA is already a challenge, so you don't allow her to be a burden by buying too many things without your or your siblings approval. And don't allow her to dictate what you need to do, like saying she isn't going to cook and commands you to cook...remember, she was hired as HHA and she is supposed to be doing that. I can imagine the tone of her voice while telling you to cook doesn't seem to be right, it's actually a command, not a request.

You got to do something before she controls everything...there are lots of agencies that offer HHA services, that conduct background and personality check so if you feel the need to get a new HHA, then you got to start talking to your dad, and who knows, it may be easier to convince him to get a new aide to provide long term care services for him :)
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TooMuch .. if it were me, I'd tell her, simply: "If it's not labeled as yours, since this is mine and my dad's house, I'll assume it's ours. End of story."
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If you continue to live there, you accept the conditions.
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