Like the Groundhog Day movie... any advice for getting Alzheimer's mom to move past a daily recurring delusion of a painful fake event?

I would try turning the her heartache into a story. A mother feels pain when they don't know what happened to the children. A mother will imagine the worst has happened. Spin her a story, use magic and imagination to change what was at first thought to be misfortune, into a fortunate Path of Fun and Adventure for the 5 children. Take the sadness out of the story, think of funny or magical beings who join them in their quest to get back home. It's just an idea, each day you or your family can add more to the story, she may remember parts of the made up story, and want to hear more of what her children did during their adventure at the train station. Hope this gives you an idea to work with.

You might try comforting her with a picture of the children that was taken when they were young and see if she will believe the story that the photo was just taken and they are safe. Maybe put the photo in a frame do she can hold it. It might help. I have found false stories my husband holds, disappear in time. Some within weeks, some longer. Diversion, diversion, diversion.

If she can enjoy watching movies, say "that reminds me of the Boxcar Children, let's watch that movie". My mom loves that movie

She also has a stuffed kitty and a plant she likes to care for. Giving care makes her feel very nice. I have to keep a calendar next to the plant, or it will get too much water ;)

If diversion doesn’t work, I flat out lie: I already called the police and they are working it. The police already took care of it and everything is alright.... Depending on the stage of Alz works great for me

My mom relives many painful moments regarding her 10 babies. Always the mother, she is frantically concerned about their safety, whereabouts, etc. Our remedy is to reassure her that we’ve ensured all 10 babies have been fed and put to bed. We go along with her dream, imagination, and concern. It pretty much works well. But of course, she repeats these memories almost everyday and sometimes multiple times a day. So, we have to keep up the scenario to calm her down. The main point is that we reassure her that we have seen to it that all her babies are doing fine. Only then, can she rest.

There are times when to comfort that anxiety I will give her a half dose of her anti-depression meds

My mom did this too (Alzheimer's as well). As frustrating and heartbreaking as it was to have to watch her re live a false experience that just absolutely did not happen, the fact was her "broken brain" made it very real to her. So we listened to the story again (sometimes multiple times in a day) as if it were the first time being told. Again the damage Alzheimer's does to the brain makes it very real to her. Challenging or correcting only made it worse for her. So we let her tell her story again and kept eye contact with her and showed love, compassion and concern. This is what she needed for the time. Eventually that passes and the disease progresses on. Give her your full attention and continue to lavish her with your care concern and love. It won't seem like such a big deal later and you'll be so glad you did.

Make up tickets with coloured recipe cards, make them look legit, ask her if they are the lost tickets, offer to get them to the kids [maybe a friend in the business] so they can get home safe & sound - then say they will send her a card that they are safe .... have some kids write the names so it is kid's writing not adult - she won't need to talk to them because they now have adult voices & she would expect their children's voices - she sees them as children so that is why they don't reassuure her

With my ALZ partner, delusions frequently are abated by introducing a "trigger" that will relate/remind her about an event/happening in her life that was very joyful for the two of you. Works for me, hope I helped.

"We've tried every trick we know:
-having Skype calls with all her children to remind her they are grown and safe and sound
-holding her and reassuring her that the children are fine
-distracting her by doing things at home and then doing trips
-lies of love"

Sometimes these work, but probably only in the earlier stages. If she is visualizing the "kids" as kids, then Skype calls won't really work, as the kids are no longer THOSE kids in her delusion. Reassuring is okay, but it doesn't really stop her concerns. Distractions can work, but often only for a while, until the scratch in the broken record comes around again.

The "join her reality" worked for you, so I would recommend sticking with that. It seems odd to have to play along and make stuff up, but playing along is usually all you can do because to them this is real! By playing along, you can help direct her thoughts to how the kids were "rescued" and are now having fun! Rinse and repeat.

My mother (97, into year 4 of MC) is living at about 40 years ago. I can peg this based on her asking about her mother (gone 40+ years) and comments made about her younger sister. The first time was 9 mo into her MC, asking if I could drop her off at Nana's. I had to quickly think, look at my watch, said it's a little late in the day and not on my way home, so maybe tomorrow? She bought that! I think leaving it open-ended like that can be a good thing - the door to possibility remains open, rather than slamming it in her face and telling her that her mother is gone. THAT would also have to be repeated each time. The fib is much better for her, as it leaves hope. The "truth" will be painful each and every time! Whenever she brings them up, I have to quickly think up some scenario. For instance, one time mom asked if I had seen or talked to her mother. I took a gamble and said they went to FL. It was winter then. She thought about it for a bit, and then said "they used to do that." I did luck out - I was worried she would be angry that they didn't ask her to go!

With dementia comes repetition. It was the first real inkling I got, when she started to repeat herself - questions, statements, whatever - in a matter of minutes. She often gets stuck on that "scratch", so I sometimes have to give the record a little nudge, to move on to the next scratch.

Your mother might cycle through this for a while and perhaps will move on to some other odd scenario later. There's no script for this and you just have to know it can happen and to be quick to "adjust" to the new normal! So long as your ability to join her reality and guide her to the happy ending works, do that!

I don't know that tough. Joining her fantasy seems like the only thing that will work once she's in it. Because it's real to her. Maybe one night have her write in her own handwriting, the kids actually did have tickets and they got picked up, or some kind of conclusion to stop it before it starts so she reads it before manifesting? Any more in her own handwriting she should believe, that's what I do for my dad, he's got dementia and everyday seeing the note I had him write about not going anywhere because of Corona virus helped him remember, and at least not ask me 20 times a day why we couldn't go out to eat. Be creative, it might take a couple different attempts to find a scenario that works for her. Good luck and God bless you

Imho, I would NOT play into the faux storyline.

Try playing some music in her room that she can hear as she drifts off. Maybe it will change the thoughts in her head as she goes to sleep. I haven't been able to sleep without a TV or other noise for years because my brain goes in to overdrive as I try to nod off. If my brain is really wild, I put in an earbud and listen to an audio book. I find if I focus on a movie or the book, I can't think about other things that cause anxiety.

You might also look at her meds and see if any cause nightmares or similar. Gabapentin created HUGE nightmare issues for my mom.

I am a caregiver for clients with alzheimers and dementia, and many other illnesses and disease. Most with my clients it really is like groundhog day. That is how I try and explain to others how my situation is and working very close with their families. So anyway yes it is the same thing every day and I like to try getting their attention with things she really likes to do, but as you said she is still holding on to those memories she believes still. But yes they forget that to. I certainly know most every family (most) keep coming often and even you can tell she doesn't even remember her family anymore but they never stop stop coming. You know unfortunately Alzheimer clients do not get better. You are doing all you can!! It's not easy on you and the family. I say get some alone time for yourself and maybe hire someone like me a caregiver with experience. My families feel grateful that I am here for them to trust and help with everything.
You are doing all you can it sounds to me, she may need the anxiety meds as well. I wish you peace and follow your continence . Yes sometimes you have to tell a few lies to keep going, nothing wrong with that.

joining her reality would have been my first recommendation. Does she take medication for anxiety?

I knew someone who had similar behavior (her kids were going to get off the bus from school and she needed to be there for them). She would get in a full on panic attack about it multiple times a day. She could be redirected temporarily (your neighbor is meeting them at the bus today, etc) only to descend back into panic hour or even minutes later. She was in terrible pain over it. The staff felt helpless. Her family was adamantly anti-meds. She usually didn’t get anxious when family visited because it was such a disruption from her routine, she would be just sort of confused, but not anxious. Eventually, her family allowed the doc to prescribe. Once the right combo/dose was determined, her quality of life improved. She was able to engage with others, enjoy activities, much happier in general.

If things don't start getting better, I would definitely contact her doctor to see if a medication can take away some of the anxiety and panic.
You could try a visual board to have pictures of the scene she is "seeing" and instead of it being so unpleasant, make it into a pleasant picture. If she is seeing her children lost in a forest, then find a picture of a nice cozy cottage and attach it to the board. Post a handwritten letter from the children stating they found the train tickets and are making their way home.
This anxiety and panic may be driven by a former event which may never leave her memory. Having a board with visuals may distract for awhile. She may even be able to help put it together with you. Then you will have a "tool" to use during the day when she is most upset. Give her the board and talk about it. Let her pick out things that comfort her such as a piece of clothing from the past, baby doll, picture of her with her children from years ago.
Good luck! This is not easy. She may be trying to process a former event and that could take awhile. Enjoy the good times and know you are helping her on her road home.

Contact Teepa Snow. You can learn how to interact / communicate with people with dementia. Contact your local Alzheimer's Association. It sounds like you need 'hands-on' professional guidance.

Read the book “the 36 hr day” which will help you to understand why just going with her delusion is the way. The actual situation with her is a past event that she is transposing into this. But coming to ‘resolution’ is apparently blocked (perhaps others can explain this better than me). Please just go with her delusion she’s not in the real world. Can’t one of siblings call and say Hey mom it’s me, we’ll all see you soon.......

Dementia causes changes to the brain. Applying logic and reasoning may not help. I'd treat mental distress just as seriously as physical pain. I'd explore medication with her doctor immediately.

Wow! Her story sounds like a classic anxiety story, like a dark fairy tale or nightmare. She's thinking of her children as they were when young, not as they are now. Anxiety is a common condition for people with dementia. You're doing all the right things. In my mother's memory care facility, some of the women find comfort having a baby doll to hold. My mother likes stuffed animals and used to talk to them when she was verbal. Talk to her doctor about her anxiety. My mother's doctor prescribed melatonin. It relaxes the mind a bit. It need to be taken every day and has no bad side effects. It also helps with sleeping. This may go away on its own, eventually.

Poor baby! My 91 yo mom so convincingly gets like just that. She "has to go because her parents are waiting for her". Over and over and over. I tried rationalizing and finally the hospice staff helped me by telling me to be with her in HER reality.

Sweetie, I disagree with the "medical model" of dementia... sure there are scientific reasons for it but from another perspective ... these twilight world imaginings (to me) represent the spiritual/emotional transition to the next plane. Without being heavy or weird or religious... what I found was that my mom was working through her unresolved fears/guilt SYMBOLICALLY through these imagined events. Like a dream world where the story is fabricated, but the underlying pain is real.

My mom had enormous guilt for abandoning her parents in her home country when she fled to America at 20yo. She never saw her parents again.

I began to understand this and in a very matter of act way, I responded to her anxiety. I told her that her parents knew she was at the hospital (ALF) and they wanted her to stay there. They were concerned about the COVID and felt it was in everyone's best interest.

I told her she was a good daughter and her parents were happy with her.

She looked at me and said "you talked to them? You did that for me?" I said I did. and she said "You are such a good daughter". It was over until the next time. One great thing about dementia is you can use your rap over and over and they don't get tired of it.

So find the answer she likes best and use it each time. Try to remind her of the solution to the UNDERLYING fear/guilt. Perhaps that's "You were such a great mom" "you took care of so many kids so well" "everyone used to say what a great mom you were" etc

Remember, its not really about the lost kids, it's about her guilt and heightened sense of responsibility that still generates but through a scrambled memory. In some sense her instinctual defense of her brood is totally natural. Your solution to comfort her so creatively that those kids were picked up is perfect. It may need to be said everyday.

After my mom's dog died, she tended to see dogs trapped in cars when there were no dogs in the cars. I had to go look in the windows of the cars and show her they were reflections. I got her a stuffed toy dog that looks very much like her old dog. She takes it everywhere with her, kisses it, cuddles it, scolds it, etc. So that delusion is gone, but there are others. They go away then circle back around. There aren't as many now that she is in assisted living. At her house there were so many ranging from not having any money, so she was going to be put in jail, to that she had to trade houses with a neighbor because she could no longer afford her house, to there being a robber across the street in the neighbor's house. Going along with your mom's story and adding a happy ending to it is the best you can do until it goes away. I think the doll suggestion is very good. It might be a dream she is remembering. My mom remembers her dreams, but not the reality that just happened.

The white lies are the solution. My father experienced this with an event of two kids drowning. I tried asking close family members and members who lived where he was born and got nothing. So began the white lies, this calmed him and continued to work until he moved past it, it did take several months but it eventually stopped.

My mother-in-law has a recurring mis-remembrance of her last hospital trip that is quite upsetting for her. She had a UTI, dehydration, and malnourishment, and a fall at a store - she was living independently in Hawaii (her choice) while we live in Florida and her other son lives in California (he has POAs). She was taken to the hospital for treatment and remembers is as imprisonment and torture (IVs are uncomfortable as well as foley catheters). We try to remind her that was her "hospital stay" and that she is OK now and has caretakers round the clock.

My grandmother kept having recurring fits of indignation against her brother-in-law about the dissolution of a family business. She thinks her husband got a raw deal. This happened when my mom was a young adult. She has seen this BIL and his family decades since the incident. I talked her through a process of forgiveness. I remind her of the last time she saw them. Now, every time her memory goes there, I just remind her that she decided to forgive and the last time she saw them.

My daughter deals with depression and anxiety. She is fine now. But, she self-admitted herself to a psych unit once when she was having vivid dreams and thoughts of jumping off her apartment balcony or self harm. She never would do this but the thoughts were frightening her.

The thoughts are "real" to them and very frightening. Dr. Caroline Leaf has wonderful books about how the brain works. Talk them back to what they see around them. Remind them that people are ok. Then, divert the focus of their mind to something that engages them totally. The goal is to try to create a new, pleasant nerve/memory pathway and to have the disturbing one fall away from disuse. Admittedly, this is hard to do with Alzheimer's dementia where the brain does not hold onto new information easily.

I've gone through this as well. But just like memories, their delusions are forgotten as well. I've found the more anxious my mother is, the more negative the delusions, so I try to keep her calm as much as possible.
It's tough to see a parent so frightened by something we know isn't true. Sometimes I think I'm more upset by it than my mother.

Get her five baby dolls right away! It helped my friend's mother calm down so much! She tends to those babies and gives them love and care. I'm at the point where I'm almost ready to do that with my mother too. She spends lots of time worrying about bad things happening to her 5 children, remembering, barely, traumatic events from our childhoods where she was powerless to help us. The damage she caused us as an angry, over-reactive, emotionally immature and narcissistic parent are coming back to haunt her now. She's always been aware of her poor choices, but never had the guts or resources to be accountable to us or to do any self-exploration. It's left her feeling guilty and locked into shame. With the increasing dementia, it gets expressed as this weird anxiety and delusions about bad things happening to us which are not real but affect her mind as though they are. Not much we can do about it at this point. It's like a living hell. I keep thinking when she dies, it'll be better for her - she'll be able to see things from a different perspective. It's as though she thinks that the only thing to do now is to try as hard as she can to do for her babies - the little wee ones who don't talk back, or give her pause to consider her behavior. The "safe" ones, the innocent ones. The real, adult children who needed her to be an adult are too intimidating. We've all had to work hard on our mental health in order to just be around her. Part of her care now is to provide the "prop" to allow her the illusion of being a 'good' mother to help her calm down in her madness about what an abusive person she was, to assuage her guilt. If that comes in the form of a bay doll, so be it.

You have hit on the way to help her, join the reality that she has. But you should contact her doctor and inform them that she is going through this and they can prescribe a medication for the anxiety and that should help. It might take a little while to hit on the right medication and or dose if it does not work right away, and it may take time to get into her system so be patient.
As with any form of dementia this may pass and she may be on to a new source of anxiety. You just kind gotta go with the flow.
By the way does she have any baby dolls? If she is focused on babies this might help her if she has a baby or more within her reach.

Yes. It will pass. It will pass with the next stage. It will be fast but not fast enough having to distract her every minute of the day. But it will. You are doing great with what you are doing. We did exactly the same. Everyone was on board to get my mother through it. We have took care of her and my dad for the past 5 years. She passed this March from her 3rd stroke in 18 months. I miss her but I know she is whole again and with her savior.

You have to get in touch with her doctor right away and let him/her know of this delusion your poor mother is suffering from. I'm sure there is a medication that can be prescribed to calm her down.........immediately. It's too sad for her to be going through such a thing on a daily basis...........and hard for YOU as well.

Wishing you the best!