I'm 50 yrs old and feel like life is passing me by. Does anyone else feel this way?

I've had to take a hard look at my life and to see that I will never get to do or enjoy some things..that the time/season had passed so I could grieve it and let it go...to then be willing to embrace what 'life' has to offer me now. It is very painful but if you literally invite God into it then the ability to grieve and let go is made easier and takes less time to do... I think the key is to find out how to truly know and love yourself so you can then operate out of that place....finding ways to care for the little child within and the exhausted lonely sometimes sad or angry adult. If we invite God into to it, we can go on an incredible journey of self-discovery and healing right where we are...right in the seemingly 'prison' that our life has become in the natural. One thing God has taught me is never feel guilty over being human and having needs. This is one of the hardest things to do in all of human experience... we first must learn what it means to truly love...we think we know, especially if we raised children but this is different because there are hardly any rewards or warm fuzzies. This is literally where the ship sometimes hits the fan, lol. I've done the caretaker thing vs. caregiver thing, I've done it without God & with God, without boundaries and with personal boundaries, with guilt and without, with help and without, with illness and pain and without etc. and the most important thing is to do it with God, as a caregiver with boundaries/self love without guilt or shame because you are human. I still feel like crap sometimes and screw up or get sick or just can't take one more TV show or program or question about her mail or doctor appt etc. because I'm human! Lol! Took God 26 years to teach me to love myself, lol, I'm a slow learner, lol.
I think you all are truly and honestly fabulous and beautiful because your even trying to do this and for the ones trying to care for parents who are not and never have been loving..well God bless you all and keep you and give you peace. My love & prayers are with us all

This sounds familiar! Only I am married to someone 30 years my senior. I am taking care of 2 people!
The only place I go is to the Drs!
My husband can still get around but has his own health issues and is very demanding.
I will never get married again.
I'm not much older than you. Yes I see my friends and family go out and go on vacations. It is not easy to watch.
I also take care of a 91 year old relative who is very demanding. If I'm not waiting on one, I'm waiting on the other!
I can't leave them alone to even go to the store. If anything ever happened, the other one wouldn't know what to do!
I brought up the idea of having a caregiver come in once a week so I could go somewhere, do something for a couple hours during the day. Both of them outright refused to have any such thing happen!
I have my own medical problems and I can't even go to my own Drs appts by myself.
If I leave the room to go do dishes they come looking for me.
I'm just letting you know that you're not the only one out there!
Good luck and God Bless.

I too have realized I must get out and do...my life is mostly in the house and I need to start getting out more. I have a cold right now but will try the gym soon, I think. I just started going to church again and so got care for that day and Thursdays so I can go to my friend's church. I recently moved back to an area within an hour of 1 maybe 2 friends so hopefully that will help. Also after I unpack and get better, I'm thinking of getting a partime job.

Hi everyone, I'm new on this and have just been reading mostly. Just didn't think I had anything to say. I am 51 and took care of my sick son for 4 years ( 13-17), then my dad and off for 12 years with my mom some of that time. After my dad died 8 years ago I took in my mom about 8months later. I have gone through almost every emotion you can go through and made every mistake. I went through a midlife crisis when mom first came and was a 'caretaker' instead of a 'care-giver' which is really two totally different perspectives. I was,a caretaker for about 4 years; terribly frustrated, irritated, tired, angry, sad and overly emotional. The last 4 years I've been a caregiver: I've had more peace, acceptance, understanding, love, patience, joy, self love, setting boundaries, self awareness, self control, kindness to me and her and others. I thank God for my kitties and for my God who has embraced me in this crucible. And it is a crucible...it's where you find out what you are made of, what you can handle and what you cant...you find out what Love truly is and that you really can't do this without help. It's so very humbling. I've had several nervous breakdowns and have struggled with so many unhealthy coping behaviors. I've lost A LOT of friends but realized it was for the very best because they didn't really love me but I woke up last October and realized that after 25 years of God trying to get me to love myself ( because He kept saying I couldn't truly love anyone else if I couldn't love myself)I woke up one morning and realized I LOVED MYSELF. yes it can be hell doing this but it is also beautiful in the right light.

You might want to look at it this way..when a good parent is gone, they are gone forever--leaving a huge gaping hole in your life. It's hard to care for a parent you don't like but a blessing to care for a parent you love. There are many "normal" people out there who are working two jobs, caring for their children, and struggling, so don't be tempted to think that people who aren't caregiving are all having a giant party. We all have our burdens in life....so I hope this helps to remind us to take a few moments to smell the flowers each day--literally if you can--they say that looking at greenery is healing.

Well all ur not to feel bad about wanting a life ive had dad for just iver 2 yrs gave up my job my life an an recentlya old fiing showed up in my life i forgot how good it was to have someone in my life but also relize that dad puts stress on the relationship my sister has pressed me to put dad iin a home not sure it will work but dont eat guilt if u do put them in a home it is a hard rd to pull by ur self but caregivers are just meant to have no life sometimes parnts will be better around other old folks its hard to think that way cause no one will do the job u do

Hi lonely one and all
My wife acquired nasty amyloid plaque front temporal dementia in 2007 at 45yo. I cared full time for 9 years. I love her and moved near hospital in country Australia purchasing home r100m away. I am very lonely but will not abandon her. But I need companion. Your thoughts....or any proposals...

Is that wrong.¿¿.

I thiink they r that way cause in there eyes we are the ones that have taken there lives from them my father hates me because i brought him to ohio even it was for his best i took his driving privalages everything bad. Or what he thinks is bad iis my fault when all ive done is kept hiim out a home an keep him safe an as healthy as i can

I would like to have a significant other.. but being over 45 and living at home with your mom not to mention my self esteem has gotten a little less from gaining 20 lbs from stress eating/drinking...plus working full-time in hospital and being the only caregiver f or my mom leave little time or energy for me.. Thank God I have my dog...LOL

DDDuck - sounds all too familiar! I feel like such a horrible person from some of thoughts that cross my mind. I never imagined that I would be caring for my mother while in my 50's. I so thought I would be traveling with friends and finding new adventures. I feel like I've aged 10 years in just the 2 months I've been with her. Not sure how much longer I can do this - I want to do the right thing but I don't think I'm cut out for this.

Jessie I feel your pain. I think we have the same mother or they must be sisters. My mother often says "your the boss, it's your house". If she could only understand that I just poured a tin a $$$ in a house that I will gain nothing from and have no desire to be here now or later. Even the town in which we live have nothing but bad memories for me. I drop her at the adult day center, go to work, then pick her up. That's my routine 3 days a week. The other two, I come after work to relieve the home maker. My weekends are spent trying to entertain her with activities to keep her out of the bed and smoking. My son has agreed to come by 2 days a week so that I can join a gym. Never liked going but I need an outlet - it's the gym or a bottle of crown royal. My fear is that if I start drinking I will surely become an alcoholic just to deal with the day to day non stop roller coaster that I feel like I'm on. I now have insomnia from fear that she will wander out of the house and get lost. Have sensors on the door that wakes me when she opens them several times throughout the night. Feeling desperate for a resolve. Today was not bad but I'm anticipating the challenge in the morning just to get her dressed and out the door. Sometimes I feel her resistance is intentional and that she really hates me! Feel like I'm being punished for some unknown reason - I'm trying so hard to be positive and to show more patience when dealing with her.

Today was a classic jewel of a day. We went to church and out to eat. On the way home she said how she wished my brother and I had gotten closer, because I was destined to stay in her house after she was gone. I told her I didn't plan to, but she told me I will because "It is your home." That irritated me. I told her it was her home, not mine. She has a hard time judging where she starts and I begin. Things like this make me realize that she has no clue who I am or how I feel. I see her house as a pit of despair that needs to be bulldozed at first opportunity.

occupy ur time. get a boyfriend. enjoy each other. u r not alone

Also Jessie were you able to checck out that site. Let me just add that I become a target when I stay around my mother too long. Its been like that before the dementia and old age. Its just plain old ugly. so Im not really comfortable around her too long because it just ends up in an agrument with me on the losing end a known thief, murderer, trouble maker with high blood pressure and weeping. Then when those rare moments of some type of good will comes to me I dont fall for it I just carry on as usaually because from experience It wont last long and then the fall is harder because I let my guard down. I tell you if it was for praying and myl faith in God I'd really be a real sick puppy.

I Neversettle, Jessie I feel the same way. Its like I have been bullied my whole life and I still walk on eggshells careful not to let myself fall in a trapp that will lead to a tirade or a behaviour that makes me lose it. I love her dearly but most times I cant stand her and I dont trust her. It sounds terrible I know it feels terrible too.

I know what you mean, Neversettle. I have the hardest time being with my mother because she is always miserable. She sits all day and watches TV and is so unpleasant. I have a hard time staying in the room with her for more than a few minutes. I feel guilty about that, but know there is only so much I can give without jumping into the pit myself. I wish there were other people to visit, but I'm it.

Never thought to blog in my entire life! It is good know that others are feeling the same. This disease will make you forget that it a loved one that you are caring for and speaking too. Some days I feel so bad and think maybe I could have handled it better but it's like a box of chocolates - as states by Forest Gump - you never know what your going to get or should I say who your going to get. Today is my mothers 84 the birthday she was unaware of the date and has been fairly irate for most of the morning. Of course, I can do nothing right for her!

Were u at loney girl an kit kat 199 im in se ohio maybe we need to do something for each other

I'm in your same shoes. Long story but all I can do now is cry and do my best to take care of her. I'm sorry you feel the same way I do because frankly it sucks to be this down and out. I feel guilty because if she passes I know I will miss her but I have been with her 24/7 for 2 years and I'm missing my great job, my beautiful house I had to sell because she refused to leave hers and my social life. I think she is very happy knowing that I am as miserable as she is. I can't even go to the store without being on a time clock. Yesterday I mowed the yard and it was extremely hot so I took more breaks than normal. When I came in she was huffing a puffing could barely breathe and I said what's wrong .. She said you have been gone for an hour I thought you were hurt!! I sorry to say I lost my cool with her that very minute!!! Hope this finds you some better and know you are not alone. I find people are full of advice but everyone situation is unique. The worst part my friends have deserted me cause I'm such a Debbie Downer these days!! Guess they weren't really friends. They keep in touch but when I go off on my antics the conversation ends.

Look ladys im 59 been a trucker for 1/2 my life then dad had a stroke he burried his scond wife an needed full time supervision i get no time my sister takes pops 2 times a month for a total of 16 hr tried to have a relatiinship that is even harder than being alone adf another persons needs an emotions in the mix i pray every nitethat mom would come down from heaven an take pops wirh her an i get up an its groundhog day all over again

CaringRN - sorry to hear about your mother and pray that things will workout with the DIL. at 53 and being an empty nester I thought this would be my time to go back and complete my PhD or to get back into the social swing of life - until life happened:). Its Friday night, nothing went well at work. My mother is asleep and I'm sitting on the sofa watching reruns of criminal minds, playing candy crush and reading responses. yes! I've not had a break from mom in 9 days. One day at a time is all that I can handle right now.

Loney girl that is oh. It is hard to trust anyone to come in ur. Home but some places offer in house to give u a break

Lonley girl im in the same boat dad is 83 all i do is care for him it is a big responsiblty they offer respise but i live in a bodunk town in se ogii an therre. R none were u live at

Just an update on my post a week ago & yes I am venting.My DIL's due date is 9/12/16, so 2 months ago I made arrangements with a caregiving agency to have caregiver stay with my 91 year old Mom this coming weekend so I won't be tied down in case my Grandson is born this weekend. Well, Murphy's Law hits again! On Tuesday 9/6/16, my Mom had emergency surgery for another small bowel obstruction(Yes, I understand, not her fault). She is doing well & we don't know yet when she is going to be discharged from hospital, so haven't cancelled caregiver yet. Meanwhile, my DIL's OB Dr dilated my DIL's cervix a bit to "help baby along". So what will come first;getting the call from hospital to pick up my Mom OR the birth of my 1st Grandbaby? Forget asking any of my sibs: They are all "So Busy". Taking DEEP BREATHS & One day@a time.

One more thing...Her memory is so bad now..her new phrase every 5 minutes of the day is did the mail come yet? Even when it does come I have to stay in my room so I don't have to check the mail every minute of the day...even after I give it to her....jb..mail gone bad.....

P.s. All I do is watch TV also. I am not even into football anymore because it has gotton so bad to look at that now they brought in other issues to talk about during the game...that it has gotten boring. It was my last resort of entertainment to take my mind off of things for 3 hours.....jb.....what do I have left to do anymore...punt..ha! ha!

Yes. I am a straight male of 47 years old and take care of my 83 year old mom who has dimentia. I have never been on a date because all I do is stay home and look after her. I have been out of work for a year, no income to support us and I do not qualify for anything from A to Z. I have tried everything from unemployment to SSI and Disability. Our own family blames me for everything and that I should be on the street. I have had 65 interviews and no job offers. I even drove as far as Newark to Los Altos and all over. I have posted my resume' on every website that exists. I am down to my last $100.00. My mom has been paying for everything. My life has completely shutdown. We rarely go anywhere except to the store bcause dhe can hardly go for more than an hour. She tries her best to give me money. I am so bored in my room all day by myself ecept to see that my mom is ok. Do I have the right to feel this way or am I just going crazy....because all I get is negativity from the family....Jb.

CTTN55,
There is no estate to speak of so this won't be a issue.
My mom just went from hospital to rehab about 2 weeks ago. Although I hate the idea of her being there but at the same time I am thankful for the down time I so desperately needed.

sickandtired2, I feel for you. Does your mother have an estate or trust that will be there when she is gone? If there is one, I suggest you influence her to change it so that you are the sole beneficiary. You deserve it!

It infuriates me that this is so often the situation on these boards...one sibling does it all, while the others dance through life. And yet the inheritance is split equally (in some inexplicable cases, a sib cares for a parent when they inheritance goes to someone else).

I can honestly say I don't know what I am supposed to feel. At 56 I had to take a part time job ( that is now only per diem) to care for my elderly mother. She is mobile, able to read, watch tv, pefect understanding but is unable to cook, clean, launder and maintain a household. Medicare and Social Security she receives covers the bills, what little I earn goes for food, usually less than $10,000 a year, ( that means no affordable care act insurance for me). I suppose you adjust, I don't have spouse, children or siblings, there are no close family members. So there is no choice. Certainly can't afford a professional caregiver. But it's ok, I don't need material things, I am in the process of trying to get rid of all my possessions beyond what is necessary. I don't feel life has passed me by, turn on your tv, look at Syria, Chicago, other places in this world that don't even have what I have been lucky enough to get. I can't complain. This life will end up how I react to what happens, might as well enjoy just being able to breathe, feel the sun, wind and rain. You don't take any of this with you to the grave. Make the best of what you have.