I've lost interest in everything all I do is watch tv with my 84 yr old Mother. The only place I go is grocery shopping and to all the doctors appointments. All my friend post pictures of them their family's and friends having fun. I'm not going to be this young again and I wish I was married. I don't want to end up old and alone.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
That's why I gave up facebook...

Couldn't handle seeing all the vacations and family time my no show/call useless siblings are enjoying..
Helpful Answer (18)

Hugs to you, 1LonelyGirl. What you describe could be fatigue. How could you be tired just sitting watching tv with your mother? Ah, boredom can be very tiring!

It could also be depression. I don't man having the woe-is-me blues all caregivers get once in a while. I mean the clinically-my-chemicals-are-out-of-whack kind of depression.

Fatigue and boredom you may be able to fight on your own. Depression may take some medical intervention as well as fighting on your own.

You are wise to be recognizing that life is passing you by. Your mom may need care another 10 to 15 years (or more). If you wait until your caregiving is over to live your life, it will be even harder to get restarted. Take the bull by the horns and grab some happiness now!

Mom may need to watch a lot of television. That may be well suited to her current needs. You don't need to watch it with her. What hobby or interest could you pursue while she is occupied that way? Electronic scrapbooking? Painting? Knitting, crocheting, needlepoint? Cake decorating? Wood carving? What did you used to do, or what have you wanted to do? Ideally think of something you can do on your own at home, but also interact with others about. Find websites and discussion boards for your interest. Show off your creations. Get and give feedback. Much more stimulating than watching the tv shows Mom likes.

And then find some local activities that tie in with your hobby. I recently went on an all-day bus touri of local glass crafting places. My interest was purely as a spectator but many people on that tour did stained glass work, or wanted to get into blowing glass, etc.

If you like to read, join a book club. Libraries and book stores often sponsor these.

Did you used to work? Would you enjoy meeting work friends for lunch? Or having lunch with other people from your pre-caregiving days? I sometimes had phone lunch dates with a friend in another state!

Ah, but what will you do with mother while you are out touring sheep farms that produce unique yarn? If Mom can be left alone for a few hours, you leave her alone. Otherwise you arrange for her to go to a day health program one or two days a week, or you find a volunteer service that offers a few hours of respite once in a while, or you use Mom's funds to bring in a personal care attendant on a regular basis.

You need a reason to get dressed up once in a while. To get a new hair style. To care about your appearance. Nevermind your love life for now. One step at a time. Get started by taking an interest in SOMETHING, and breaking your isolation to interact with others.

This may not be easy. And if you are experiencing clinical depression you may need some help to get going.

Please discuss your symptoms (lethargy, lack of interest, weight gain, etc.) with your doctor. You deserve good care, too.
Helpful Answer (13)

Yes. My ex and I had just split up before I came home. It's been more than six years now and I imagine I'll be alone forever. I'm 64. The ex has already remarried. It seems so much easier for men. Of course, it would be easier for us if we weren't caregiving. Certainly puts a crimp in the love life, as if being older didn't put enough of a crimp.
Helpful Answer (12)

saracaretaker, I could have written what you wrote. It sounds so much like me, except there is no caring family. My brothers call a couple of times a month, but they really don't care. My mother's doctor doesn't care, either. There is really only one person who does -- me. I think of how much easier it would be if she only didn't have diabetes coupled with dementia. She also has spinal stenosis and dizziness that keeps her from exercising, making the diabetes more challenging to handle at times. Her blood sugar tends to run high, no matter how I cook and control what she eats, so has to be managed. I know she would already be gone if I hadn't been here, since she wouldn't go into a NH.

Still I know it is not fair to me. Goodness, I'm 64 and single living with a mother who has lived 5-10 years longer than the rest of her siblings have. Sadly, it has been in poor health.

The game shows and blaring TV -- I know what you mean. We've had Family Feud and some others going on for years. Then there is The Waltons and Little House. I don't watch TV anymore, since the same shows just addle me. My mother is watching TV less now that her confusion is increasing.

I never thought when I came here when I was 57 that I would still be here at 64. The saddest thing is that I don't think my time here has been meaningful. If there had been some loving or caring or warmth of any kind, I know I would have felt different. I love it when I read about the families who are close on here, because I know that's how it should be.
Helpful Answer (9)

Helpful Answer (8)

As long as you continue to put your mothers needs before your own, nothing will change. And yes, life IS passing by and you don't get any of this time back. I both admire and pity your chose to care for your parent at home. I know I couldn't do it. So for today's movie quote I'll use one from Still Alice: "You're a better man than I".
Helpful Answer (8)

I feel the same most if the time also. My wife has been sick since 1997. It seems like the only life I have is my job. I get so tired and lonely
Helpful Answer (8)

Hey Duck - that's some choice! A hormone engulfed angry teenager to foster or caregiver to an 80+ parent with dementia! Woohoo! Sign me up! - just teasing.
Helpful Answer (7)

My Mom has always been so good to me we get all on really well. I'm missing memories with my kids and that's what hurts the most.
Helpful Answer (6)

your life IS passing you by and its a cause for considerable angst . i stayed six yrs with my mom and it was rough but now shes been gone for three years and i only feel stronger and more personally satisfied for having been there for her . nothing worthwhile is easy .
id like to meet a nice partner too , been single for 15 yrs but none of the women ive met so far have had similar values . i just need one barefoot and pregnant . she can keep her water scorch - ery the h3ll out of my kitchen .
Helpful Answer (5)

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter