Is there life after the nursing home for the caretaker?


Mom with dementia and narcissistic personality disorder(s?) has been successfully moved to a high quality nursing home, for about six months now. Caretaker brother has title to the house, which she refused to maintain for years, so he had to cobble things together, and which elder sister tried to block at the last minute, we do not know why, except she thought he would be unable to maintain it. For years he has dedicated himself to our mother. Now, he thought he would feel relief, but instead feels empty worthless and hopeless. Is this common and how can he return to life?

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Well mines there moved to lock down sister facility because had to hire agency aid to keep track of him, to keep him from going through the fire door. Now I'm limited how long can stay. Don't think facility dr. Is going to lay a hand on him. Overheard Dr. Say he threatened to sue if he treated him.
now get this this dr. went before judge and went against my turndown of med ... which ended up giving him fluid in his abdomen described as not in the lungs ."chf".
now je tell dr. he's going to sue ... so dr. says,"he's not my patient".
So guess the Dr. considers him competent enough to sue...?
Anyway they cann't get him to take meds nor to drink his Vital (peptides maintenance formula for maldigestion, malabsorption,malnutrition, failure to thrive from the hcv. Why he is in there. Proved 6 wks in hospital to prove it aleviates most of the pain (minus arthritis and new shoulder forearm replacement.)to make Oboma care pay for it out of hospital. Now he has it. Hes there because he snuck out at 2:40 am.
His encelopathy is stable. So the hep c messes w production of b vit immune system.and liver function, ending up most meds end up giving his halucinations and or dementia trying to go through liver or kidneys.
In hospital provedeven w kidney failure complete atrophy of one . The treatment with vital peptides fixed the single kidney function to functioning well best nephrologist could see.
(Ran onto friend whos brother is chemist used peptids on hep c malnutrition in Haiti owns patton on one of them. Been blessed in life whom I meet).
So now refusing med and Vital. They say well hes eating ( cannt digest with out the vital (also his abd and left pain hes had few years now quit).Add, he was just scoped while replaced g-tube presence of gastritis then gi dr (who knew him &removed previouly stage IIt colon polyp yr ago )increased Vital to high protein 30o/o. Letting him refuse Vital saying he has diet (mech soft just to give stool form to liquid diet) and wrote normal esophagus put to thin honey constincy liquids so could drink the hp Vital because nurse hadnt done her job he had been 36 hrs npo no IV fluids. So they are trying to make him drink pudding thick finally changed it to honey its still pudding thick to solid when he gets it. So he won't drink. A couple of nurses the kicker is the are float or agency have given him the Vital po. But their has since he came in been problem with refrigerator. Doesn't make things cold. By the time he gets a meal already w drink on it drinks warm. Back claiming now everything tastes like sh... I worry not just proff that hcv causing failure to thrive and aggrivating encelopathy malasia but causing cognitive deterioration and dementia. Main reason why I agreed to put him there. So we can properly apply for the Harvari HCV antiviral
To please him because he was trying to be nice to me. I told him if he obtained permission we could go across the street to checkers.
I gave permission for LOA with HCS which I am one of.
He went off on them. Other reason hes there no smoking renal hypertension and 4 in last 3 mo hospitalizations CHF, pneumonia,uti previous sister facility aid bought him 2 pks cig. This one they take him out smoking time he got cig.
Buses don't run near there Sundays and holidays so I didn't go back. Tomorrow his pulmonist appt. Hes had one clean up bath all month from aid yet same dirty gauze on his gtube from other facility dated 5/14 on at dr 5/16 not removed ( I said something 3 times) till I had nurse bring med in he refused ( that was part of the problem) that was 5/21 other than that I've cleaned him up other than that. Its harder on me with him there I just wanted them to cut the aid hours in half and pay me what can be done tbe 10.00 hr. That way I can afford to have someone come at night for a couple hrs so I can get some sleep btwn 3 and 5 am. But no Was told he could get better care. If it was t for me insisting he retain his drs who agreed hes too complicated to walk into and not seriously screw up.
I decided to take this as a break and get some sleep.
The dont have any of the meds hes suspose to be on they are awaiting rewrite of dr orders by their dr who said he's not his patient.
Now heres a mess for you.
No pulmonary meds has been on Advair other INH and nebulizers and nasal cort to stop the sheet of mucus down his throat ( and heavy mucus noted in his stomach) another issue speech thinking his coughing liquids when not giving him nasalcort before thick cold liquids to clear his sinus so he doesnt gag on the mucus sticking in his throat while hes trying to swallow.
This has been gone over and over HIS doctors ok him. Even wrote Rx Vital 2000ml/d may take p.o. 1000ml and 1000ml per g-tube. I got 800 ml p.o. down him being there 6 hrs. But Im with him the stuff taste is overpowering warm even iced which mostly turned down or don't have ice due to refrigerator. He rslefuses the feeding pump via g tube while hes sleeping he has dumping syndrome from mal absob dig diverticulosious and air ileus from his gut not being coated why pump continuious feed.
Sigh. Tired of starting over again and again. Going in circles.
Much can be done with nutrition and brain deterioration. Its been proven. He doesnt want to be there. One aid acused me of being the reason he acts up that Im doing something to him. Yea triming the mat out of his hair shaving his inch log beach with groom clippers changing his underwear bathing him appling ointment to his excoriated arse and hemroids.
So, I quit doc dictated he looked unkept poor hygeine.
Decided Im on break. If he's sent out to the Dr. In same clothes and undies hes had on for 5 days tomorrow Im sure he wont be changed from when I saw him friday. Same clothes I put on him Tuesday night so he would be dressed clean clothes for Dr. Wed am go to Dr.after lunch. Also they were to arrange transport I had to be firm I notified 2 wks prior.They had plenty of time appts were not going to be rescheduled. Nurse from different unit wednesday same one that changed gauze on gtube. Oh btw 1 1|2" raw around gtube stoma I couldnt take it anymore to see how long they were going to leave dressing 5/14 on; taken off 5/21.
Tried calling adm don. Just asked to return my call. No answer. Wrote day before dsg change concern re g tube dressing. No photography in facility. Took pic dr office Dr saw at 3 days said for them to change it. And wrote order for zinc wash only and dry drng dressing open to air. Orders sat there till 21 and they took the zinc wash to Rehab for dressing changes.
Im just going to document to CYA on me. Let it ride. Get him to these Drs. We are almost up to new Dr referrals working on pain mgmt and dr who dx failure to thrive hospital admission she's from health dept. Try for that HCV have to wait till after the 11th next mo. Other reason hes there didnt know he asked dr about glass wine. Well the wine someone else on his walk, I could always see him on side walk at benches he liked to sit watch kids at crossing then other end in shade when hot across from Eagles lodge live music was ok as long as he could see me . Id come ou to sidewalk every 30-45 min. Then someone nice I would join him. Then he was introduced to local sidewalk residents deviation maddog 30/30 5 oz. To make the pain go away. So we start over not eligible for Havarti sobriety 90 days. Before was waiting for finish of documentation immune supression bone marrow metabolic disorder due to presence of HCV. And clarification of wording failure to thrive to work and to get him on peptid bas formula to prove HCV is the cause acute chronic. Was done and proven with the turn around of the renal syndrome and failure. Now know kidney will hold as long as he is on Vital. But he's being allowed to refuse Vital. At hospital I sat at his side 24/7 to keep IVs in and attatched and gtube feeding Vital when started. Dr was good we were more cautious with tolerating amt it was 55ml hr befor gi dr turned it up 75. Its set for 85/hr maybe a little to much but at hospital he was absorbing 100 percent o risidual only other type fluid or food po showed as risidual.
Have the sucess afraid of going down hill again but that would just prove the Vital peptide necessary. Just dialysis is not acceptable. BTW PCP says 85 o/o problematic is HCV. Eliminate HCV and all other can be treated. Vital peptid is proving that. I Just wanted more results he was almost pain free execpt rib fx and shoulder replacement ached some. Even denied head ache.
Was thought much pain from nutrients being pulled from other body parts to support body function.
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B&B was sort of a joke.
been operating as exclusive B&B with conciere service.
Guess could get a star rating from the get go. SURE WIN for 5, what you all think...
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Agreed. No B&B
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Becky.........too much work...............B & B??? Exhausted just "imagining" running a B & B.

M 8 8
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Big old house . You overseer, caretaker , valet, server, cook? skills.
You alone.
Big Old Houses make Bed and Breakfasts.
Hey. Profession. Your an Eutanpaneer Inn Keeper in training.
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Ok. I think I was addicted to the constant work involved. I had a caregiver that loved my Mom. She is like family and an Angel. My work did not suffer because she took such good care of my Mom. I came home early afternoon and we would discuss what she needed. She is having a hard time also, so she is going to visit her mother.
My Mother was a clothes horse so I hope cleaning her closets and drawers will be good projects. Thank you.
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JtBuddy. It will go away and other things will begin to fill your life. It takes time but slowly you will develop interest in things. I am trying to keep busy with various little projects, and it helps me to make a list of what I want or need to do. I know my Mom would want me to move forward and do things and sometimes it is difficult, but even little accomplishments each day count and it takes time.
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My Mother passed away and I have cared for her for 5 years. I am so lost right now. I have a 14 year old daughter, but she has a wonderful social life. My husband través all the time.
I work as a Speech asiste. So I have the summers free. I feel empty, lonely and sad. Will this go away?
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It is going to take time and plenty of it. Just be patient, call him to see how he is doing offer to take him to lunch. It took me seven months after mom was moved to a facility after I had provided four years of care.
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Thanks for the comment.
I am reading this after quite a while.
Making more sense, and I am not as agitated as when I wrote the previous entries.
Things do level off.
We have our highs and lows. I am getting used to it.

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