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They are presenting this as a choice...the dining room is being renovated. He's in a memory care facility and has dementia, recently diagnosed with kidney problems and may require surgery or catheterization. Otherwise healthy and ambulatory, but he's been losing weight (about 10 pounds) and gets worked up over the smallest things. I worry that a move, even temporary, will be stressful and disorienting but I'm getting a lot of pressure to OK it. I haven't talked to him about it (he is still very coherent and conversational). If he doesn't move, all the memory care residents will have to dine on a non secure floor during renovations and they're worried about that (although there's a receptionist at the front entrance and lots of CNAs would be always accompanying them).

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What they are doing is NOT called therapeutic fibbing. What they are doing is lying outright and creating mistrust of you. This is very, very unacceptable. Therapeutic fibbing would be to say "oh, the delivery person got changed this week, we'll look into that". I would be very, very wary of what is going on there.

It also sounds as though your dad may need a skilled nursing facility sooner rather than later. Have you started to look?
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Wow Sunnygirl that sounds like an easy transition. I'm hoping the next transition with my Dad to a new memory care goes as smoothly. I think he may like the facility I have in mind much better, especially if they let him have his dear cat, who is the most loving and interactive cat a person could want. The facility in NJ offered to keep the cat on the premises as a therapy cat if I couldn't take her to San Diego, that's how good she is. Also with his college friend there, who drives etc, that will be nice for him. I have known her my whole life and she's "good people" and has acted as a caregiver/POA for her late husband as well as a man with HIV/AIDS at her church.

I still haven't heard from the facility ombudsman but I looked her up. She seems like a real advocate for seniors and kind of a tough cookie. That's good. I look forward to speaking with her after the holidays.
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And I also notice this overuse of therapeutic lying by the staff, which creates a lot of mistrust, is always to make the staff's job easier. For instance a newspaper goes missing or TV doesn't work. Much easier to say that your daughter forgot to pay the bill than to investigate what actually happened. I totally get it that they have higher priorities but it creates this sense of mistrust which ultimately makes the interpersonal relationship with residents almost nonexistent. The residents talk to each other and it's Us against Them always. Not good.
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OMG. It sounds like this place really needs some help and I don't mean just with renovations. There are better ways to deal with the patient. Saying you didn't pay the bill is cruel and disrespectful. I would be enraged. That is totally unnecessary and no wonder your dad mistrust them. They are being mean to him. If they are too busy to care for your father, they don't need to be messing with his mind. Saying nothing or how about saying the tv isn't working right just now, maybe it will soon or how about saying someone must have accidentally picked up his newspaper? I would strongly object and forbid them to lie about me paying for things. It's obscene, IMO. They sound like the sick ones.

Sorry, now that I'm over that. I would mistrust anything they told me about what their renovation plans are. I would expect them to not act in your dad's best interest and I would look for guidance from the people you have contacted. I know how difficult it is to find Secured Memory Care. I placed my cousin in one, so I get it. But, unless some big changes were made, I'd be looking to move him to another facility permanently. I wish you the best.
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This really doesn't sound like a place that will be telling you the truth about this move. They lied about the move in and it appears consistently since then, either to you or to your father....a missing check is no small thing! I wonder what other things have gone missing ? You have been way too forgiving with the staff and the facility and I agree with sunnygirl a new facility for your dad should (if you can afford it) be in your future.Is there someone who oversees this place? Like the Board of Health? Because if they lie over the little things what else could be going on there? Also it appears that management is aware of this and that could mean way bigger problems.
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Linaz, I'll be speaking with the facility ombudsman hopefully next week, although I understand with the holidays that it may not happen. I got through to the CA state ombudsman right away though so they are already aware of the situation, as well as the local Alzheimers Association. I'm not looking to get them into trouble necessarily but let's just say that the CA state ombudsman was "very interested" in my situation and willing to help.
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Jem it is possible that you are not the only one who has expressed concerns over this problem, or others at this facility. It may be why the ombudsman very interested.
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It's good that you reached the ombudsman. Maybe they can help. That place really needs some attention. Don't they realize that just because a person has dementia, they still have a bill of rights that includes the right to be treated with dignity and respect.

If it helps, my cousin, who has dementia, was in an Assisted Living facility for about 4 months, when I had to move her to a Secure Memory unit in another town. It was very easy. The Memory Care Unit was much better suited to handle her needs and she seemed to feel comfortable there immediately. She never mentioned the place she lived initially and when I asked her about it, she doesn't seem to remember anything about it. I'm so glad.
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Thanks for the responses, I am looking into another facility but it's brand new and the construction hasn't been completed yet (scheduled to be done in June). It's a bit farther away from me (maybe 15 min instead of 10 min) but it's located in the same community as one of his college friends (from Pittsburgh!) and her husband just died last summer so they might like visiting one another. She's the one who suggested it. She just raves about the place. He would be in the brand new memory care facility while she's in assisted living on the same site. Also they may be able to accept his cat living with him. It's a non profit run by the LDS.

Unfortunately that doesn't help me with the current situation because this is happening next month (January).

So far his kidney condition doesn't warrant a SNF but he will go to the closest in-network SNF if he has surgery/catheterization. There are nine in our area. As far as I know I can't exactly reserve a spot this far in advance, but I will probably go with the closest one with availability.
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One reason I chose to move my Dad to San Diego...lots of senior care choices.
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