Follow
Share

Dad moved in a couple months ago, Mom died 11 months ago. Before that they were always in dire straights with money, bankruptcy, courts, legal notices, over extending... I was always aware of their situation and helped them out on occasion. They never saved for retirement, spent their way and never saved. Dad was working at 78 right up until he moved in with me. He has SSI and about $900 a month in bill. Leaving him with a little left over for spending. I worked out his budget and gave it to him and told him "you have $20 a day basically to cover your gas, food dog food and every thing else." I am not being nasty but that is reality. I run my business, yes I do make mistakes but I do all my own bills etc. My wife and I have savings which we want to hold on to. He has never had to worry about bill because mom took care of it all. So here is my issue, do I let him manage his money? He wont open mail at times or lets it sit there to ignore, bill are late get over drafted like this month 3 times. Or do I take his bills over and give him weekly money. He and I are going on a trip this week (planned after mom died). I have been saving for it. He hasn't even thought about the cost, offer to pay anything. He gave me a gas card (I gave him for Christmas) so I will use that for the gas. His idea of having money is "I still have checks or I still have a debit card". Drove mom crazy. Do I become the adult here? I gave him a credit card in my name which I will take back this week on the trip. I really don't want him becoming dependent on me, that wasn't the plan when he moved in but in order to not waste money on bounced checks and me having to watch the money every day it drives me crazy! Am I really crazy here?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing

6 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I guess I will have to do it, he depends on me to figure out all the money issues anyway when his bills are due etc. He asks me every day about bill, I think it would be better this way. He has always delegated it to my mom. Thing is it is difficult. My wife did offer to take care of it, it may be better that way, she can draw up what ever check he needs and he can sign it or give him money, that way it would leave me up for time to do other things. We will have 8 days together to discuss this, time to 'have the talk."
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Clearly, your mom was the adult in the relationship. He needs a new grownup. I think that you're it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Was he competent to spend the money he has charged? Is there a diagnosis of dementia? You might want to look into getting some of those bills discharged.

Going forward, it DOES seem like he needs someone to take over his money management. Especially because at some point he's going to have to do a Medicaid application and they are going to want to know where every penny went. DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT give him a credit card, pay his bills or fund whatever his spending addiction is. Some people seem to substitute "things" for love, or the rush and experience of having a salesperson be nice to them for more sustainable relationships. It's sad to see it in action.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Thanks, I don't want to be the adult, but I guess I have to. I handle all sorts of money for my business, personal (wife and I split a lot of it so it works well). I do treasury work for civic groups so I am adept to watching money plus my BIL in Texas I watch over his money. It is just another pain point in this relationship. My sister and brother get off easy with no responsibility nor will I get any from them. My biggest issue is telling him or asking him? I think telling him I will do it is easier than asking. I gave him the credit card to help his business before mom died, they managed it well as it was a low amount and I watched it. Its not that he cant do it, it is just he doesn't want to do it and mom always did it. Maybe its easier this way, I can set it up on electronic disbursements. I had an easier time with my kids, they are out of the house and they manage quiet well, never have had to ask me for anything. I'd rather be a kid again.....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I vote for you to pay his bills and give him an allowance. You don't mention his age but if he hasn't learned how to manage money by this time, he isn't about to learn it now. You will be saving yourself time and worry and you will be saving him late charges and the need to handle things that are clearly out of his skill set. You might want to have a POA drawn up for future use or have your name put on his checking account to allow you to sign the checks.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
If you didn't want him dependent on you, moving him in was probably a step in the wrong direction. Personally? You live in my house? I'm the boss. I'd take over his bills and checking account giving him a cash allowance every day. And I'd chalk it up to, "Dad, the way you manage your money drives me NUTZ!!!!! I'm going to handle it just like mom did." (He may like that a lot, actually.)

Oh, and I'd just pop for the trip. He gave you life after all. *WinkWink*
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter