When was the last time your parents/spouse updated their Wills, POA's, etc?

I also disagree that one of the 'kids' should be the executor. Depends on the family. It can be a terrible thing to 'do' to one of the kids or to oneself if the 'kid' isn't right.

Here is a cautionary word to the wise, so to speak, about what can happen. A very close friend of mine was divorced after many years of marriage after he forty-something husband (this was about 20 years ago) decided he liked cocaine and younger women. He was making a lot of money at the time, but as I expected might happen, once their marriage fell apart he did too. Her brother, a lawyer advised to her take settlement up front and skip alimony, expecting the same thing I did, to happen. He was never well employed again. The younger woman he got engaged to dumped him when she found out his ex wife (my friend) was getting most everything. He married a woman who was divorced for several years from a cardiologist. She (new wife) was a part time secretary at a church at the time they got married, and he had temporarily taken a stab at a job selling cars. Then her ex husband the doctor died. He NEGLECTED TO CHANGE HIS WILL WHICH LEFT HIS EX WIFE EVERYTHING. That meant their kids got nothing at all. So now his ex, who was his wife when he made up his will, was married to a deadbeat, who liked drugs. He relapsed into substance abuse and began spending, with his new wife, the two million dollars left to her. He quit work, then suffered a heart attack but did not die. His new wife's three kids were obviously livid. Their mother, who had never worked really, did not have a concept of how to manage this windfall and much of it was blown before they convinced her to divorce her dead weight new husband (took five years). Whatever money wasn't spent ended up divided two ways. Kids were, well, screwed. VERY IMPORTANT to update and keep current on wills, trusts, POA's, living wills. VERY.

OMG I am feeling your frustration!
Neither of my parents even had wills (despite me trying EVERYTHING including colluding with mum to get a recommended will writing service guy come round 'to write mum's' in the hope he'd nab dad at the same time.

Dad is a nightmare. Says 'it doesn't matter because everything will go to your mother'
'What if you are both in a car accident?'
No response. My father, even when younger, always had a problem with the concept of writing a will.
I asked him gently why, was it because it was facing mortality? He said no and shut down the subject.

Mum 'started' to write hers, but it gathered dust.
Then mum died last year, intestate.
LUCKILY I dealt with the somicitor for dad and it was a fairly straightforward one as her half of the house passed to him, and she hardly had any savings (lots of low value ISAs and Life Insurance policies.. that was hard administrative working making sense of boxes of paperwork in envelopes spanning 30 odd years!)

So I got the lively lady solicitor to 'order' dad to come back in to write his will (she said she often saw husbands not live long after their wives die... I can see my dad dwindling in spirit in front if my eyes)
Yet he STILL makes any excuse not to write it!

I've shown him reports of what happens in probate cases, I've tried to appeal to the father in him saying none of us are going to be in a fit state to go through that when he passes (it would be left to me as 4 of my siblings are not up to dealing with all the paperwork at the best of times, and they have trust issues with my brother who could be of use as he has track record of dishonesty and self serving.

I have told my dad I have written a will (saying tgat this article reminds me to update it as the guardians for my son are now on the brink of divorce!!!)

I'm going to try to print out some more info from the internet about the importance of this. Leave it at his and hope he reads it!
I just need to burst into tears I think. Takes a lot to get through to my dad. And at 89 he gets SO easily overwhelmed, so I do understand how daunting it is for him.

He knows this is not anout money, but to try to prevent the chaotic aftermath of him dying intestate.

Now the lovely lady solicitor has left, so that does not help (he seemed to enjoy her brand of bossiness)

Old men... can't even lead that horse to the water!!!

Any tips gratefully received.

freqflyer, so right!!! We have an appointment each year with each other and then with our lawyer to update, refresh and review our trust and wills. Very important.

It's too bad there isn't a "National Update Your Will Day" to take the tabu out of things. Would sure be lots easier if things were disclosed, discussed, made legal, ahead of time.

My Great Grandparents, who practically raised me from birth to 5 were wealthy. When they passed it went to my paternal Grandparents who had 3 sons. When they passed son #3 got 1/3, he helped his kids with school, cars, homes. Son #2 was deceased, so his 2 sons got his share, (where it would have gone anyway since he was loaded). They are good boys and will use it to secure a good future for their children, so that's neat. Son #1 is my Dad, he remarried 10 years ago. He and the new wife are spending it with abandon, brand new super high dollar cars, giving gifts to her kids, etc. The plan is that when Dad goes she will get it all, (as though she was wife #1 of many years), then when she goes it will all be divided equally by her 4 kids and I. Nice hugh? I've never met any of her kids, none of my Grandparents ever met any of her kids, they got their own inheritance from their Father already, ...? So basically the lives of 23 people were greatly enhanced, with me, (being the 3 oldest direct relative), being completely cut out. I was a fave or Great Grandparents as well as Grandparents who always said I was in their will, so I know for sure this isn't what they wanted, but there really isn't anything I can do about it.

When my Big Sis died she had put in her will that she wanted her car to go to our Stepdad, he'd floated her a personal loan for it and it wasn't repaid, so she wanted him to take the car and sell it, pay himself back. She had 2 large dogs, one newly adopted, that didn't get along with the older one. She wanted the newly adopted one to go to an Uncle who used to have a similar breed. He'd agreed behind the scenes to consider it when I asked him towards the end. I know he would have taken him in when I'd shown him the will. But my welfare queen, gold digger druggie niece showed up on the scene in Sis's last few days, and the will my Sis had made and just gone over disappeared. Niece begged for the car, said it was rightfully hers, convinced Mom and Stepdad to give it to her. (She beat it, wrecked and abandoned it-the cops called me to see who it belonged too.) No insurance, hadn't even titled it. Poor dogs got kept together in an outdoor kennel without the will that spelled it out, they're still not getting along, I feel for the newer one who's getting his butt kicked all the time by the older grumpy one. He could be a happy only dog on a farm in Iowa with great owners.

As for my Mom and Stepdad, (married 30 years), I am their only child. Yet Stepdad's big brother and nephew are always talking about what items belonging to my parents they expect to "inherit". (?) I've told them I don't care if it all goes to charity, make a stupid will! Will they listen? Nope! I dunno, I don't want heirlooms of mine going to gold diggers, or the pawn shop, so sure don't know why they would. I've spelled out certain items, and given notice on paper to little cousins, my heirs, and their parents so family items and my valuables stay in family hands. I know I could get clobbered in traffic tomorrow, so don't understand what the big deal is spelling a few things out to make it easier for everyone else. (?)

I had my Mom's will and trust redone 2 years before she passed away.
Be very careful on how both are worded.
It can be made very vague and open to interpretation, or very specific to make sure your parents wishes are honored exactly the way they wanted them.
If you are the successor trustee, make sure to update the trust every couple of years, as laws change, and may leave your trust wide open to new laws.

Probably almost everyone here has a horror story or ten regarding money, wills, inheritance, etc. I really almost doesn't matter how much or how little there is. If Something's left, there will always be those who feel they got cheated, someone else was favored, or they thought more would have been there than was. My ex husband's grandmother passed away at 93 and always laughed that her will was in her top drawer in her bedroom and it would be there when she passed away. She was the mother of an only child, my ex mother in law, to whom she gave her home when there were four boys born two years apart and for most of the marriage, my ex's dad served in WWII and Korea. Granny lived on her husband's railroad pension which was intact until her death. She lived the last 30 years of her life with her daughter and four grandsons and her daughter's husband, when he finally came home from serving our country. Her 'will', written on a napkin, was found in her dresser. In her handwriting it said, "Being of sound mind, I spent it all". It was hilarious.
My own parents are wealthy. All our lives there has been manipulation regarding and implying "You better do what we want or you might be written out". I think that is awful. My husband and I both have striven to be self sufficient and prepare for our retirement independently, and see anything as 'gravy'. Money can be a terrible curse, causing terrible strife in families. I think the best gift we can give to our offspring is to be able to promise them 'you will never have to pay a cent of your own money or be forced to bring me into your home to take care of me'. We have a blended family and I am sure whatever we do, someone will be upset. But we for sure have written it down, chosen the 'one' who will be our POA if we cannot do that for each other, have it all legal and locked away in a safe deposit box, which we have made known to the one who will, with our attorney, put everything 'to bed' when we are both gone. We plan to have fun having worked very hard and will not eat cat food in our 'golden years'. The term 'estate' used to really mean, ESTATE. Land that was kept in the family particularly to provide farming income to support that family. It was worked. Now our 'estates' can equal, in the minds of some, a free handout payday. We made sure all our kids got decent educations and helped them get good starts in life. It is not our job to make up for blowing money rather than saving it or refusing to defray any luxuries like we had to if they cannot afford them now. Some have learned the lesson better than others, but that is up to them now as adults.
As for POA's, you do NOT have to have the agreement of a POA to rescind it. Any person of sound mind can rescind it any time they want to. So if parents are POA for each other but become unable to act, the parent who IS of sound mind can just appoint someone else.

My parents had a basic will & poa naming eldest male child to take care of everything. Was in place for 20+ yrs until dad died. A few yrs after that, while trying to re-establish her own life, she changed both will &poa to be handled by me, since I'm the only one who does anything of substance for her. She also made me joint owner on a couple bank accounts, and I haven't needed to write checks for her but she insists that I do, just in case some day I actually need to....that way the bank won't be questioning my writing a check. The updating of will & poa seems like it should not need to be done unless there is a change in senior's desires, or a change of tax laws (which wouldn't pertain to smaller estates). Most importantly, I have an ORIGINAL copy of these 2 documents tucked away in my safe at home and my mom has them in her safe in her home.

Frustrated, agree with you. We gave our daughters a set time to make their minds up about College. Why, I was 36 and husband was 38 when our youngest was born. So my husband would be close to retirement when she went to College. Once retired, he didn't want a College bill. Both girls furthered their education and have good jobs. I'm here to help if needed but not to support.
POA can be rescinded by the person who had it written up. Also, null and void upon death. Its there for someone to help the person not keep them from spending.

I thought I was keeping everything up-to-date before Mom and Dad died, but I forgot about life insurance. Dad only had Mom listed as his beneficiary and she died a little over a week before he did. I have been dealing with the insurance company as well as the VA ever since then. They won't accept a will. They insist it must go to all next of kin. My sister is uncooperative and so it is dragging out. All of this could have been avoided if I had known to check the policies.