MIL is able to live in her home but cannot care for her husband. Can she keep her home and put him in a NH? - AgingCare.com

MIL is able to live in her home but cannot care for her husband. Can she keep her home and put him in a NH?

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My FIL cannot care for himself. He has a fair pension but it is not enough to pay the NH full expected price and keep her home. What options do they have?

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so what happened? did he have a wreck?
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To everyone. We saw the Elder Law attny yesterday. He said in IL, the Community spouse will not loose the house. He also suggested that we take the parents out of title as: Joint Tenants, to Tenants by the Entirety to protect mom's interest in the house if pop should be sued (due to an auto accident).
If pop is going to have to stay in the nursing home after his re-hab is finished we may have to apply for medicaid. Pops pension is good enough for them both to live on now, but if she stays in the house and he's in the nursing home, the attny will try to get medicaid to agree that a good portion of the pension should be given to mom so she can stay in the house and be cared for. We're hoping for the best. He also suggested we check out our county senior services to see what services they could offer should pop be released from the NH. At this point there really isn't any way mom can take care of pop at home. She's 81 and he's 86. He shattered his hip, broke his leg and is diabetic, incontinent and has been diagnosed with dementia! Plus he is combative, won't listen, is always right. We couldn't take his keys away from him, and now this is why he is where he is. He'll drive her to her grave if he comes home! All we can do is hope financially things will work out. I'll keep you posted.
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why will she not allow it?
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Our friend uses housekeeper, drivers, friends, neighbors, maintenace man, construction handymen to help out willingly because this couple is truly beloved here in the neighborhood. That "team" has helped in the past, but care needs are increasing, he needs an overnight caregiver. That is just not happening. If it were my parents, I would call in a Geriatric Care Specialist who advises families and patients. This person counsels after making an assessment, it is not your government inspired social worker, I think it is private.
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In this case only, (not the asker's case), it would be the less impaired wife is justifiably worn out but doesn't want help coming to her home to help her husband. He also, does not want too much help. They have both relied on each other, but the balance has changed too much. Please answer Nanienne, she asked the question, I will learn from those answers.
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babalou, I am, too, but it's sendme2help who said that - will say in my/hub's situation - the wife is the one - with, supposedly the husband being the more impaired but there are getting to be some questions - who's saying there's no way "they're" taking him out of the home - trying to see about having caregivers come in the home there as well - finally got an answer as to how much help they could get
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Deb, I'm curious if it's the more or the less impaired spouse who 'won't allow' caregivers.
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which one won't allow it?
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Looking forward to some answers to be able to help someone else. I have been considering the benefits of having caregivers come in to help, but one spouse won't allow it. It would be sad to see the couple separated after all those years together. I am aware that sounds naive. But with one spouse gone from the home, that does change the dynamics in a way that the more independent well spouse may be discovered to need help.
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yes, please do! been dealing with this with hub's aunt and uncle - she's exhausted too, taking care of him, though not sure but what she's the one who needs to go - just don't know what to do - no, he couldn't stay there by himself
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