80 yr old MIL acts so frail fragile and weak but when pissed off she can fly down a flight of stairs with NO PROBLEM !! not even in need of the hand rail !! Most of the time she sleeps,90 % of the time !! the other 10 percent she is incapable of even walking to the bathroom. 100 % of the time she has her mind on MONEY and how to SPEND IT !! Is confused on bills and believes we OWE on items SHE IMIAGINES !! My ulcer finally broke loose a few days ago and because hubby ( pissed at me for wanting 20 minutes ALONE) refused to take me to the hospital so I ended up calling a squad. When the ambulance arrived she took off down the stairs to meet them in the driveway, didn't even need to hang on the railing of the stairs !!! Her ONLY comment to them is " this is going to cost $ 175 bucks" !! No concern for ME at all JUST MONEY that SHE don't have to spend !! I am SO at my end it's not even funny. Hubby is stuck right in the middle and says it's BOTH of us acting like 2 year olds. I'm a 2 year old for asking for 20 MINUTES ALONE !! LOL guess I'm guilty then cause when she pushes and pushes and pushes I either take 20 minutes ALONE or beat her senseless !! (which I would never do so I turn it inside and becomes a BLEEDING ULCER) Since I came home things are very strained, walking egg shells. Hubby has let her know that no matter how hard she pushes me, and HIM he will take her side so she knows she can continue to do so and is almost happy about it other than the sarcastic comments like I refuse to live like this or she needs to get out!!! trust me the thought of walking out has crossed my mind more than she (or he ) knows and if I had a place to go and a way to get there I'd be gone in a heart beat BUT... She can not be on her own she WILL end up in a nursing home, which the FAMILY refuses to do !! I've had a stroke several years ago due to Blood pressure and this round while at the hospital with ulcer was 216/ 128.. dangerously close to the one that caused CVA LAST time and all hubby can say is I'm acting like a 2 yr old for letting it get to me !! Today I was cleaning house she always sleeps in her chair in the LIVINGROOM and I was cleaning the bathroom off the hallway. She had been up less than 2 hours and decided to "nap" I had the light on while cleaning and she yelled at me " do you really need to turn that light on, you know I am sleeping in here. Well DUHHH yes I do need a light on to CLEAN !! I was cleaning the MIRROR and the rubbing of glass made a sound, although she is 85 % DEAF in both ears (so she claims) began screaming at me stop making that noise you're just doing it to bug me. Hubby who works the NIGHT shift 11pm to 7 am is today volunteering to work a DOUBLE just to get out of the house !! He gets up and tells me to STOP cleaning !! I am SO AT MY WITS END!!
1) I didn't realize I was being abused and had become completely accustomed to it -- that's what I thought life was like.
2) I was recovering at home from a broken hip.
3) I stayed in bed all day and only got up to eat and shower.
4) I virtually had no vehicle b/c I had other medical issues and was not allowed to drive. I had to rely on my abusive husband to drive me to appts and grocery shopping (yes, I had to do MY OWN groceries). And if I didn't notify him 48 hours in advance, there was hell to pay.
5) I had no place to go, I thought.
6) I had no money.
I finally escaped b/c a friend told me about her abuse, and why she had put up with it so long. It was a 30-year marriage, we had a lovely home that I still miss, a beautiful garden that I designed, and I left ALL my belongings behind. All of them. I just took what I could carry in a suitcase. That was three years ago and I'm still recovering. I lost my whole life.
I spent the first two years traumatized -- you think leaving a 30 year marriage is easy? There's the home and the friends and the kids and the routine and the stuff and the fear and the humiliation and the few happy memories -- after 30 years it was dreadful. But I lived. And this year is better and I turned 71.
You may never forget -- I haven't and don't think I will ever really recover. But if you don't get out now, you'll be like me -- a 71-year-old with several serious disabilities (two strokes, seizure disorder, CFS), and starting again.
Or you could start again now. Sweet thing, all it takes is one phone call. Please do it. Please heed all the wonderful advice you've been given here.
I applaud your courage in recognizing the situation for what it was as well as having the stamina, strength, courage and determination to escape and create a decent life for yourself.
And I'm sure it also took courage to share such a personal part of your life with us.
You know what? It was a relief, in the end (that's now, of course ;) ... I'm still fighting legal battles and am still broke, but I have new neighbours in the small town where I live who shovel the driveway for me, I have all sorts of adventures (like skidding off the road in January into a huge snowdrift and some guys in a pickup truck towing me out -- the kindness of strangers!), and my dear sweet daughter and SIL and grandsons, who do so much for me. So while I did get a bit verklempt at the end of writing this -- I mean how COULD I have put up with it and what does it stay about my own state of mind -- it was a relief. I do thank you for your applause tho'!
All this was in the last 10 years or so. So no, I didn't actually put up with it for 30 years, but he was always a difficult man to live with.