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My mom seems to be fine most of the time But when it comes to taking a shower or going to the doctor, all of a sudden she feels dizzy and not feeling good and just wants to go lay down. She is 87 and I just don't know what to do.

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Ah, sounds like your Mom is having a panic attack. I know how she feels, it can happen to me.... calming meds have helped, so can being distracted to keep one's mind off of the panic :)

All it takes is one or two times to feel panic while in the shower, and one will feel it all the time there after. For some elders, they start to feel claustrophobic in a shower. If there are glass doors, keep the far door opened about a foot or so. And there is always that feel of falling, so make sure there is a rubber shower mat. See if Mom would prefer to do a bath once in awhile.

Question, does Mom not like going outside to other places beside the doctors?
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... but if you're going out for lunch or to the hairdresser she's absolutely fine?

If she's generally okay standing, walking, getting into bed, getting out of bed and so on, then it sounds as if this is her polite, non-confrontational way of telling you to get lost when you ask her to do something she's not keen on.

But she can't not do those two important chores at all, so the thing to do is rule out possible problems and then make the processes as comfortable as you can, and help her through them gently but firmly.

One important thing to check: is she avoiding these two particular items on the agenda because she's worried about a personal or painful problem? Soreness in the undercarriage, a skin condition, that kind of thing?
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I'm with CM on this one; both things involve getting undressed and it is possible that something is going on, as CM says, "with the undercarriage".

Some folks on here have suggested taking mom to lunch and then casually stopping by the doctor (you have an appointment, your just don't tell her). Would that work?
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