Has anyone 'just left' their job of caring for their parent and never come back?

Well, it looks as if my scheme worked. Mom blinked and has agreed to the evaluation.

I called her doctor, but I'm not sure her heart is in it. (Maybe I should have taken her to the hospital myself?)

My "trump card" worked once, it may not work again.

When it is our home-most of us let it go on much too long out of obligation. To the point you lose yourself and sometimes your family.
I put my mother into her own apartment- I pre pay 6 months in advance and also hired a home health agency to do her errands. She was and is abusive to her children and grandchildren . Yes I wish it were different but it isn't going to be. Her greatist revenge is to leave all of us with the un resolved questions of why- and why not a change of heart and before she leaves this earthly world. She has managed to create chaos and heartache for so many of us.

In my case, it's Mom's home.

It's all come to a head today. Mom crossed the line and I gave her the ultimatum to get a psychiatric evaluation or I would leave.

She then got into an argument with my sister and we called 911, both ambulance and police came out, checked her over and said there's not enough for them to act on.

I can't back out now, so I'm packing my bags. I told her I'd stay if she did the evaluation. She refuses.

forgot to add: I called her doctor, that's when he told me to take her to ER. I had been taking care of her at my house for two and half years due to her advanced dementia.

When my mother started to get difficult like wandering around, trying to get outside, crying, etc. He told me to take her to ER. Once taken there she was checked out ok and sent to Behavioral Health unit at that hospital where she stayed for two weeks. Social worker there was a huge help! Then Mom got sent to Heritage Rehab. & Health where she's at now in Dementia/Alz's unit. Patients there seem to be happy, cheerful and staff has been great. I go and see her everyday as long as weather permits.

Maybe I'm dense or something but I don't understand people who allow their parents to become completely disruptive and out of control in THEIR homes. It's one thing if it's the parent's home -- but it's YOUR home. Why would you not have them removed from your home before they cause damage to you/themselves or other familty members. It's your house -- not theirs. I just don't get it.

The doctor set Mom up with some new meds and they want to do an MRI on her back.

My BP was 160 over 102. What does that tell ya?

Oops that was meant to be "it WAS because of the sibling."

Yes as a matter of fact I did just a few days ago (except it was my inlaws and it wasn't because of the siblings). Do I feel at peace? With the decision to walk away, I do. Do I have guilty feelings? For hurting my MIL in the process, I do. Is there any more I could probably do about it? Maybe so but I chose to put my own sanity and husband and kids first. Pray about it. It's not going to be easy, but if you do what you are being led to do then you will be at peace.

Hank, I know exactly how you feel. I have been off the site for a few days, so I'm kinda' behind. My mom can't kick me out 'cause she lives with me. Things have gotten real bad with Mom. She's going down fast. Last night I got no sleep, she is wandering now and yesterday especially I spent all day chasing her down between the kitchen, bathroom, dining room and everywhere else she can sneak off too. Caught her putting toilet paper wrapped spoon by sink in bathroom, all the way to staring right through me when I talk to her and that's only for starters. She has refused to communicate with anyone but me and that is hardly any words at all. I'm just plain worn out. Yeah I want to get in the car and drive away, but the guilt takes over. I'm in the process of calling someone, anyone to HELP. Hi everyone. God bless you all. Good luck Hank. These people know how we feel! Shari

Hank, listen to Ed and Carol.
Even if your mom kicks you out you are still going to be dealing with this stuff later in one form or another.
My mom tried to kick me out and boy oh boy did I want to take her up on it! I knew I couldn't because I knew she was sick. She, by the way, had her doctor snowed also. You know the BPD! they are gooooooood. Real charmers when they want to be.
Good luck Hank. we know what you're going through believe it or not!
lovbob

The only guilt I have at the moment is letting this go on as long as I have.

The books are right - I can't fix her.

It's come to a point where all I'm doing now is enabling her to get away with bad behavior and that's not right either.

I have an appointment with her doctor and Mom will be there. (the doc hasn't been any help in the past so this may come to an end today with Mom kicking me out anyway, we'll see)

Excellent advice from ED! Get help at once, in the form of moving her to housing, or if you just can't do any more, call adult services at your Social Services office. You need advice so you can move on and not live with guilt later. You shouldn't allow yourselve to be abused, so something needs to be done. Good luck, and please check back with us.
Carol

HANK:

Yes. When my sanity was still on the line after compromising my self-respect and trying every other option. Caregivers can't just walk away with a clear conscience. Should something bad happen while you're away, guilt will rent a big spot in your head; doesn't matter if you did the best you could with what you had.

I'm pretty sure your Mom's explosiveness and meanness is nothing new. It's probably been her MO all your life, but back then you probably believed all that abuse was well deserved. In addition, her current mental state seems to be enhancing what there was all along.

Don't just walk away. ... Sit down with your sister and figure something out (i.e. "housing options") before both lose your marbles and Mom ends up on S---t's Creek without a paddle.

Good luck Hank.

-- ED