Immediately feel bad for putting another helping on the plate of caregivers whose plate is already full. Feel emotionally incompetent.

I think you’re doing better than you think you are. You do not need to automatically feel happy that you are here to help. It is, quite frankly, not always a pleasure to help our parents - it can be tiring, draining, emotionally damaging in some cases. Sometimes there’s the “I’m glad I could do it,” in some circumstances, but do not judge yourself because you’re not happy to help. It is not easy. My own mom likes to get angry and lash out at me sometimes when I’m right in the MIDDLE of helping her. And she is of a cognitive ability to know better than to do that, ever. Less gets done for her in those situations.

And there is no right way to handle the mental decline of your parents. I suspect you’re doing the best job you can at handling it, which is by being a human being with real emotions and feelings about it. I reached out for professional help to get assistance for myself now that I’m in a somewhat caregiving role and it was the best decision i ever made. Be well.

Watching someone who was 100% 'there' and functional and healthy--slowly do the slow slide in senescence is awful. We look at this person and have to re-evaluate how we viewed them, how we now treat them and how frustrating it is to almost completely change our relationship. To become, essentially, their 'parent'.

My brilliant daddy had Parkinson's. Watching this amazing mind slowly and agonizingly deteriorate was awful, esp as we did not have a 'real' diagnosis for years.

He hated being treated like he was 'stupid' b/c he could not put his thoughts into words and so he was either dismissed by thoughtless people, or he'd get more depressed.

By the time he passed away I had pre-grieved him so much--there were no tears left. I was so grateful for the knowledge I had that he was truly in a better place.

Give yourself a pat on the back for being there for your folks. It isn't easy or fun. I hope that your folks aren't 'angry' seniors. Don't look too far forward--try to enjoy the days you have. I know that daddy was happy to simply have me come up and watch Discovery channel and (I loved this) RoadRunner cartoons. We were very close and he made me feel loved, and I hope I did the same for him.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. (Advice I need to take, for certain).

How sad! How tragic!My heart aches for these people. I am 86, and I know that old age alone does not cause dementia.Drug use and or drug addiction always does and sometimes as early as the 50's.Horrible mysterious disorders like parkinson's of course also can cause dementia.Nobody can understand these things. However, many f us can avoid and or very much delay dementia by never taking a statin, a diuretic, a narcotic, a sleeping pill, nor any other damaging substance.; also by eating only real true food especially organic berries, fruits, and veggies.I do admire the people who lovingly care for the demented. I cannot do it.

My dear soul.....you are a mortal human being, not God. This is what happens to people who get old. They are no longer what they once were and their behavior and needs will most likely ultimately destroy those who follow them if they assume the responsibilities involved with the old folks. You sound as if you care and want to help but given the circumstances with these elderly people, that is often impossible - not because you don't want to, but because there is no way to make that happen. That does not mean you are bad. You are doing something you are not equipped to do. Some people can and others can't. You know when it is time to move them to a safe place - when you feel guilty and you can't help them. If you keep doing what you are trying to do, it will destroy you. Love them for what they were in the past but please place them in a safe place and live your life while you can.

Calliope: You are a steillar human being! No one person can go through caregivng without feeling emotion, self doubt and an entire range of feelings. But it is IMPERATIVE that you do not hold onto any guilt, else it makes you fall faint and ill and are good to no one God bless you.