I've been posting on here about problems with my dad and sister. Now I'm having an issue with my SIL wanting money when I have explained he needs it to pay for his care.
When my brother found out he had cancer, he told my dad to give his inheritance to his wife. He was getting one account and one of my parent's life insurance policies. My father told her I think after he passed that she could have all the money in the account when she needed it. He told her this when he was of sound mind, there wasn't any kind of document created to make what he said legal. He was wrong in telling her this. He gave her a large amount in 2011 to buy a house which completely paid for it. Last week she called to ask for money again, she is moving out of state to be with her family. Before this phone call, I had not talked to her about what his happening to him (he has had a lot of cognitive decline). When my father handed the phone to me I couldn't say much as he wouldn't leave the room, which is one of his annoying behaviors, he hangs around and listens to conversations. I told my father that I was going to talk to her on my phone. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. She said how much money she wanted and when I repeated the amount, I heard my father on the other side of the door yelling angrily saying the money stays where it is, then he accused me of loaning out his money. I have no idea how long he was there listening. The conversation got very heated, she heard the whole thing, he finally went into the other room, then came back and calmly agreed to talk about it, he said that she could pay it back slowly, then he said maybe she should just have it, he wanted me to decided, I told him I can't do that, then he agreed to just give it. The next day we went to the bank to get the process started.
My issue is that after thinking about it, I don't think it would be a good idea to give her the entire amount. She lives in another state but has never done anything for my parents. When my mom had a brain aneurysm and I was the one taking care of her with my dad, she never offered to relieve me to take a vacation. I have financial POA. I contacted her and tried to get more information on what the money would be used for and found out that it's for repairs on the house being moved into and she wanted to have it all done by the time she moved in. I explained to her that my dad is going to need expensive care in the near future and that I need to do what is best for him and his financial needs have to come before ours. I explained that he would have to fill out a form for his taxes on this. I also said that I met with an attorney a few months ago and he said that the money is not ours until he dies. She basically disregarded what I explained and said that she really needs the money. Regardless of what he told her years ago, things change.
I feel that she is making me choose her over him. I would be willing to send her half which is the amount that you can give away without having to file the tax form and that would make a small dent in the remaining amount in the account. My dad has a good amount in investments and he may never need that account, but I need to make sure that it is there just in case and then what is left over she will get, just like for me and my sister. She must think that the account has a never ending supply of money. It pisses me off that she feels that because she was married to my brother, it makes her entitled to this money. I left a message for one of his doctors, told him my issue, and if they can give me an idea of the extent of care he will need and that I need this information to tell her so she will back off. I did this because she is not understanding what he has to have and if I tell her what his doctor says maybe it will get her to back off.