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My husband accuses me of "imagining" what I believe is his increasing forgetfulness and slowed thinking and reasoning. He insists he is "getting better." He has times when he seems completely fine and totally "with it" and other times when it seems like "the lights are on but no one's home." He scored 25 of 30 on the SLUMS test his neuro gave him (which indicates "mild cognitive impairment) in June and she insists on seeing him every 6 months for re-evaluation. MRI was normal. He is 67 years old and we have been married only 5 1/2 years (together 7 1/2 years). I am 58.


I feel like I am driving myself nuts wondering if what I think are signs of decline is really my imagination or normal aging stuff for a 67 year old. The neuro will test him again in December and we have also asked her to rule out conditions such as HF Autism and ADD.


When I first posted on here in June, I had wrongly assumed that his neuro had given him the MMSE exam, where a score of 25 is the lowest normal score. I just recently found out that she gave him the SLUMS test and a score of 25 means mild cognitive impairment. My husband knows this and still thinks he is fine and that I am imagining his increasing forgetfulness and decline.

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I hope I was of some help to you. I do not know if LBD shows up early or not in an MRI. Yes, traumatic incidents can apparently speed up the process. My friends and I have all noticed that the disease is also affected every single time the patient must be given anesthesia for any reason (surgery, tooth extraction, etc.) and the progress is accelerated. The greatest difficulty with diagnosis by an M.D. is that at the time of appointment, the patient may be having a good moment with perfect clarity. Ten minutes after you leave, the stress of the doctor appointment results in la la land. Emotional stress can also trigger an episode. That stress doesn't even have to be recent! My husband's youngest son died at the end of September in 1988... 31 years ago! Although he doesn't remember the exact day, I make sure to keep him busy on each anniversary. Even though the mind may not recall a date, the emotional self does. He is all thumbs, dropping everything he picks up, can't concentrate on anything for long, etc. The surviving son lives in Arizona and hasn't bothered to check on his dad in 10+ years. Knowing this has upset him in the past, I have not made an effort to keep this 55 year old man informed about his dad's current health issues. I don't want him calling and saying anything that will upset Ray or further accelerate his condition. I have become very protective of my husband and will do whatever I must to insure his last days are as stress free as possible.

Since your next appointment is several months away, look up LBD on internet. The information there will, at least, help you know what to look for and maybe even help in identifying some issues and how to best deal with them.
Best wishes to you.
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Is he under a lot of stress? That alone can cause dementia symptoms. Then to be diagnosed with dementia would only increase the stress.

https://www.psychcongress.com/article/stress-not-dementia-may-be-behind-memory-struggles
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My thoughts and prayers are with you. Dementia is a terrible disease to deal with. My husband was diagnosed with dementia after undergoing open heart surgery. At first, his obvious confusion was called post-operative confusion that would go away. As we were preparing to leave the hospital, I stepped out for about half an hour and when I returned, I knew something was wrong. I ran for a nurse and asked her to call in the physician assistant who had visited us every day. At first, he dismissed my obvious distress. Upon entering the room, however, it took him about 1 minute to realize something serious had happened. My husband's right carotid artery had become totally blocked. Although blood vessels in the back of one's neck pick up some of the slack in blood flow to the brain, it is never the same. As time went on, I came to believe this was the beginning of his bout with dementia. I was wrong. Just two weeks ago, he was diagnosed with Lewy Bodies Dementia. Nobody had mentioned this term to me during the last 3 years. Having zero knowledge, I did some research. Now I realize that Lewy Bodies Dementia had been slowly sneaking up on him for a number of years. I had simply dismissed many events on simple personality quirks. The stress of open heart surgery accelerated the LBD process. Lewy Bodies can only be confirmed via MRI brain scan, but a number of behaviors can point in that direction. Had I known about LBD several years ago, it would sure have saved me some stress. The most important thing I discovered is that these patients appear to be fully aware one minute, then in never-never land the next. Caregivers begin to feel they are just faking, pretending, or milking their condition for all it's worth. They are not. They just bounce from near normal to la-la land in an instant. Never knowing what to expect can be trying. Understanding it a little better does help the caregiver. I am in no way saying that your love one has Lewy Bodies Dementia; only a doctor can tell you that. As stated, only an MRI can confirm this possibility. I will suggest that you look into the possibility. Best wishes to you.
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Monica19815 Oct 2019
Thank you so much for your reply. Would LBD show up on an MRI even in the early stages? My husband's MRI in June was normal. They neuro stated she needed the MRI as a "baseline."

Also...I was already going to post this question but maybe you answered it...can a traumatic physical (like heart surgery) or emotional event accelerate dementia/Alzheimer's/LBD? My husband has experienced life changing family (parent) trauma in the past year and his only sibling - a brother who was his best friend - died 5 years ago. Can this speed up cognitive decline?

I truly appreciate your post and suggestions and plan on really pinning down his neuro in December for a firm diagnosis and advice on how to proceed and what to expect.
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My husband had dementia, along with cancer. He went to a neurologist they gave him a test, mostly math, he always excelled at math, they said he had mild dementia. Not so. He was to the point that he couldn't drive anymore or make sound decisions.

My step fathers wife has dementia, we have taken her to several doctors, they all give us the same answers, lets watch and see what happens, bring her back in 6 months and we will test her again.

This is frustrating, it is all a guessing game, I can do that, I don't need to take her back and back to learn absolutely nothing.

Dementia/Alzheimer's has turned into a big money maker, the patient waiting room is always packed, mostly with people who have no idea why they are there, and like my LO doesn't even remember the visit the next day. Sad.

I doubt that you are imagining his decline, the struggle is real.

Sending support your way.
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Monica19815 Oct 2019
Thank you so much, Dolly. I guess I had better talk with his adult kids sooner rather than later so I have some support from them when hard decisions have to be made. We have only been married 5 1/2 years. So sad.
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I have to say that my dad will call anyone that says he has any memory issues, cognitive decline or dementia an effing liar.

I still don't know if it is because he won't believe it or he doesn't know. So frustrating to be accused of being a liar when you are trying to help. I have learned to let it go, if he has it wrong, okay, not fighting that battle.

His timeline is all goofy, a couple of years ago is more like 20 years.

Best of luck, it is such a damnable disease.
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Monica19815 Oct 2019
I wonder if it is because he is simply afraid of what it actually means for him to have cognitive decline? I know my husband is terrified of losing his driver's license and it was just after he expressed this fear that the denials and accusations and excuses began. He is in a very early stage...which I hope will be either confirmed in December so that I can plan or they will diagnose something different....and he is still an excellent driver with unbelievably good reflexes and reaction time, probably because he was an auto mechanic and he also drove all kinds of vehicles all his life...campers, he pulled boats, worked road equipment like state snowplows, etc. I know this is his greatest fear...losing his license...and it seems this started his denials and accusations. Fear is very powerful.
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Here is a link to a wonderful article about the 25 signs of Alzheimer's and dementia to never ignore. Extremely useful information that was posted the other day by one of our fellow posters:

https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/alzheimers-25-signs-never-to-ignore/

See what you think, what symptoms he may be displaying. I think it's scary for a person to think he's getting dementia, so it's natural to insist he's 'fine'.

Best of luck to you!
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Monica19815 Oct 2019
Thank you so much!
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It sounds as though her assessment sounds to be correct. It is of little import what your husband thinks about the assessment, as of course he does now have the mild cognitive impairment. It is diagnosed. It will worsen with time, but there is no guaranteed time frame. There is absolutely no point in arguing with him about anything, but there are now important papers to get in order. Have his doctor give him a list and suggest that they be done so he is safe. He may listen and he may not but the window of time you have is now closing. You have the diagnosis of the doctors and the testing. Do not argue the subject with your poor husband as he will be desperate to not lose control, and will never agree with you that this is happening.
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Monica19815 Oct 2019
Thank you, Alva. All our paperwork is in order. Our attorney is like a son to us (lol) as he has guided us through MANY things in the past 9 years, both separately and together. The only legal concern I will have is with his 92 year old mother. He is the only child (his brother died in 2014) and she still lives independently in a retirement facility. I know full well that he will not be able to handle her affairs and finances once he begins to decline. We would consult our attorney about that.

I keep thinking that, as he is in the early stages, I want to include him in decisions about our future and our plans but that has turned into accusations so maybe it is time to stop that. I also need to talk with his adult children soon. I was sort of waiting until after the December appointment so I have more info from the neuro.
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