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I am 35 single no kids woman, live with take care of my older disabled parent. I've been doing so since 19. I'm the last person in her family.


II feel like she is very critical of me, example


1. Tells everyone my business
2. Consistantly rearranging my room because she is "helping" me
3. Washing my clothes (I then cant find them or she'll mistake them for hers and cut them (I'm taller than her)
4. Calls me several times a day to make sure I got to my destination safe and to update her on my progress on the task i said i would be doing.
5. Asking me to give us a family (have children that she didn't.
6. Asking me to marry any guy that I mention or we meet (esp. the cable guy that came over)
7. Telling me I talk too loud
8. My foot steps are too loud
9. Telling me I spend my time wrong
10. Consistantly telling me how important marriage and children are
11. Telling me I smell
12. Consistantly asking me to declutter or clean my room
13. Complaining I have too many "junk" items in the fridge
14. Asking me if I "washed down there" when I go to the bathroom or if I used soap
15. Asking me to also take a part time MBA program when I was in nursing school.
16. When I tell her my test score was say 95, she tells me "oh, you were only off by 5"
17. Tells people how much I make an hour down to the dollar.
18. Tells people when I quit my job
19. I make fresh meals for her everyday she complains about me leaving the dishes unwashed
20. Tells me I should dress better
21. Asking me why I don't have a fulltime job ( I take her to at least 1 dr appointment a week, cook, clean, drive etc.)
22. Complains about me playing too much video games (it's my form of escape)
23. Complains about me using too much electricity (even though I'm the one who pays the electricity bill)
24. Compares me to everyone


I have offered to move out several times. I think all this criticism is getting to me.


I've also had 2 interventions (with a religious person from the community) on her consistantly going into my room. She still does it so I've had to put a lock on my door.

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I think you know the answer. The real question is why do you tolerate it?
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No X's 24. Can you change the living situation you both are in? I fear it won't change as long as you live together.
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ConfusedNinja Mar 2020
I just stay quiet most of the time but she does not stop talking/criticizing until I blow up and tell then she asks me why I'm telling at her. I've asked her several times over the last 10 years to STOP giving me advice bc I'm not interested. She calls her criticism advice btw. She says she has a voice and she wants what's best for me and that she cant see me living like this
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No, this is not normal. You are being abused and manipulated. It's not a matter of you feel like you are; you are being criticized very much. Leave!
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Your mom needs something to occupy her instead of you and your life. She needs a project besides you. Take her to the local senior center or adult daycare.
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Why are you living with her?

Let her hire someone who suits her better and move out. She isnt your responsibility.
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No this is not normal.
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ConfusedNinja, you are seeing up close and personal the parent/child dynamic. This is not unusual when a grown child is living with an older parent or the parent is living with the grown child.

In your Mom's mind, you are still a 16 or 18 year old, and Mom will continue to give advice thinking she is helping you.

I read your profile and the health issues your Mom has are minor in comparison to what grown children caregivers need to deal with. Your Mom is only in her 70's, correct? My gosh, many 70 year olds with those minor health issue have been holding down full time jobs, or at least part-time jobs, or doing volunteer work. Did your Dad pass on early or your parents had split early on, and your Mom needs to depend on someone? Have you replaced your Dad in some way?
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25. Constitantly giving me advice on things I didnt ask. (Telling me I dont need insulin that I can control it through diet and that I "must like" taking needles
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Riverdale Mar 2020
We get it. I am so sorry you are enduring this. How do you reply?
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How old is Mom and what is her disability?

I would say move out. Get your ducks in a row first. What kind of help will Mom need? Is her income low enough to get Medicaid in home care. Medicaid will supply transportation. Call ur Office of Aging to see what resources are available for Mom. If u can get help, do it.
Then increase your hours and start finding a place to live.

I would also question the weekly visits to the doctors. Some of these you may be able to cut back on.
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