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Mom is 87. She had a stroke Dec 2019. Paralyzed left side. Vascular Dementia diagnosis last week. Now not eating at all. Not taking meds. Sleeping all the time. Not talking at all. Doesn't seem to recognize anyone. Eyes are red and not quite open, seem stuck? She has thrush on her tongue and she isn't opening her mouth to take the meds. Very very hard to see her this way.
Not sure what to think or do. She is in hospital but they aren't saying much. Is she in the end stage of life?

How does the color look on her fingers and toes? Are her nails blue or purple? That is an indication things are shutting down in her body.
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Scaredinbda Feb 27, 2020
her finger tips are like faded purple, her toes are miscolored as well as her arms. but her hands and feet are warm, not cool. one day her arms were cold to touch but not since then. she can say a word if she struggles to get it out. she is tired once they turn her, its like it takes a lot out of her to do anything. her breathing is labored sometimes. sometimes she stops breathing for a few seconds.
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(((Hugs)))
I'm saying this gently and with compassion as someone who has walked this road before you - she's never going to recover to be the woman you are praying for her to be, please don't try to keep her here. I'm going to link a video that I found helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNJxq4J5kYY
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Thank you everyone. they have now moved my mom to a hospice room. much more peaceful, less interruptions. somedays she isnt drinking at all, other days she has 2/3 spoonfuls of liquid. not urinating or having bowel movements. still knows us, and can nod her head yes or no. family take turns sitting with her. this is the third week that she has been like this, prior she was at least eating/drinking a bit more. her right hand is moving a lot, either pushing our hands away, rubbing her leg or putting it under her face to rest on. it is so sad to see her. they think she may have had another stroke but we dont want to do any MRIs or anything to confirm that. There isn't anything for them to do whether we know it was another stroke or not. I pray continuously that she isnt in any pain although last night she did indicate her legs hurt and they gave her morphine which def helped. the only thing now is that she is up not sleeping like she was before. I still pray she will have a bounce back, i want her back.
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The thrush seems to have cleared up, her tongue is not white. So that could have caused problems. We have noted that when she is on antibiotics (UTI previously) she is definitely down.
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JoAnn29 Feb 18, 2020
My Mom was put on probiotics when on antibiotics. Done from the UTI but antibiotics should pep her up. If not, it may be the antibiotic. Cultures need to be done to get the correct antibiotic.
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Thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement. Yesterday Monday, she actually spoke a few words, very few. drank 4oz of glucerna and 4oz water. Her eyes look much better. so a little light.
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I question the thrush. This is caused by a yeast infection. This can happen when someone is on antibiotics. Sugar feeds it. What are they doing for it?
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Sleeping a lot and not talking are signs that she is nearing the end. I agree with the others that you need to call hospice. My mom was in hospital too, and I finally decided to take her out of it and put her into hospice.
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Scaredinbda Feb 16, 2020
Thank you.
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You should contact Hospice.
Generally not eating is a sign of end of life.
You can ask the Hospital Social Worker to refer you to Hospice, I am sure there is a representative in the hospital most of the time. (some hospitals have a Hospice wing)
A warm moist cloth on her eyes might help.
If the reason she is not eating due to the thrush once that is resolved she may begin eating. I can imagine that could be painful.
Being in a hospital for anyone can be confusing and if you have dementia it can be even more confusing so I understand if she does not seem to recognize people. And if she is having problems with her eyes another reason to be confused about who is who.
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Scaredinbda Feb 16, 2020
Thank you, your suggestions are very helpful.
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I agree with cwillie. Hospice can provide a great deal of support and information for you as well as advocate for your mom.
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Scaredinbda Feb 16, 2020
Thank you. Will be checking with them.
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Taken altogether this does sound as though she is nearing the end, I'm sorry. Have you thought of bringing in Hospice? They would be able to guide you through this.
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Scaredinbda Feb 16, 2020
Thanks so much. Appreciate your advice.
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