Recently, all my Mom wants to do is lay around. Is this dementia progression or medical?

I'm so relieved to have found this thread! My mom, 86, also has dementia, & I've been going nuts trying to get her to knit, which she used to love to do, or color in one of the beautiful coloring books she picked out. I'm finally realizing that I'm just stressing her out with it all, which is probably why she's been scratching all over, HARD, & picking her scabs. I've had her to the dermatologist, tried everything under the sun to help, but I've always had the feeling that it was me causing it. It doesn't help that my husband, who loves my mom dearly, is insistent that I get her up around 9 every morning (she & I are not morning people!), fix her breakfast (pancakes & an egg), do something with her during the day(I also work part-time), then take her for a walk around the block every night. I know his heart is in the right place, & we would both just lay around without his prodding, but I feel that at this point in her life, if she wants to lay in bed most of the day, she should be able to do that. He keeps telling her we're trying to help her get "better". I've started telling him she isn't going to get better --this is it, but I feel he & my brother are both in denial. I'm going to show them this thread, & hopefully it will help -- it's definitely helped me! I'm going to try to ease up on mom from now on.
Thank you everybody!

lifeexperiences,
well said. Words to live by .

Joyce...Soooo happy for your mom and you that you found that medication!! Yikes... she must really been suffering...and of course, if she suffers, you suffer! Eventually seniors will just submit because they get to a point where they can't do anything for themselves. It's just a matter of time!

They turn child-like in a few ways. Their ego or id says that they are the ONLY ones that matter just like a toddler except they are on the other side of the bell-shaped-curve. In other words they never get un-self-centered but get more self-centered and never improve. If they have dementia they forget how to tie their own shoes and slowly forget everything else. My parents eat and watch TV and refuse to do anything. Mom is worse than Dad. Dad tries to pay the bills and drives to McDonald's or the local (very local) about 5minutes away and Shop-Rite. He is starting to get lost doing that. I have set up help for them about 4 different times but Dad drives them off. Then again the only one who will take the abuse is ME and stick around. Even the visiting nurse told me that if he was not nice to her she was not going to come back. So now I have to babysit him when she comes to see Mom. I am an only child and they are breaking (have broken) my heart. They are un-helpable. Is un-helpable a real word??

Sadly, our elders do turn child-like.

I have to laugh sometimes because I say to myself, what do I expect from this 92 year old women. She always tired but she does sit up and can actually, go to the bathroom by herself but of course we watch her. I should be blessed with this new neuro medication she is taking and everything is stable for now! She was delusional, angry and would take knifes and put them by her and she was very angry at my husband and I was afraid she may stab someone. It was so hard and by the grace of god things are fine for now! The medication she is taking now is neudexta its pretty new. Good Luck and Thanks for Sharing and and Listening Take Care Joyce

love my beautiful once, very active mom...she too is just dwindling into a frail, vulnerable, childlike adult. I keep her clean, fed, and let her sleep...I feel blessed when she's sleeping...she always looks very peaceful. She really can't do anything anymore...so it is a blessing to me!

I too have a mom who does this and at first it bothered me. I would try to encourage her to knit or read or watch tv. All the things she use to love to do. But she just can't concentrate and she forgot how to knit. I have finally accepted that having my once active mom just sit there on the couch staring into space or having her head resting in her hands is normal for her condition. It is sad and just....well...heartbreaking to see the change. I don't try to get her to do anything anymore. If she wants to sit there and just stare and ponder, then that is what she can do. At least I don't feel like I have to entertain her anymore.

Sounds as if we are all going through similar issues with ageing parents. Most of us are also considered seniors. The best thing for us to do is try to take care of our self and give them as much love and comfort as we can. We pray we will make it to be their age. Life is a beach!!

mizphylk
great response. I agree-do what we can and leave the rest to God and the professionals we trust to take care of them.

Same thing with my Father. He sleeps and eats. He eats more than a normal person eats. He is 90 but does not gain weight. We think he should weight a ton.

I never heard of sleeping longer I heard if they just stop eating but of course if they sleep more their eating would probably decline. My mother also, is still eating well! Joyce

Joyce, you are not alone wanting to know how long "this" will last. My mom 91, has been at her facility for almost 6 years but had really noticeable symptoms for probably 5 or 6 years before that. We noticed things for 5 years before that. But I would say the last 3 have been the hardest to see. It was her last fall and has been wheelchair bound ever since. There's just no telling how long she'll be with us. Very sad and very hard. Good luck and God Bless

We all have a life cycle. Watch their eating and sleeping habits. If they start eating less and sleeping more may be at the end of their life cycle. Everyone is different. Start asking the PCP about the differences they will tell you and be more specific. Remember we were a;; born to die. We just don't know where, when or how it will happen. Have your business in order so when it's your turn you will not be a burden on those who love you. Be prepared!!

I am a retired banker and watched the turmoil of families who would come in without a clue of their loved ones wishes. It was not all elderly. Get a POA and healthcare directive prepared for yourself as soon as possible. Consult with an attorney.

We all love our mothers and fathers who are elderly. Start making them as comfortable as possible and leave the rest to the professionals and God.

my mother was shuffling around the house a couple of years and needed help with stuff, but she could still walk. one night she some type of convulsion and was out for about five days...she could never walk again after that. of course, I could hold her up and walk her...so I did and still do that...to get to bathroom...to eat at the table. that was about two years ago...and since then...she's declined slowly, and by that I mean she started sleeping longer and longer during the day. She sleeps a lot now...but still has a great appetite when she wakes up. A doctor told me that once they start sleeping most of the day...the usually die within five years. but...know one really knows...everyone is different.

What bothers me is she was so different 3 yrs ago doing everything. I am just mourning for the person she was and sad for who she is now! I guess, this is all normal and sad at the same time. As I get older I realize this could be me...
They say with dementia when they stop eating this will probably be the end. Is this true? joyce

My mother is 92 and at later stages of dementia but I hear people jump around the stages. I guess, I would like to know how long this could go on and I hate not knowing. I guess, this frustrates me but I should be thankful she is mentally stable at this time. joyce

Aging, sickness and death is terrible for all who are caretakers...and we will all have our turn. LIfe! yikes!

Moriah: That's right sunnygirl1, I (a woman, not a he) was responding to the original post that started this thread by Joycetavolacci. Thank you ,sunnygirl1!

This sounds like normal aging to me. My MIL (who's lived with us for the past 10 months) has slowed down consdierably since she came here. And mentally, she's declined from about a 5 year old to a 2 year old, in terms of her ability to understand/follow conversations, remember things, and make decisions. Last month she started sleeping 18 hours out of 24, getting up just to eat and straighten herself out a bit. Then she rallied for a couple of weeks, getting back to a schedule where she was awake for 10 hours a day or so. Now she's back to sleeping 18-19 hours of 24. This is to be expected!

What's the surprise? No one lives forever! Having had well over a dozen pets (cats and dogs) over the last 30 years, I can tell you that one of the greatest lessons they teach us is how the lifespan works. As living creatures age, they slow down. My MIL now sleeps and eats like my very elderly dogs and my now 17 year old cat did/do.

I don't understand why anyone would do anything other than keep the person comfortable and cared for, i.e., eating well, bathed, taking their medications as scheduled, etc. My MIL has some skin tumors that are likely cancerous. She's had a number of these removed in the last 10 years. Are we going to have her treated at this point for some others? NO!!!! The general anesthesia she had to remove the others - sometimes as often as 3 x/year - NO DOUBT contributed to her current acelerating dementia (yes there are studies that have found such a link - especially in women and people who have general anesthesia/surgery after 55). We won't allow her to be operated on with the likelihood that she will either not wake up or - far worse - wake up and not know ANYthing or ANYone (including herself). And she's much more likely to slow down to the point of "stopping" - due to metabolism and vascular issues - than to die of cancer anyway.

One factor with my own parents was that they were often dehydrated which made them listless. They don;t eat or drink enough to have much energy. I found that setting a tall glass of sweetened iced tea next to my Mom's char had quite an impact. She would sip at it and really revive. Once she had taken in more liquid I could usually get her to eat a snack like a mozzarella cheese stick with some Ritz crackers, etc. It all seemed to help.

valencom--well said. I agree with the others also-I guess we have to accept that it is a part of life.

Want to follow

BTW, Mother is mostly sane except when having a UTI and then all bets are off.

Have her hemoglobin & iron checked, she may be anemic. Also recheck for UTI. When my mother gets wimpy (as her caregiver calls it) and wants to sleep all day, I know that the crazy is right around the corner.

I apologize for over reacting if I came across that way. Very difficult time.

Moriah, I have a friend who is going through the same thing. Her husband is 71 with Parkinson's/Lewy Body dementia. He was so active and they traveled all the time. This disease has made him an "elder" almost. It's so sad what these diseases take away from us and THEM. Mom's roommate just turned 65 and she has been at the same facility for 6 years. Her husband took care of her for 5 years (but said she showed symptoms for years before that) and then couldn't handle it or her anymore. I can't imagine losing someone so young to to ALZ/dementia. It's hard enough watching my 91 year old mother go through this. Good Luck and God Bless with your husband.

Also of some concern would be the medication side effects especially trazadone which states tiredness as one of them. Please bring your issues to her doctor and see if there should be an adjustment in her medications. My Mom is on Aricept and WAS on Namenda (for a month) until she began to withdraw, became dizzy and have bigger incontinence issues. Once off this med she is back to her old self.

Sorry to hear about your situation. I was in the same situation when Mom moved in with me over 2 years ago. All she would do is word searches while watching TV in HER chair only stopping to eat or go to the bathroom. I arranged for both of us to visit our local Adult Day Care and I had major push back. I let time pass and we made another visit, still some push back but I managed for her to finally agree. She has been going (Mon -Fri) for 1/2 a year and loves it. I am glad I did not cave in to her hesitation. You may want to see if this would work for your situation. These people are angels, very attentive and caring. I only wish I had started earlier. Give it some thought. Good Luck. BTW my Mom is 91 has dimentia and in relatively good health.

I think he may have been referring to the fact that the poster's mother has advanced dementia.