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I mean I dont hate my hubby. I hate what he has become? Hubby is impossible. Mean. Hateful. Demanding and always right. When I talk to him and he responds it is not 2 seconds before he says "I didnt say that. You are delusional." You are the one with dementia. They need to put you in a home." I basically just don't even try to talk to him anymore because it always ends up in an arguement. It wears me out. Am I wrong to just want this to be over? How can I always me wrong?

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What a nightmare. I can think of no worse scenerio. It is time to begin searching for meds that will make him more passive. Talk to his doctr. Let him know you are at your wit's end. It may take some experimenting, but with patience and a willing doc, your life can settle down.

I also suggest you develop a relationship with an elder law attorney to begin organizing your assets to your best advantage. If you do this, I guarantee you will begin to feel more in control of what you now perceive as a hopeless situation.

If you are not spending money on in-home caregivers, START TODAY. You simply MUST take emotional and social care of yourself or you will lose your mind. Go to lunch with a friend...go shopping...go to church alone...join a book club. Do NOT live in isolation. It will be the end of you.

You're running a marathon not a sprint. Understand that and manage YOUR life.
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Dementia isn't a specific disease. Instead, dementia describes a group of symptoms affecting memory, thinking and social abilities severely enough to interfere with daily functioning.
It causes phychological changes
Personality changes
Inability to reason
Inappropriate behavior
Paranoia
Agitation
And eventually, Hallucinations
First of all, you are not alone and you are not always wrong. You are stronger than you know to be going thru this with your husband, as I am with my mother. Yes, it's frustrating and mostly just futile, but you shouldn't wear yourself out trying to reason with him. Let the things that he says roll off you like water off a duck's back--it's the only way to keep yourself sane. They don't mean to be hurtful, remember how loving they used to be? That is what you must remember. You are simply loving what is left of your loved one and you must let everything else pass. It gets confusing for them to carry on normal conversations sometimes, so keep it short and simple. "I know you don't mean that because you love me as much as I love you" That is what I say all the time and I stop there. Usually there is a comeback, but if it isn't respectful, don't participate. After all, in a few minutes, they may have forgotten all about that.
Keep your sanity, keep a relationship with your friends (or even US, on this website) You can do this....WE CAN DO THIS!!!
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I have the same problem with my husband....the only thing is I still struggle to keep quite or leave the subject alone, it always ends up in a fight of some sort. Yes he does forget about it but lately his attitude is one of assertiveness that I hate so much. Spoke to him this morning about it and he said he knows his attitude is wrong and he will work on it. I cant give you a solution, I try to do my own things and not interfere with his, we dont do anything together anymore...so I just carry on by myself. Get yourself something to do, hobby, knitting, crochet. In SA we have aldult coulering books..for tress relieve.I got myself one and it is so relaxing, I dont even notice his loud TV when I am coulering in my book. Strongs to you...
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Mine is 64 and just as grumpy. I just tune him out, get on the computer and mentally go somewhere else. It's what you do to survive.
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I have been on Dementia Highway for a long time. I did the computer thing researching everything I could find on his and my condition. I did the meds. In the end the dementia always wins. It is strange that one can not out maneuver a damaged mind with an undamaged mind rhen I realized dementia alters everything. I collasped hubby's family collected him and finances when I got sick. I was left homeless and seriously ill while hubby and family lived in a beautiful house putting me down and talking crap about how indept I was. I am healthy today and happy but there is a sadness inside. I do remember how he was and it was off the chart awesome. Loved hubby mire than I could ever understand. He touched my life mind and heart like no one had ever touched it before. I know ut sounds corn ball and stupid but there it is. I truly loved every little thing about him. The Good. The Bad. And even the Ugky. Even now although it hurts soooi much. I am glad. I will never feel that way again but as they say "We will always have Paris". I try not to remember because I miss him so much and he is already gone. The unresolved issues and the whys are a heavy load to carrry. Thank you guys soiiii much. Ir is not that misery lived company rather it is having simeone who understands what I am unable to explain. I was alone fir a long time. Thank you for beung here for me. I hope I can help you guys too. Just kniw rhar there are constant tears running down my face while U am trying to type out this response on a oh so little keyboard battling through the vusyal distraction. Peace. Grace. And Love to all of you. My gratitude fir your comments care can not be bound by measurements. R.
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Hello, I'm new to this. I'm helping with the care of my father who is a stroke survivor. The dementia is progressing at a fast pace and these days he is very mean to my sisters and mom. He has not been aggressive to me and I'm the only one who can calm him down. It is very tiresome. We feel very isolated.
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It is difficult for carers to accept their LO mind is damaqed by
Alzheimer's Disease

You may think you know what youre dealing with, but believe me,
you dont.
John Huston as Water baron Noah Cross in Chinatown

Never Give Up
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My 100 year old mother has gone through a lot of stages in the past 10 years. Too many to describe here. As she slowly fails, her dementia has gotten pretty stable. She is very passive resistant with others but last year got aggressive with my sister and me. Zoloft helped that a lot and she settled down. Dementia patients are scared and angry and frustrated. Dementia seems to diminish their normal self control mechanisms.
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My cousin was difficult to deal with in some of her stages, but she has mellowed some. So there is hope that things will change. I'm not sure if it's medication that makes her less anxious and depressed or that she feels safe where she is now, but she's much more content and pleasant. She does have her moments, but they are rare.

I will add that we have a family friend who is 89 years old has had severe dementia for quite a while. She is mobile and can still talk some, but isn't very communicative. She makes some statements and can answer some questions. Language seemed to the first to go for her. It happened after she barely survived a horrific car accident. She's never been the same.

However, our family friend is quite pleasant. She doesn't repeat things. She doesn't say mean things and is able to function pretty well with assistance. Her daughter lives with her and they do great together. They come and visit us regularly. She has delusions, but they are mild, such as she will tell her daughter they need to end their visit in order to go home and relieve her mother of child care duties. She thinks her kids are babies.

This lady was a delight and blessings to so many throughout her life and she still is, even with dementia. She and my special needs niece chat and have a grand tine together when they visit. They seem to understand each other.
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This question hit home for me today. We're only 6 months from my father-in-law being diagnosed, and it is breaking my heart how much his personality has changed. We had 25 years of a fantastic relationship and now he is constantly mad at me (I made the mistake of telling the doctor about his falls, and now he thinks I'm making it all up). I don't have any advice except to say watch any/all Teepa Snow videos you can find. I've watched clips on Youtube and bought one of her DVDs and it has helped me separate the disease from the man I used to know. Using some of her techniques I actually had a wonderful conversation with my FIL for the first time in months. He still thinks I'm part of a conspiracy to 'put him in a home' (so not true), but at least for an evening he was friendly and lovely to me again. Lots of love to you because I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a spouse change on you like that.
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