Is it wise to make arrangements prior to a LO's passing?

I would say do it now. I prepaid for Moms when she went on Medicaid with Medicaids OK since it was her money. Made everything so much easier.

Yes, a little much fanfare with parents. I would ask ur doctor how can u get around this.

Yes, it is very wise to do so. It was traumatic enough going through mama's death, was so glad when I got to sit with her body, as the people that take care of that, did take care of everything. You do pay for that when arrangements are made .

If you are using hospice, you do not have the ambulance, fire truck, and police racing to the house AND snooping everywhere. My mother's best friend had those issues when her son died suddenly and she called 911.

My Dad died this past December in the early morning. His body was still warm when I called the hospice nurse. She came and confirmed he had passed (no medical examiner was needed). In SC, if a person is under hospice (even at home) you don't need to call 911, police, medical examiner, etc.

While waiting for the nurse, I told my mother and started getting her ready for family and other guests. She was showered, hair washed, dressed, fed, etc. by the time we had hospice and funeral home staff at the house. She did have a few minutes alone with him before he was moved.

Since my parents are/were in their 90s, I insisted they had a prearranged and prepaid funeral. My reason, was that I did not want to be making these decisions when I was too emotional. This also helped keep the costs down. Went with cremation, visitation at funeral home, and service and burial at VA cemetery.

Only one person complained. My critical B$%ch sister. Her biggest complaint was that I did not bathe and dress Dad before the funeral home came for him. OK, he left dressed in sweatpants, tee shirt and diaper, but the funeral staff cleaned him up and waited until I brought his clothes for cremation later. She was complaining again to my mother when she was told I had taken his clothes later. Mom said her jaw hit the floor when she told her what he was wearing. for his cremation. When he was younger, my Dad's favorite hobby was fox hunting. So I had him dressed in his formal riding habit with pinks (scarlet jacket). He now could spend his time in heaven riding his beloved horse, the late Master James.

It is incredibly wise. I posted a question about my MIL refusing to address the topic. Bless yours for wanting the transition to be peaceful and planned. Yes, you can make arraignments in advance or simply know what the plan is and what service providers you will be using. I would start now doing some research on local facilities. Knowing what her wishes are and expressing them to you in full detail really is a blessing she is providing to you.

I never had any problem when we had hospice. If shes in good health now ask her about it when she brings up end of life wishes.

You can make arrangements with Hospice to provide in-home care. My friends did this for their mother, and they created a very caring and peaceful environment for her and the family.
Regarding working with a funeral home (they usually make the arrangements for the coroner to retrieve your loved one's body and any wishes, such as cremation), it does behoove you to make those arrangements in advance, because: A. Then you (or someone designated) only need to make one phone call to set things in motion. B. Most funeral homes will offer you a significant discount when you pre-arrange their services. I know someone who saved 20% doing this.
We've all suffered or are currently suffering losing our parents. It's so painful and heartbreaking. Whatever you can do in advance will allow you more space to simply grieve when the time comes. Peace...

When my mom came to live with me she already had her cremation paid for. Now she’s on long term care Medicaid, waiting for long term care placement. Money she received from cashing in a life insurance policy has to go for her care, per Social Services. So I used it towards her burial in another state ( she has the plot). Got a package deal from the cemetery & hopefully it’ll be paid for prior to her death. Good to get all of that done!!

If death is imminent then she could go to hospice and then there would not be the police etc. When my DH and I planned our arrangements we went to the cemetery office to pick our plot. I was surprised to see that quite a bit of the cemetery had already been chosen by the living persons in the community. The director said it was very common for people to pre-plan

Yes, make arrangements now. You might possibly plan your own arrangements now if you plan to stay in the community. As for the ambulance and police coming, I think that is what they do and is expected. I don't see how you can get out of that. My DH and I have our funeral, burial and plots all arranged and paid for. Less stress now. And our wishes are granted because we paid for what we wanted.

Absolutely!! My husband just passed away. Thankfully, we had done a preplan several years ago. The cremation was completed without any additional work on my part. My only trip to the funeral home was to pick up the ashes. Ninety-five percent of the cost had already been paid so the final costs were minimal. Even though I knew, and agreed with, what he wanted, it was a blessing not to have to make those decisions immediately following his death.

I have found that involving them plan for their passing gives them some kind of peace, keeps them feeling in control til the end. Also if you have a goofy family like I do, you can also ask about any special request ie; what to wear, jeans & a T-shirt.

I paid for my moms funeral cremation while she lived with me. They took care of everything when mom passed. Very thoughtful and no drama.

Yes, very much advisable to do. My late mother prepaid for her funeral and she was a poor woman.

I think it is smart to pre-plan some of these things. I was power of attorney for a friend of mine with frontal temporal dementia and had her in a memory care apartment. When hospice was started, I visited the funeral home to check out how things worked, picked out a coffin, went to the cemetery and purchased a plot for her and her husband. About a week later, she passed and things fell into place pretty easily. Our faith does not believe in cremation, nor embalming, so there is never an open coffin funeral. Her grave-side burial ceremony was two days later and the public funeral the following weekend at the funeral home so her teacher friends could attend without missing school. Knowing her passing was imminent, I found photos of her to have on display for the public funeral, and the funeral home provided flowers for display. It went very smoothly. I had contacted one of her principals to speak at the funeral and he did a marvelous job. The pre-planning steps really helped make things go so smoothly, so I encourage doing what you can do ahead of time.

YES, YES, YES ! My parents made their final arrangements 40+ years ago. We all knew their wishes. My folks and i discussed it several times over the years and they were comforted knowing their wishes were known & understood, and would be respected. A DNR was on file with their doctor when the time came. My Dad chose to enter a hospital 3 days befor he died so he could be made more comfortable. My Mom died at home. Neither had Hospice. So yes, when my Mom died we had to call 911...with a request for no sirens. Because we had her DNR in place all went very smoothly and respectfully. The EMTs did hook her up to a heart monitor to be sure there were no life signs. From her bedside they called her dr and the coroner. No police because there was no evidence of neglect or abuse. I called the mortuary to pick her up. One other thing to help all go smoothly....have the dr's name & phone #, mortuary's name & number, AND that DNR at the ready to hand to the EMTs when they arrive. They will need all that info. Do get access to her finances so you can pay for all those last minute arrangements. I was their POA also, and executor of their Trust. Upon Mom's death access was suspended until i could file for the EIN #.
Over all, it was comforting for my Folks to be able to state their wishes and have all those arrangements made. It did NOT make them feel like their death was eminent. It was also a blessing for us kids because their wishes were clearly written out. No reason to guess or debate amongst ourselves. Bonus.....they paid far less for everything than if we had had to purchase them at the time of their death (10 years apart....Dad in '08 @ 86 & Mom in '18 @ 93). Simply stated making those final arrangements before needed is one of the most loving caring things a person can do 💕 for everyone.

I did my mom's the week she entered hospice. She lived two weeks in hospice before passing. My POA gave me authority to plan her funeral even AFTER her death, which I did. She thought she had a funeral policy but it turns out she had let it lapse. We had also bought a burial plot beside my dad for her when he died. Turns out, they couldn't show where we had done that - never did straighten that out, just bought a new one. Total cost was just under $10,000.

Yes and if prior arrangements made, double check them. Our mother told us that everything was paid for and planned. She just passed away and when we contacted the funeral home we found out that she only had $2500.00 to work with. After all was done, we had to pay an additional $7000.00 to bury her. Big surprise, since the arrangements were made in 1984 and prices have gone up. Wished we would have checked years ago and planned for the increase,.

Go talk with the funeral home who will be handling her cremation. Also, a lot can happen between now and then. Should she, at some point, require hospice - they can also help with the final details - who to call, what will happen, etc.

There have been some great suggestions made here. My concern is "what if we die out of the area where our plans for cremation were made? Is it less expensive to be cremated where you actually died and have ashes returned to family or have body sent home?" Let's assume in USA, not International.

IT DEPENDS WHERE YOU LIVE - talk to someone official now - make the pre-planning because if she died 8:30 on a Friday night of long week-end who do you call to transport her etc - we did this with my mom & it was very smooth transit - you may need a dr to sign off her death is straightforward so talk to your/her dr sooner than later

Yes - I got my DH onto Home Hospice for his last week and they call the funeral home and I got him cremated. Be aware, they will ask if you want embalming and dressing - but I saw no reason to "mess" with my DH's body before cremation. And I opted for no viewing since he had already outlived his peers and all but 3 siblings who were already aged and in poor health.

I went online and got The Living Urn - it was most reasonable and for an extra $30, I got to choose the type tree I wanted. When it didn't survive last winter, they replaced his tree at no cost to me.

My father also went onto Home Hospice for his last week and that too went smoothly. I paid for his funeral in full right after my mother passed. She passed in 2004 and Pop in 2011. He had to have a Jewish Funeral which meant no embalming and no viewing - he had to be in the ground within 24 hours.

Both were handled by Hewlett Winstead Funeral Homes and they were professional and not stuffy. The allowed me to include my DH's red fuzzy blanket with his body. So thoughtful.

My Mother and I discussed her desires before she got sick. My parents had already purchased burial plots, and we decided that an immediate direct burial without any funeral services was best.

I am afraid that if it is an unattended death then the law requires that certain steps be taken.

However, if she is under the care of a physician and her death is expected, then you have different procedures.

Unresponsive versus passed away will also get different results. When someone is unresponsive it is taken to mean that they are unconscious. Therefore all attempts to revive will be started at the dispatchers call for teams to respond. If she has died in her sleep, use that terminology.

Having a crematorium picked out will help you at the time you need them. Be sure and use a crematorium and not a funeral home that gets paid for helping the process along, costing unnecessary money.

The more you can arrange in advance, the easier it will be, especially so if you have your mother's involvement in the process. Dealing with the administration of funeral arrangements can be overwhelming, so if your mother is involved before hand it will take away a lot of the second-guessing and worry - and possibly potential disagreements between relatives. Likewise potentially some of the cost, which I know might be a non-issue for some, but for others a very real additional worry as the funds of the estate are frozen immediately.

Some elderly people are very reluctant to discuss such arrangements - almost as if by refusing to talk about their death it will somehow ward it off. I wish this weren't the case, as it can make things so much harder.

I would not wish to make additional work for people when I go, so have made a clear list of my wishes and had it filed with my will. I'd like to hope it's a way off yet, but at least I know that it's one less job for someone else.

It's definitely a good idea to make arrangements ahead of time. While my husband was on Hospice, I made arrangements with a local funeral home that also does cremation. Being "prepared" took some of the anxiety of the situation away. They were calm and compassionate and ready to take over when my husband died. It was an upscale funeral home and the atmosphere was elegant and reassuring. If your mother is not in Hospice, your city or county may need the additional step of a coroner's visit, but the funeral home or cremation service you choose can advise you on that.

It is very common to pre-arrange services. However, if your MIL doesn't want a service, that makes it so much easier. I do not know what regulations need to be followed in your state but when my mom died this spring, she was at assisted living. She was still under the care of her personal physician who told us she probably had 3 weeks. Upon her death (during the night) the ALF was required to notify the coroner but since she had been under her physician's care, no autopsy was required and once the coroner gave her release via phone, my mom's mortuary of choice was called and they picked her up. Mom died around midnight and the funeral director picked her up at 2AM so the process was pretty seamless. No emergency personnel were required. I knew Mom's wishes and had already contacted the priest to let him know the time was near so he was prepared when I called him. All things considered it wasn't to make the arrangements. My family had used the same funeral director for every death so I was comfortable with the choices I made and there was no pressure for anything more than I chose. I will say that I was the only remaining child so I had no other family members to consider. When my husband had to plan his mother's funeral, the biggest obstacle in the process was his sister. So if you can get your mom to participate in the pre-planning of the arrangements, if you have any siblings who might object, that way you can tell them it was your mom's own wishes and plans.

Yes it is a very good idea. It will give you peace of mind and help you better deal with things when the time comes. Plus your mom will get to see her wishes being fulfilled. Both of my parents died at home when the time came and had everything prearranged. It truly helped keep things less chaotic.

Both my parents had also signed up with an organization called "Lifeline." All details were taken care of. They came to get them when they passed. There was no police or ambulance and they had a counselor who helped us with everything when we could not think clearly on our own at that point. They were wonderful and I highly recommend them. Plus because my parents both donated organs for research, there was no charge for the cremation. I don't know if this organization is available where you live but if it is it is well worth looking into. Having experienced how helpful they were and how much easier it made things, altho only in our 50's, my husband and I plan on using them for prearranged plans for ourselves.

My gram passed away in the car - on the passenger side - on the way to a doctor's appointment. Her doctor did not have the necessary paperwork to "declare death" so my mom took her to the local hospital where they pronounced her. She already had arrangements with a local funeral home for cremation. My sisters and I helped mom with a memorial at mom and gram's church and dinner out for family afterwards. After dinner, we went back to mom's place to divvy up the few possessions that were to be heirlooms for each person. Seemed to work well for our family.

Your mother, in essence, has made the plans. Whether you make arrangements now or in the future, you are carrying out her wishes. Personally, I think prior arrangements are very practical. It allows you to make decisions when you are clear-headed instead of during a very stressful time of grief. My mother has made some of her wishes very clear, but has resisted make pre-planned arrangements which I do not understand at all.

You are lucky to have your mom that long. I would give my soul to the devil if I could have mine in that condition. Mine is bedridden, total dead weight, cannot talk, and kept alive with a peg tube and she is 90 years old, and she has been an enormous physical, emotional and financial burden for the past 5 years. Mom cannot even sit up on her own. Nothing. She's still alive, but she's also gone. Everyday I miss her. Pre-planned funeral or cremation is the way to go. Not only will this save you a lot of money, but the funeral parlor won't gouge you taking advantage of your grief--preplanned is when a person is level headed. To wait until the loved one dies--they are a business and they will take advantage of grieving. In addition preplanned flat rate is locked in. Preplanned has cost savings--they will give you discounts.