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Why does he have to use a cell phone, doesnt the nursing home have phones in the rooms?
If there are no phones then by all means go to the administrator and raise hell about them losing his chargers.
You have to be an advocate for anyone placed in a nursing home, otherwise their care will suffer
And call as much as you want, don't let them tell you not to call..
Good luck
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PattyOaks Aug 2020
Not all nursing homes have free phones in resident rooms.  Some charge $40-50 a month for the landline phone.  And, if the resident is on Medicaid $40 is all of the monthly money they are allowed to keep.  I certainly wish all homes provided each resident with a phone.
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That’s horrible .. that you can’t talk to your LO ... I would speak to the director about this. .. actually think it’s abusive! Some staff are mean and uncaring and shouldn’t be working in care homes. .. so I would take matter further. I don’t understand why you can’t visit .. every home here is allowed up to 2 family members a half hour visit everyday !!! Check current regulations in your province/state under public health ... but definitely don’t let this stand !!!
it’s not their family that they’re isolating...
good luck !
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Johng123 Aug 2020
What state are you in?
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Call as often as you like. That is your grandfather's home now and the staff are there to do things for him. They are getting paid to do that. My mom cannot answer the phone or call by herself any longer, and needs help. The staff don't always like it, but I insist they do it.
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I’d slap the nurse that told me not to contact my loved one daily.
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You have every right to call your grandfather. I would talk to a higher up or the NH director about this. Because he communicates with another language, you should have the right to call him. It just burns me how NH's try to take over everything, including personal issues, with residents, yet they are neglectful about other things. It seems it is just a matter of being an inconvenience to THEM. Each resident should be treated with respect, and that includes the right to a daily phone call from family. Talk to a higher up, social worker, and the director of the home and state your case. I wish you all the best!!
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One of the worst emotions someone living in a care facility experiences is loneliness. I can imagine the loneliness your gpa feels. He's in a strange facility where he knows no one and no one speaks his language. You might suggest that someone in the facility learn to speak his language or you be allowed to call him daily. It might seem facetious, but that's what I would tell them. Most families don't call daily, according to the staff, because their LO can communicate with others in the facility... your gpa can't.

Does he have a dresser or other furniture in his room? You may want to somehow permanently attach another charger to that furniture, maybe with screws. He may not be able to tell you, but I'm sure he enjoys your calls. Keep it up.
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staceya Aug 2020
That's true. That is one of the reasons why we call him. We probably wouldn't be as worried or call every day if we knew he had someone else to converse with in there.

He does have a desk and dresser I think. We haven't actually been in the facility since he was placed there but we could think of doing something like that!

Thanks for your input!
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You have every right to check on your grandpa, but first thing I would do is discuss it with whoever is his POA in your family. The director of the hospital needs to be informed of this. They need to make a special effort for our elders, they can't see their loved ones physically, but they can at least try to make it better by helping them keep in touch with family. I know if I was in your shoes that is what I would do. Don't worry about bothering them, it is in the best interest of your dear grandpa. You are doing the right thing by showing you care. My brother was in the hospital recently for about 3 months, I called at least twice a day, once to his nurse and once to my brother directly. One day my brother was upset about his care and not doing well, I immediately asked to speak to the nurse on duty, no return phone call after a few hours and then I called the director. I got a call back from the nurse within a minute after the phone call to the director. No problems after that. We have to be advocates for our dear loved ones.
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staceya Jul 2020
Thank you, I feel better about it when you put it that way--that we're doing it for him and it's in his best interest. I really don't want to bother the nurses if I don't have to--it just ended up being this way once the chargers were gone. I don't want to make the nurses happy (not happy but just save them from having to do this task) at the expense of my grandpa.

I will see if a schedule can be set up but if not, will speak to someone higher up for some help.
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We bought my mom a Facebook Portal so we can video chat. Even with her demetia, so far at least she shas been able to answer. If he can still operate a phone ( my mom cant, plus she would also store chargers in weird places, and I couldnt go in and find them) they should be ok. It looks like a digital photo frame when not in use, and would just stay plugged in all the time. Its nice because you can also see their condition also.

I just set up a Facebook account for her for that purpose only and added friends and family only. I added a photo album to that account so that a slideshow of pics displays while not using it for talking. Occassionally she does unplug it, but we just call and an aide will plug it back in. That would be less work than wheeling him to a phone booth.
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staceya Jul 2020
I will look into that. We had to get him a flip phone as he felt it was easier to use. He wasn't great with the touchscreen as he felt his fingers were too clumsy but if it is straightforward to use, that might be helpful especially if it displays photos as a background!
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I don't suppose staff has time to look for missing chargers. Grrr. Would Grandpa be moving them? The watches, jewellery, dentures, hearing aides I would find in strange places, behind the CDs, in with the socks, with the toothbrush... Or quite likely, in the staff tearoom!

If Grandpa can recharge OK, can someone drop in another charger?

I agree it's important for his social.needs - especially considering the language barrier & no visit situation.

I am calling my Mum everyday too. She also finds herself in care in lockdown & confined to her room. I feel so bad for her without any visitors. She is hearing impaired & struggles with the different accents anyway & now cannot lipread due to the masks.

I agree that a regular time may make it easier on the staff.

Ask staff about Google translate too. It can be a lot of fun & helps so much. Just to say hello or ask how are you today? A small thing that is easy to do & would make him smile.
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staceya Jul 2020
I don't he would have moved the charger because he's always left it plugged into the wall and disconnects the phone. It's possible with his dementia now but we won't know until we can visit and look for it ourselves I guess.

We've dropped off 2 now and we have another but just worried they will lose that one too. We were thinking of just charging it for him once we're able to visit him.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It is hard when you're isolated and I agree the masks are making it difficult for those that have hearing difficulties.

I will ask about Google translate--it is a useful app and I know he would appreciate it if someone greeted him in his language. Thanks!
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Who is in charge of your grandpa's care? You or another family member?

Whichever person it is should make a formal request to the care home that a daily phone call is included in your grandfather's care plan. For example, in his lunchtime routine it could say "accompany Mr X to the booth and support him to call family."

It will be easier for the staff to do this as a routine task requiring a known length of time than for them to run and get him when you ring up.

You have not done anything wrong. The annoyance of the person who told you not to call so often was understandable - they're almost always overstretched - but not appropriate. If she has an issue with frequency of phone calls she should bring it up with her supervisor, and if it's really a problem the home's managers could ask all residents' families to limit their use of the phone booth.

The home has a duty to your grandfather to support his relationships with his family, and at the moment that's going to make telephone communication all the more important. Of COURSE we all have to make allowances for these terribly difficult times and be considerate, but that doesn't mean it's okay that they've failed to assist him with his cellphone and are now being snippy about calls to the booth. It is for THEM to sort this one out.

And actually.... yeah, it IS the staff's job to bring him the phone or wheel him to the booth! And what have they done about his chargers' going missing? [Misplaced, my foot. How do you misplace something that stays plugged into the wall socket?]
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staceya Jul 2020
That sounds like a good plan and will ask my dad to bring that up with the staff as he's the main carer. Hopefully they will be amenable to this.

They tried to look for the chargers. They mentioned after the second time it may have ended up mixed in with laundry but I didn't understand that because as you mentioned, it should've been plugged in. And my grandpa wouldn't unplug the charger from the socket, he only disconnects it from the phone.

Thanks for the advice, that was really helpful!
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Any chance that you can send another charging cord with a large tag with grandpa's name on it?

I would speak to the director of the facility about the fact that these cords are going missing. Does grandpa know how to plug his phone in? Can you get him a simple charging pad or dock?

I don't think wanting to speak to him every day is at all unusual, given the circumstances.
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Countrymouse Jul 2020
Unfortunately, no amount of marking will stop people "borrowing" chargers!
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Hello Staceya,

I hope you are well, and that you are staying healthy during these trying times. We have been going through something similar with my mother. My mother had a fall and was hospitalized due to it, and because of her overall health. After a few weeks, she was moved to a care home that was not allowing visitors due to Covid. We would call her every day, but her phone would run out of battery, and the nurses had more pressing issues to tend to, but we still called them every day, to talk to her.

Especially regarding language issues, it is important for your grandfather to feel at home by hearing someone speak to him in a language he understands. I understand that nurses are understaffed, under-appreciated often, and underpaid indeed, however, I do not think you should feel bad for wanting to talk to grandpa daily. The emotional reward he gets from hearing a familiar language, and perhaps sometimes a familiar voice is a vital part of his life quality.

YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING! If you feel that grandpa benefits from the daily calls, try to talk to the people at the facility again? Maybe you can set up a particular time you can call where they would be better equipped to receive your call and facilitate the conversation?

I wish I had better advice, but we just kept at it, kept calling and insisted on taking care of my mothers emotional wellness through daily contact. These are strange times, and I hope that you get to some form of compromise with the care facility to where grandpa gets heard, and you get to communicate with him regularly.

Sending healing energy to grandpa, and strength to you.
You got this!
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staceya Jul 2020
Sorry to hear about your mother.

Thank you for your kind words. We will try and contact the staff again to see if there is any way we can find a compromise.

Wishing you and your family all the best!
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