My mother had a stroke 2 years ago; she is now 87. I have been her sole caretaker from that point on.
Although she has not been formally diagnosed, she exhibits most of the signs of vascular dementia. I have explained her behavior (angry, delusional, depressed, verbally and physically abusive) to the doctors, but because they claim she is still competent, they cannot force any additional testing. Her primary dr has confirmed cognitive decline, but will not help me with enforcing the durable POA that I've been designated with.
I just want to get the proper diagnosis to get her the help she so desperately needs. My family is now trying to accuse me of emotional abuse because my mom is constantly calling the same family members (including my one and only sibling — my brother) over and over with wild outlandish stories of me picking on her, bullying her, trying to control her, trying to kill her, stealing from her, etc. The family has even gone as far as calling the cops on me, twice. Of course the cops agree with me and understand my mom's illness, but these particular family members do not.
If your family has called the cops twice, I'd let them all know Mom is never coming back to your home, because of their ridiculous behavior. Let them deal with demented mom, you sacrificed 2 years and they can deal with it.
Let them deal with Mom's demented behaviors and abuse. I'd flat out refuse to get near her at this point. I'd be firing her useless Primary doctor and find a competent neurologist. I'd consider dropping your POA and let your "Golden Brother" deal with Mom.
Don't mince words.
Say: this is how it is going to be now...
This daughter needs to feel worthy to voice her opinions, feelings, and most of all, her boundaries. And, yes, it is complicated - but then, what isn't in these matters? Gena