Is it okay to confront family that are feeding into my mother's delusions? They are making things much worse.

You need to find a neurologist for your Mom to see, after you make sure she doesn't have a UTI, which also causes the same wacky behavior. With her acting so abusive after a stroke, I'd rule out a UTI first.

After that, find a neurologist. Then if she keeps up her abuse, cut her off, Tell her your aren't helping her anymore if she keeps up her fake accusations and continues to backstab you. Tell her call her other family she lies to, not you. Does she know you've had the police called twice because of her stories?? Especially after you have been caregiving her 2 years! For her to accuse you to the point police were called twice is ridiculous. Let your brother deal with her then! Call him and tell him you are done, so he better step up.

What about the Doctor that handled her stroke? Her Primary sounds useless.
Hopefully it's a UTI that can be fixed quickly. Otherwise, I would just stop helping her until she behaves better toward you. Good luck!

This post really struck home with me. I was sitting here thinking of a word to call this. Many caregivers in abusive situations are looked upon as "Beasts of Burden." Meaning that family members can keep adding more guilt, abuse, bullying, unfair treatment, insults and anything else you can think of to add to this mix without any consequences or repercussions.

Counseling and BOUNDARIES is where to start.

My older sister didn't stop her antics after I left home. She continued with her crap for years until I got well into my sixties. The parents and my disabled sister were all deceased by then. Finally, she ended up in a nursing home and doesn't have access to a cell phone any longer (thank goodness). Peace at last. She is in cognitive decline at this point according to her oldest daughter.

This just proves to show that this is more about a character flaw(s) in the other person causing these issues. I'm a firm believer that much of this behavior with the lying and other misdeeds that is given the blanket catch all in dementia could be a personality trait exacerbated by the dementia. Also, people with dementia will eventually lose their filters as the disease progresses. The brain is dying.

Separating yourself from toxic family members will be a wise move.

Ah, Family. I’m so sorry they’re adding to your burden. Is bro actively caring for Mom? The meddlers need to assume all care/oversight if they find your interventions not up to their standards. I gently suggest HE take the reins from now on as HIS plan is more to his liking. Step back and let him assume Mom‘s care.

Unfortunately, this happens often. I was POA for my aunt and my drug addicted brother convinced SNF I was stealing from her. The poor lady had barely a cent as he had already helped himself to her checking account after my uncle died of bladder cancer. (Which I discovered after becoming POA). A very embarrassed SNF admin made sure bro‘s visits were in common areas after that.

Durable POA does not typically require a doctor to trigger authority. Unless a particular institution is saying there is no reason for you to be acting on her behalf, they need to respect it. If there is doubt, one way to resolve it is to take her to at least one neurologist for an opinion on her insight and ability to manage her affairs. If the neurologist sees that she is not cognizant enough to make major/important decisions, they will write a report stating that, which can be used by you to require financial institutions etc. to respect your standing as POA. Two opinions from two independent neurologists is often recommended and even better (if they agree and don’t contradict each other).
If it is not possible for you to get the authority you need, then I would step away from this responsibility and let your smart-ass family take over. You simply can’t function as a primary caregiver with an elderly person who is in cognitive decline if you do not have the tools to manage her care. Good luck!

Your family is not siding with you here, they are believing your mother. I think it is time to step back. Perhaps you should contact APS and explain what is happening and tell them you can no longer care for your mother because she does not trust you. Give APS your sibling's phone number to ask what should be done now since she clearly cannot live alone.

If you mother is still considered competent, mail her a letter copying your brother that you are resigning power of attorney and mother needs to appoint someone else.

So sorry this is happening but no good thing is going to come from your continuing to be her caretaker. A change is necessary.

The worst part of dementia is that the person can sound so believable at times, especially to those not around her all the time. I fell in to the traps by someone at one time. Even though some of the conversations seemed a little far fetched, believable the same. It took some really outlandish stories before I realized the person had a dementia type problem. At that point we had to separate her from her spouse before she physically harmed him because she reached a point of physical violence. Spouse swore to take care of her forever, but he was in a bad position of being arrested should the cops ever show up and believe her tales of BEING the victim....it was her lunging at him. Took some talking, but he finally came to terms that with her swinging and possibly falling, it could look bad for him.

Until your mom is declared mentally incompetent, you can not use POA for her. I would suggest that the next time she is delusional - take her to the ER for evaluation and treatment. She might have a medical basis for her irrational thoughts - infection, blood chemistry imbalances, poor oxygenation, another stroke... All of these (except a stroke in some cases) are reversible causes and proper treatment brings her mentation back to being more cognitively capable. If she is having increasing mental incapacity, the staff at the ER can evaluate and declare her mentally incompetent - and put it into writing. Then, you can use her POA for her care.

As for family members, you need to work hard at communicating more with those who are "siding with mom". Usually, these loved ones need more information on an ongoing basis so that they are not blindsided when mom calls with emotionally-charged stories. It can be weekly phone calls, weekly text messages, weekly e-mail... AND quick posts whenever her condition changes. Try to get them onto your - and mom's - team in supporting you - and mom - through the your mom's health journey. Sending them articles about mom's medical conditions in order to educate them about her conditions may also help.

This definitely sounds like certain parts of the brain has been affected causing these behaviors. I'm surprised that an MRI or some sort of imaging wasn't done to determine which areas of the brain were affected by these two strokes. From there, the neurologist would have been able to determine a prognosis and proper treatment to rehabilitate your mother would have started. She should not have been sent back home under these circumstances with no further follow up. She needs to see a neurologist.

LIke I had mentioned before, you sound like you need to give up caring for your mom and you have lots of interference from your family that is making this much harder to do so.

Next time she gets physically abusive, please call 911 and have her sent to the emergency room. Have her checked for a UTI. Urinary tract infections can cause behaviors in the elderly. Let the social worker know that you will no longer be caring for her.

Since she is considered competent, and if she decides to return home get some type of home care service involved (she pays) herself and not you. If she doesn't have funds or limited resources, sign her up for Medicaid. Try reducing the amount of care you give little by little. You need to start putting your needs and your well-being first and foremost.

Mecha72: She needs to be seen by a neurologist.

I'm sorry you are going through this. This is very hard for you and on you.

The issue here is that your Mom only sometimes exhibits the symptoms. Because you are with her the most, you see more of the symptoms and the patterns than others. In addition, in the early stages of dementia, the person does have the ability to be on their best behavior, since they are lucid and rational some of the time.

For at least 4 years, my Mom would seem perfectly fine to the outside world,
while my brother struggled trying to get her to make decisions that used to come to her easily. We, and he, did not know she was in the early stages of dementia since he saw her once or twice weekly.

However, once I started seeing her daily, I definitely saw and observed the dementia, while to the rest of the family, her doctor, and her friends, they all thought it was just old age and simple forgetfulness. (BTW there is a chart that can help you determine the difference old age natural process of aging and memory disorder.)

Your Mom's stroke 2 years ago, is probably feeding into brain inconsistency. However, please do not use the word "dementia" has it has a special meaning to people and also implies that there is nothing that can be done. The word is so "bad" that the early stages is called Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI). HAH....it wasn't mild to me.

Has her PCP done a complete bloodwork panel including thyroid levels? Why do you want to enforce POA at this time?

Regarding the stroke, recognize that the brain can heal itself and to a certain degree, work around the parts that are broken. Unfortunately, it may not heal in the same way that it broke, therefore the healing process and what you, as an outsider see, is very inconsistent. I noticed that with my brother who had 5 strokes within a period of a few days. Occasionally, he had problems walking around a corner. The PT suggested what to do about it, and that worked for that problem, but another problem surfaced which hadn't been present before.

I would suggest, as hard as it is to you, to allow the chips to fall as they will. Concentrate on being a good companion for your Mom. Allow her to do things for herself because that is the feedback that she needs, that her brain might not be working as well as it should. Allow her to make mistakes, as long as they are not life threatening. At some point in the future, the dementia, or just old age, will get bad enough so that it will become obvious to everyone including your Mom.

For now, start a journal and start jotting down everything that you observe and everything you have to do because of something she did. Include all the doctor appointments and the drugs that she is taking (including vitamins, herbals, etc.) If she is waking up more at night, count the number of instances that she is up. If she is soiling the floor, note that also. If she confuses the numbers on bills, note that in the journal and allow the penalty and note it in the journal. If she gets irritable at a certain time of the night, note that also.

The reason for the daily or event driven journal is to chart her progress so that you can show other people, including your Mom, an objective view of what you see in her behavior. Be accurate, and try to be as objective as possible.

Also, make amends with your brother. You and he will be making some very life changing decisions for your Mom in the future and it is better if you learn how to negotiate those waters now, rather than later. You need to build trust with him. The accusations of stealing, and bullying are normal. If possible, have him put those events in his own journal....then compare your journal with his.

This part of the journey is very tough on everyone....actually the entire memory disorder journey, is hard on everyone.

...and many times, the death of the person just invokes even more family trauma in areas that you never thought possible.

Good luck ((HUGS))

You should write a letter which explains your mother's dementia. The confabulating, accusations of abuse, the stealing... all of this is dementia. When you have finished writing all of this down, make copies then send them to all of the family members who are running their mouths about you and calling the cops. Include in this letter the opprtunity any one of them can take over the caregiving any time and you will happily give over POA to any one of them. If the won't help you then they're part of the problem. Let them know in no uncertain terms that they need to STFU.

When your mother is getting verbally and physically abusive to you, call 911 and tell them you fear she will harm you or herself. Get her into the ER and show them your POA. Then ask to speak with a social worker. Tell the social worker that you cannot and will not care for her at home anymore. Then refuse to take her back. No matter what they say or promise. The hospital will get her placed. If you live in her house, you will have to move but you'll get some time.

Life would be a dream if someone, anyone would help in these situations! I never had the cops called on me (sick) but I know how family members can take things too far! My brother wanted POA, I said fine,take it. He came to the conclusion that it could hurt him and his family so it was OK if anything happened to me? Nice guy! Unfortunately, family will have nothing to do but criticize you for all your efforts. Maybe you can say, fine,you can be POA! Talk about a fast retreat when work is involved. I never had any difficulty with POA, I placed mom and the facility interviewed and accepted her. I showed them the POA and everything I signed for her with "as POA" so she was liable. I don't see why her physician wouldn't help you but I don't think you need a Dr opinion. So,you tell family...either you take over the reins or get over it, you've got enough abuse and don't need theirs. Try to place mom if possible, you have to take care of yourself so you have the energy to be the caregiver for the remaining work that will be "left" for you.
Don't be afraid to lose family over this, it usually happens more than you know. My brother says hey,we should get together some time. I said, I'll think about it. He said, what's there to think about?
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Really?!?!

Drop mom off at the family member's house and let them deal with her so they can get a good taste of what's going on, while you take a much needed break and trip somewhere.

I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. You don't have to prove anything to ignorant people. You are dealing with so much stress. Your mom needs to be prescribed medication to calm her down. Lexapro worked well for my mom. Please talk to your mom's doctor. Your mom may benefit being placed in memory care.

Take her to a neurologist. Ask the primary doctor for a referral if needed.

Honestly, from your description, I don't know whether she truly is showing signs of dementia, or it is your perspective and attitude that is "declining".

Angry, delusional, depressed and abusive behaviors are not necessarily a sign of cognitive decline or dementia. Maybe she is feeling controlled or bullied by you, and is trying to reach out for someone else's help. Have those other family members spend more time with her, maybe they will see the same things you do.

I'm a little leery of you. Why are you so anxious to take over as POA? And you say you want to get the proper diagnosis to get her the help she so desperately needs. What help do you think she needs that she is not able to get now?
Are you trying to force her into a care facility against her will? Does she need full time supervision? To me, it sounds more like your mother is depressed and angry because she doesn't want her grown child living with her any longer, she wants you to take charge of your own life, and leave her alone. Let your other family members care for her if she needs help. Or let her hire an outside caregiver. It really does sound like you're trying to take control of something you don't need to.

funkygrandma points out, and I think she's right, durable POA should be effective once signed, unless specifically stated that it takes effect when the principal becomes incapacitated or incompetent to manage their own affairs.

Really, a neurologist can do testing, imaging and give you a much better and clearer diagnosis. Keep in mind, a neurological exam may not confirm the diagnosis you want.

What a dilemma! How can you best take care of yourself? If you have a coach or therapist, they can help you work through this issue and it would guide you into making the best next step. Ultimately you are immersed in this situation and need to sort things out for yourself. Us outsiders can give you input but work through the issue(s) for yourself. You can do it!

I just want to mention that my brother had TWO PCP doctors sign our mother off from her medical decision making and now he alone can make those decisions. Is this possible your PCP could help you with this?

Do you live near an academic medical center? My dad was diagnosed with dementia at Rush Memory Clinic in Chicago. There is also now a blood test that can confirm dementia, and Medicare covers this test. Perhaps her primary care doctor would agree to running this test. My father recently had the P-tau217 test, which looks at proteins that are elevated in the blood of people with Alzheimer's disease. I might also suggest that you find a geriatrician to see your mother (and support you). My father was seeing a general family clinician, and this person was not trained in treating people with dementia. I was spinning my wheels as my father denied having any dementia-related issues, and I struggled to take care of him. I'm so sorry about how your family is behaving. My father also calls relatives and complains about me. Several of his friends gossip about us and judge me, despite a few of them having spouses with dementia. Hang in there. I hope you can find more peace soon.

Once folks start calling the cops and threatening me that is when I look for the nearest exit.

Your family sounds terrible. Give up that Power of Attorney and let someone else take the reign. There is no way that I would tolerate that type of abuse when I'm doing the heavy lifting.

I wouldn't waste one minute confronting these people. Calling the police is a guilt tactic to keep you in line. It doesn't give you freedom but works as the opposite by keeping you tied to this situation.

Get some therapy. Get a lawyer to send these people a cease and desist letter with their harassment and false police reports being filed.

Get APS involved. Let them know that you can no longer take care of your mother. It sounds like it's time for placement. Your mother sounds like a handful. She appears competent because you have been propping her up.

Your mother sounds like she is showtiming when she gets around her doctor and others. In other words, displaying her best behavior. I would start recording her behavior so others can witness what is going on.

Whoever keeps calling the police would get mom at their doorstep. It simply amazes me how people who do the least of nothing will be the main culprit calling police and other agencies. As if you don't have enough to contend with with managing her life, your day today and other duties.

Detach yourself from this insanity. I've already been down this rabbit hole of insanity being the caregiver for a disabled sister. I have had APS called on me by an older sister spewing lies about the care sister was receiving. Mom had set up care before she passed. I inherited my sister along with all of the other unfinished business. This caregiving will tire you out.

It sounds like you are finished with this situation. A very wise woman told me once you leave someone else will step in. I made sure that sister had a group home to move to. The social worker that worked with me was an angel getting my sister in a day program where she could me taught things. She learned how to feed herself again. Her teachers were astronomical with their teaching abilities. At home with just home care consisted of bathing and feeding. Sister needed a higher level of care that she received outside of the home.

I work as a home health aide and I see what an impact taking care of someone has on families.

Trust and believe, I can empathize what you are feeling. You feel unappreciated and frustrated for helping ungrateful people.

First I would say “confront” is an aggressive term and if you haven’t made your concerns and needs clear with family through discussion that might be a better way to start. It becomes abundantly clear as loved ones needs increase that not everyone is or should be a caregiver or know how to be helpful and supportive even if that is their intent. The fact we come from the same family doesn’t necessarily mean we see things the same way and that can be helpful or it can be harmful depending on how it’s presented and heard. Do your brother and other family members creating the problem live nearby and visit or are they far away and absentee? You have been her sole caregiver for 2 years does that men you live together? Does she have other permanent or lingering deficits from the stroke? Even at 87, depending on overall health, 2 years after stroke is early in the journey so handling this firmly but delicately both with your mom and the family, in my experience, is going to make this a better future for you and for her.

It’s common for the primary caregiver, especially their child and dare I say daughter, to get the brunt of abuse brought on by dementia along with the daily chores but it isn’t worth it to engage or argue with a parent while their reasoning is being taken over by the demented part of their brain. As you well know it’s not a constant thing, they can be perfectly reasonable and clearly thinking one moment and someone else the next, it’ ok to walk away and regroup. It takes time to recognize when it’s happening and what contributes. It may be impossible to explain this to anyone not present long enough to experience it for themselves, almost down to the very end of our journey my mother was an expert at show timing for doctors and visitors so even those who knew her well would walk away thinking she was far better off than they expected, she let her guard down, lost her filters with my brother and I. Good primary doctors who have known the patient and their caregiver for a long time will pick up on the changes, we were very fortunate because I don’t think that is the norm.
My suggestion is to find a geriatric psychologist if you can because they specialize in treating the behavioral changes and diagnoses with both therapy and medication. Privately feel out her neurologist and primary to see if they are on board with referring her but do the leg work for them first. Then present it to family and your mom as a way to prove you wrong about the slow decline and possible need for medication to slow it down. At an unheated moment tell mom you were reading or someone suggested going to a Geriatric specialist for stroke victims in particular, prior to symptoms showing up is a good idea because behavioral and cognitive changes are common among stroke victims and with the rite treatment can be greatly helped/reduced/prevented (whatever term she will accept best) and picked up early. So it’s like getting ahead of the curve, would help you care for her and it gives her the opportunity and freedom to complain about you and the things she doesn’t like to a doctor without you in the room if she wants. Start with her and see if you get get her on board, at least at that moment. Then move on to your brother and the rest of the family members. I would be more direct with them, tell them it hurts you deeply that they would accuse you or even consider that you would be so cruel to Mom that they felt the need to call the police but I can see why when you so rarely get to spend a block of time with her and only hear from her about these awful things I do and how I miss-treat her, your only choice is to at least question what might be going on. If you aren't able to come be in charge of Mom for a week to at least give me a break and see for yourself I ask that you do some research on the correlation of stroke and dementia as well as supporting me in encouraging Mom to see Geriatric Psyc to help you learn to cope and see if Mom needs help.GL

Hi
totally unbiased reading your words you strike me as being a bit too harsh
my father went through a stage of delusional talk and such but we patiently rode it out and he’s back to normal functioning
against what medical decided to tell us.
I may be totally wrong but you sound tired-
I think you are worn out and the stress of looking after mother - needs to be shared
family help or you need help - but I don’t think ots due to mothers decline as such- she sounds like she still has good life in her
I think you need a patient conversation with others and update you need help looking after mother otherwise alternative is she needs care
best to you- it’s not easy

It’s also very easy to record phone calls with an iPhone theses days. I think most POAs do not give you the right to override the person’s own decisions if they’re not deemed incompetent. So you probably can’t make her go to the neurologist for example. My mother is the same, even though her doctor recommends it based on her annual exam. But you can record phone calls with her as evidence for your family or doctors; as well as with your family members. Video of course is great too, but a little harder to get without being noticed.

I know that it's difficult, but I think you need to step back and allow things to get worse.
Notify your brother and other relatives that you can't do this any longer, due to the lack of support and it's up to them.
Notify social services, or whoever is responsible for vulnerable elderly wherever you live, that your mum has been deemed competent by her doctor but you don't believe she is; she's alone, so can they check up on her.

Nothing else will get done while you're propping her up. You need to stop.

Agree 200% with Dawn88 (May 29) below.
* Why are YOU taking care of her? And others are not?
* Do you want to continue in this role?

You want to create a track record of behavior / interactions_____________
* When mother acts out
- call APS and ask them to assess.
- certainly track police interactions (date, time, who, what)
- write down interactions with family

FYI: I've been with clients with what I would strongly consider varying degrees of dementia 'only' to answer MD questions adequately 'enough' in a visit wherein the MD believes them... doesn't probe. In other words, the person lies to sound coherent and often it works. Clearly, your mother is on a spectrum of decline ... although we don't know which spectrum or where it is going or how soon ... this COULD go on for years. Up for that?

And perhaps she is (has ) a narcissistic personality disorder and has been like this all your life. If she has a history of psychiatric disorder(s), clearly as a child, you were adversely affected by her behavior / interactions with you. In other words, you are wounded / traumatized.
--- there is caring and then there is martyr-ism or mental health issues.
If you continue to take this behavior ('abuse'), then you need to somehow make peace with your decision. You would benefit from seeing a therapist now to sort out your feelings.

* It is very telling to me that you ask us if it is 'OKAY' to confront family member. That you are thinking this way ... wondering if it is okay instead of being royal pis--ed and angry and feeling justified to sharing explicitly and clearly YOUR TRUTH. This tells me that you are fearful, have little self-esteem ...

Ask yourself: Why am I asking others if okay to talk to the family?

If you want to continue to care for mother, then know that this is a package deal If you decide to continue, ask yourself why? What are the payoffs for YOU?

* Video some of her behavior. This proof may help you / her. It will certainly support your words explaining to others what is happening.

However, the question or situation here for you to consider is if you want to continue on in your role knowing how you are being treated by your mother and your brother/family members. Know that your mother may / likely won't change and her behavior may get worse; same with your family members.

Clearly, your family members - calling the police on YOU - know that they can (get away with that) ... they know that they can show this level of disrespectful towards you.

Know there is / are major differences between 'caring' for your mother and setting boundaries (self care, self respect). I wonder if you are caring for your mother due to her living with you (or visa versa).
Question: Do you 'have to' live wherever you are, if with her?
Are you self-supporting?

I'd strongly recommend that you get into therapy to figure out if you and to stop allowing this behavior from mother and family.

Learn to love yourself - a decision at a tme.

First know you deserve to be respected and treated with kindness, if not appreciation by your family. As Dawn 88 said, let them take your mother in and care for her.

Gena / Touch Matters

Like me, you're part of a family that is dysfunctional to some degree. As a result you're motivated by guilt and an unrealistic sense of obligation. Apparently your mother has the ability to switch on and off her "anger, delusions, depression and physical abusiveness" when she's being examined by her docs vs when she's with you. Big difference between her doc's finding of cognitive decline and her outlandish behavior at home. You must take a frank look at that fact and realize she may be more aware of things than you realize and abuses you either because she resents your interference in her life or historically abuse has been her M.O. way of controlling you. To repeat....her docs don't find her to be as excessive as you witness as a result of her ability to turn on her "off" switch in their presence. Seems your sibling is well engrained in the dysfunction too. You could be facing more than one challenge...helping yourself and your mother. You must help yourself first to do anything else effectively. Face the possible family dysfunctional dynamics and start deciding you want to be mentally healthy and if walking away from them all is what it takes, do it! For sure consider your mother's accusations about you and your sibling's calls to the police about you and realize YOUR FAMILY IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE! Get therapy for your guilt which drives you to stay in the abuse. Like others have said, give your mother and your sibling a deadline date for your care....maybe 30 days. Put it in writing to them and CC yourself. Stick to that date and just stop being there for them after that. You did your duty and gave them sufficient notice.

….”because they claim she is still competent…” she can’t be screened for dementia?
Who is “they?”

I’m still competent, but my PCP screens with the MSME every year at my Medicare wellness exam. She does that with all her Medicare patients. She says she wouldn’t be a good doctor if she didn’t.

You need to get her to a Neurologist and have him give you a letter saying she is no longer competent to make informed decisions. A Neurologist can tell you what type so the rights meds are given. Your Mom needs to be medicated.

IMO, PCP/GPs know a lityle about everything and alot about nothing. Strokes and Dementia are neurological problems that need a Neuroligist.

Read your POA, if it says immediate, you can step in. My Moms Medical had to have a Dr. Sign off so read that too. No one ever questioned my POA and it was immediate.

If you have a durable POA(DPOA) as stated for your mom then that comes into effect the day it was signed, and does not require any doctor to have to claim incompetence.
And as already recommended I would just drop your mom off at these family members houses and tell them that you'll be back in a few weeks to get her. That should be enough time for them all to get a true taste of what it's really like caring for someone with dementia.
And of course if your moms care is getting to be be just too much for you, you may have to start looking into getting her placed in a memory care facility using her money of course. And if money is an issue she'll have to apply for Medicaid.

Confronting your family for making things worse is absolutely what you should be doing.

As things are, they think they are "helping" mom by throwing obstacles in your way. They think it lets them off the hook of actual care giving.

As an added bonus, they get to dump all the blame on you and bask in their feelings of self-righteousness. It's a win-win for them.

It's past time for you to establish better boundaries for what behavior you will accept. They should be praising you to the heavens for the work you've been doing.

If it were me, I'd be telling my unhelpful family that I'm retiring from caregiving and resigning my POA and they have 30 days to find a new solution, because I am no longer the solution.

They'll probably fall all over themselves with promises to help, etc. if you stay. Don't fall for it. Unless they can help you get your POA in effect to where you can actually do something, let them have their turn at running the show.

Use your phone to take quick videos of your mother’s lashing out and accusatory behaviors. This may prove useful to both family members and mom’s doctor. I hope you’re getting regular breaks from this intense caregiving role, you certainly need them

You will need to video when she is having delusions and being physically abusive. You need to call 911 when she attempts to abuse you, and keep getting video evidence and keep calling 911. At some point you'll have enough evidence to show her primary doctor. Is she on any meds for her agitation and depression? If not, why not? I am PoA for my Mom. I needed a written diagnosis for one of her financial institutions. Because I wrote the doc through my Mom's medical portal and explained I needed the written and signed diagnosis on the clinic letterhead in order to be able to function fully as her PoA, she accommodated me. Or, you take her to a different primary doctor or geriatrician.