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I was a caregiver for my grandmother at the age of 17. She recently passed away two months ago and I’m now 21. I’ve never thought about having kids, but these past few weeks I have. I know that a caregiver and parent are two different things but I was a caregiver for my grandma 24/7, she was my whole life for those 4 years. Of course I know that having a kid is a lot of responsibility and I’m in no way shape or form ready... has anyone else felt like this after being a caregiver?


I also recently lost my childhood dog in June of last year and I told my mom lets get a puppy but she reminded me that I already have two cats. Do I just want to take care of someone/something that is basically helpless? Is this me trying to fill an empty spot?

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I would say so. When a loved one dies, or a child leaves home, we caregivers/mothers are suddenly "unemployed" and it seems no one needs us any longer. You're just going through it decades before the rest of us.

Honestly, you're very young, and now it's time for you to discover YOU. If you want to work with children, become a teacher or work at a preschool. (PLEASE don't get pregnant to "have someone to love.") Work in a nursing home if you're drawn to the elderly, but honestly, I think you should find some other interests that aren't dependent upon caring for someone else. You need to care for you for a while.

Most of us here have raised our own children either before or during the time we've been caregivers, and both jobs leave very little time for ourselves. You have plenty of time to have children, so take this time to sit with your loss, then got up and explore some things just for you.
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I’m sorry for your loss. You’re feeling a hole in your life now, after loss we’re in a new place, at loose ends and unsure where to go next. Having a child will one day be a wonderful part of life. It’s not the answer now. I hope you’ll grieve your loss and find something new in life that you enjoy. Maybe a career in a caring profession would be rewarding. My daughter is newly a nurse and loves caring in that way. I wish you well in finding a new and fulfilling path
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Most "professionals" will say do noting that will be life changing for at least 1 year after a great loss like the one you have had. And you have had 2 losses.
To say you are very young at 21 is fact but also meaningless. My sister was 18 when she married and 19 when she had my first niece. She is still married and has 5 great kids so it is possible to be young and have kids.
Figure out who YOU are right now.
You have been a caregiver for 4 years if not longer.
What do you want to do?
Do you like the role of caregiver? To start you could become a Certified Nurses Assistant. A Nurse, Doctor I could go on and on. Take a few courses on line or in person. Reconnect with people your own age.
Volunteer. Animal Shelters, Hospice, Tutoring children. these would give you something to do to help refocus.
But do not rush into anything.
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To answer your last 2 questions, yes, you're wanting someone/something else to care for, and yes, you're trying to fill an empty spot.
Give yourself time, and get out and start living your life again. If you were grandma's 24/7 caregiver than I'm guessing you haven't continued on with you education, so that might be the perfect place to start. You have many years to have a child, and it's always best to wait until you're married to do that, as being a single mom is very hard.
Go out and start having some fun, while you're young. You won't regret it.
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