Is it normal to feel angry?

Yes it is normal! We’ve all been there. I hope you will be able to rest and feel better soon.

It is absolutely normal to feel angry, but you can get through it with the Lord's help with prayer and meditation on scripture. You may find this suggestion silly, but prayer works. You just have to believe.

absolutely normal. it's your right

Try enrolling him in a adult day care program 1 day a week to start. Maybe being around his peers will gi e him some motivation.

Hi JulieKac,

i know exactly how you feel. Been there and done that and yes, I got angry too.

I live with my 93 year old mom and for several months this past year she wouldn’t even get out of bed. I had in home therapists here 3 different times and she’d be ok with them but decline afterward.

I finally got the family to take notice of it in the spring of this year when she tried to pull it again. and she ended up in the hospital severely constipated.

The family was all all upset with her after second day being in bed soaked with piss when they literally picked her up and took her to ER. She’d been doing it for weeks at a time and I couldn’t budge her. When I told them they said, “she’s just old, tut tut.” They never even came to see us.

When she went to ER, She hadn’t gone to the bathroom for ten days and it took six more days before she finally had a bm in hospital. She could have been plugged up for weeks before that. I gave her a stool softener twice a day and thought I had it covered.

I dont know if that was the problem the other 3 times or not but I was in a constant state of rage. Yes, she lost a lot of mobility from it all. She’s diabetic but otherwise is healthy except for aches and pains.

I cant abide by someone acting helpless when they’re doing NOTHING to help themselves.

They create so much extra work for us then sit and whine about what they can’t do. Then she cried that I was so mean to her or hollared, “just let me die!”

I used to spend my days going to her bed and stamping my foot about her getting up all day every day, and try as I might to be civil to her I had to avoid her to keep from shouting at her, while I lived in a state of rage for months.

I love her and I don’t mind helping her even as she gets frailer every day. But I won’t stand around and watch her just give up and die right in front of me.

I kept thinking to myself myself during all that, “she’s not even sick! She’s here in her own home being taken care of, the bills are paid, there’s food in the fridge, she could go out and smell the roses if she would. Wtf is wrong with her?! She is so lucky compared to some poor old folks!”

I feel your pain. When she had physical therapist come in, the doctor ordered it for strength building and fall prevention.it was covered by her Medicare insurance carrier. Maybe you can try that.

Good luck, charlotte

What are you sorry for? Because you are a human and you cannot take the emotional roller coaster he is putting you on? He is old, he is stubborn, and it is going to get worse and worse until you end up like him. Perhaps you loved him at one time when he was more "normal" but it is obvious he is no longer that person. In the meantime, love the dog and feed the poor dog - not the dog's fault. Then find a place to put him where he can be cared for. And as to lashing out at him when he exhibits this horrible behavior, I'd be screaming at him too - because I am human and I should NOT have to accept or put up with this behavior, no matter what the reason or if he is God or the devil. Take care of yourself and that poor dog.

I hope it is, because I'm furious at this very moment.
Mom thinks everyone except her has changed when she doesn't get her way. She fires her sitter at least once a week, and I have to play referee between them. At this point, she refuses to wear hearing aids, and denies that we all have to shout at her at the top of our lungs in order for her to hear us. I'm going deaf from my tv volume being on 80-100 whenever she wants to watch her shows. I have seasons dvr'd because she refuses to even consider watching my shows. And yes, I feel really sorry and guilty for feeling this way. So if it's not normal, then you and I (and I bet almost everyone on this forum) are not normal. But I think it is normal, and WE deserve our feelings too.
I am also dealing with my 36 year old daughter being diagnosed with medullary thyroid cancer and her upcoming thyroidectomy, but I can't tell mom because I don't want to stress her out.

McDonald's, Burger King, or just about any fast food restaurant, library, Grocery store like Walmart,. They're always looking to hire older people. It gets them out of the house and doing something.

My 92 y/o mother has now decided she can barely move............was doing fine with a walker, etc, but now she can't sit up on her own. Barely moves from the chair and has become quite a load for the caregivers to deal with at the ALF where she lives. I called her yesterday and said the following: Mother, if you choose to become a vegetable, that will cause you to be bedridden. If you are bedridden, we will have no other choice but to put you into a nursing home and you won't be happy with that, will you? Now suck it up and do the physical therapy with the therapists instead of cancelling the appointments with one excuse or another. Do YOUR part or the choices will become severely limited.

You, my dear, will become unable to care for your father if he chooses to put himself into a vegetative state. You certainly cannot lift him up if/when he falls, so you'll have to call 911 each time. Once he's hospitalized, they may choose to only release him to a rehab facility if he is THAT immobilized. This is the future of HIS choice, so he needs to make some wise decisions. My mother is famous for saying things like, "Just throw me out in the street and let me rot" or "Just let me die in peace" or other ridiculously inappropriate remarks which only exacerbate an already tense situation. What they refuse to realize is we're trying to save them FROM themselves. It's sometimes a futile effort, isn't it?

You have my sympathy. Good luck

Hi there!
I don’t have any real advice, I just want to offer support. My mom is 93.. I live with her in her house and she does the exact same thing.

i get so frustrated because I feel she is so lucky to still have her health and mental facilities but she wants to just wither away away and die?

It ultimately falls to me to keep her going sometimes and I resent it so much! For her to want to give up and die when I’ve worked so hard to keep her alive?

Then sometimes I wonder how much more selfish can I get? Am I doing this for me or for her? Well, if she were in pain or had trouble breathing or some other medical problem I could understand better. It’s the not trying that gets me.

All i I can say to make you feel better is she goes in and out of behaving like this. She loses some strength every time she does this but she gets back on track depending on what she’s interested or how she feels about things at the time. I can’t keep things smooth around her. I wish I could, but I can’t control what the family is up to, or the news, or the weather. Being at home exposes her to life and that’s the good part of it for her, I’m certain of that.

I just have to share that lately, I see her sit in her chair and come up with things to get depressed about. She works herself into a good cry sometimes.

Thats hard to take but but at least she’s still moving around while she’s sad. It’s usually in response to me “yelling” at her. It’s true I have to yell all the time because she doesn’t wear her hearing aide. I need to watch my tone with her, I agree, one of my goals is to help her retain her dignity, and I need to keep mindful of that.

But its damned hard sometimes, that’s for sure.

Dear Julie,

Its hard caring for an elderly parent. Your feelings are completely understandable. Its hard seeing our parents like this because we wish so much things could be different. My dad was very stubborn. Towards the end, I just gave up on him. I let him be and after his passing, I felt this was horrible mistake.

Are you able to talk to his doctor? Arrange for him to join a senior's daycare? Or for him to get out into the community or to the mall? Just something to get him out of the house.

It could he is good and tired and just wants to stay home and watch TV.  Its just so hard and I wish it was easier, but I feel this is one of life's hardest journeys to see our parents age and decline.