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Or should I hold back some things? I feel sick at the thought of my first therapy appointment. Worried that I'll start rambling on like a lunatic, or start crying & not be able to stop. (Obvious that I've waited too long to get help?) I rarely trust anyone with how I feel, cuz that's how I ended up with that dam# lexapro (last month). Please answer before Friday (Nov 16) when I have the appt. Thanks.

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I've been going to therapy for a couple of years..

Dont worry about it. Your therapist will kind of lead you with questions .. or mine did. You shouldn't hold back.. and be truthful about how you feel.. it might feel good to get that off your chest... if you cry .. you cry.. I have cried many times in my sessions..
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
What a relief, thank you katiekay😳.
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Don't worry Tiger your therapist will lead you gently and the first few sessions will be about getting to know you. If you feel uncomfortable with this therapist it's perfectly OK to tell them you don't feel comfortable working with them and find someone else. Just relax and cry if you need to they always have boxes of tissues handy. Just be hones and if you don't like a question just say you are not ready to talk about that yet.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Really? I'm not sure I know how to evaluate a therapist cuz the last one simply said "encouraging lines", (while she kept looking @her phone).
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Yes it is normal.

When you get there, just picture how many different people have also walked through that door to their first ever therapy session, and how they all will have been wondering the same things.

It is your therapist's job to earn your trust. Let her or him guide you and just see how it goes.

And don't forget to tell us how you get on! Big hugs, hope it goes well.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
That's true! But I probably wouldn't want to be the therapist, cuz it seems like it would get either boring or depressing. Yikes!
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Nervous is normal. Just go with the flow. If you have a big meltdown or ramble, that's OK . They are used to it You wouldn't be the first one who did that. Hopefully this will be the start of some healing for you. (((((hugs)))) Let us know how it goes.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thanks so much, will do☺
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Just lending my support to you Tiger55 in advance of your appointment. You are taking a step that I am looking to do for myself. I have the same anxiety, and assume I'll blab non-stop for the first 20 minutes unloading what I've been carrying around about my family my entire life. Then he'll just be sitting there with his mouth open not knowing what to do. It will be awkward, and I'll regret the whole thing.
I think advice here is good to maybe start small, and let the therapist guide you. I assume you will get a pretty good feeling whether you are comfortable sharing more with this person. Trust your instincts. I hope you find healing through this process.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Yes! That's exactly what I also think will happen, lol. (Worried that the therapist will need a therapist when I'm done!(Yikes). 😬 lol,🙋☺
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Hope this doesn’t sound crass, but it’s always a comfort to me to realize that my therapist is MY EMPLOYEE. I am paying him/her to help me pull apart the threads of confusion that are blocking my way to clearer thinking.
I have RARELY dealt with a poor therapist, but I left two when I felt we had completed all the work I needed to do.
I would LOVE to be able to cry in a therapy session. In fact, the next time I go, I may ask my therapist to help me figure out why it’s so difficult for me to do so.
Thank You for the helpful suggestion, Tiger55.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
That is fascinating Ann Reid☺,(that the therapist is our employee)! That helps a lot, & glad my 'crying issues' were helpful to you also😀. It's just hard for me to trust anyone, so therapy scares me. God bless you for helping, ✌💞🌷🙋
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I can answer your question as a licensed therapist and as a caregiver of a husband who has had a stroke and now has dementia. No you have not waited too long. Sure you are nervous, and yes this is completely normal. Your therapist is trained to guide you and the session through your emotional roller coaster. I believe you will feel a tremendous weight lifted off your shoulders with sharing your issues, concerns, fears with your therapist. You have made the right decision.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Without everyone's help, I doubt I would be going, but I trust you guy's advice & kind hearts🌸✌🙋
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Don't worry. I thought I would be a gibbering wreck when I first went for some counselling/therapy sessions. I was offered 10 free sessions via a charity here in the UK. I spread them out over nearly a year, so I was very lucky.
My therapist was very kind, she gently led me to talk about whatever I wanted to talk about, and let me cry when I needed to. Boxes of tissues are always at hand. I was lucky that I found her to be very empathic as her dad had also suffered from Alzheimer's, which was why I chose her.
I'm sure your therapist will be totally understanding of what you need to "get off your chest", and they are trained to deal with all that they hear from us.
Good luck!
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Amazing how people can be therapists! It's beyond me.✌
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I feel for you. I've not yet gone to a therapist but when my mother was suddenly diagnosed with a terminal illness, I had several meltdowns from the overwhelming stress of the situation and stress from my work (customer service, very busy store, long hours, had to keep a smiley face on even when I just wanted to cry the whole day... terrible stuff lol?)

I went to 3 different doctors spread out over a span of 3 months on the days where I felt like I really could not function anymore. Only ONE of them really listened, really comforted me, really gave me solid solutions to consider, and really made me feel like hey--this sort of emotional distress is NORMAL. And that there is nothing wrong with ME to feel like this. He also told me that I could come back to him anytime I needed. It really made me feel so much better.

As for the other two doctors... I felt like they could not understand the situation AT ALL and as a result I felt like I had to "keep myself in order" in front of them and not "waste their time." Which should NOT be the case when we are a PATIENT. At my lowest, with one of the unsympathetic doctors I clammed up entirely and thought to myself "if I went out of this place now and threw myself in front of a car, you wouldn't even care, would you?"

My advice to you is that you should feel free to pour your heart out. A good therapist shouldn't be making you feel like you are being judged. Neither should you feel like you have to hold yourself back because of THEM. If they do make you feel that way, or in any way that gives you discomfort, CHANGE your therapist immediately. Nobody should make you feel worse when you are already at your lowest, especially not when they are supposed to be there to help us with our emotional distress.

Another thing I would suggest, is to perhaps write down your thoughts first before going to your therapist. And bring it along. So if it makes you really nervous to speak to the therapist directly, you could then ask if you could just read from your letter? And be honest with your therapist that you are terrified about your first experience--hopefully then, they will know how to be extra gentle with you.

I believe I read this somewhere on this forum: for self care, we should get our care and support from those who can give it to us, and not keep on trying to get it from those who cannot give it to us. Be it for family, friends, or the therapist of our choice, I think the same golden logic applies.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
So true! Its human to be sad sometimes, or to go off the "deep end" sometimes (as my dad used 2 say). Also my whole life was summed-up in what you said: I looked for care & support from parents (who couldn't give it), & later from a spouse who couldn't give it, & recently from a Dr who couldn't give it. But still, lots of people have had it harder than I have, in life. Thanks so much☺🙋
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If you are worry about rambling on--don't! They are use to people coming in nervous, feeling overwhelmed and even those who talk so fast that you think they don't breath as they are speaking. The therapist knows what to do to claim people down.
But only talk about you are comfortable with as of now. You will warm up to him/her in your own time and she/he will know this. Take one session at a time.

You can and probably need this. You will be fine! This is a great step in the right direction.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
God I hope you're right friend, thanks for your kindness.☺🙋
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Good gosh...they’ve seen it all. And they have techniques to guide you. And crying??? This is why they have boxes of Kleenex in their offices. I’ve had several therapists over my many years and yes, crying is normal. Please know you are taking a step in the right direction. I applaud you!! You’re taking care of yourself and that is what matters.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thank you, I'm not used to doing self care, even when I was younger I just worked like a dog & took care of everyone in my family constantly. But old age has caught up with me, & I don't have the strength anymore. So I feel kinda lost with no role left to play. You guys are probably better than a therapist! ✌☺🌸💞🙋🌷
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Are there therapist that specialize in helping caregivers.
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Rabanette Nov 2018
Any therapist should be adept at helping a caregiver but some may be more experienced with senior situations.
You can ask a geriatric MD for recommendations.
It takes more than one professional to help me with all that is happening.
Accept any help you can get.
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Great thread, great replies! tiger, I’m so psyched for you and I think and hope you’ve inspired a few others to take the step themselves. I’ve been going to a counselor on and off for several years, and can’t say enough about having a truly safe place and one that’s focused only on you. Even if we have friends to listen and provide support, it’s not the same. We are all the kooks you’re afraid you are :) if that’s on okay way to say it. We have complicated emotions that often don’t get the necessary outlet. You are right on time - be proud of yourself, and make the most of it. You can tell a counselor anything - as others have said, just follow your own comfort level. That includes telling the person that you got feelings when they answered you about something - “that felt like you disapprove of me.” I felt and said that once, and the communication got even better after that.
Good luck!!
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thats so true! I've never felt that I had a safe place to speak freely, even as a child. Then later, in every relationship, I was the "people pleaser", I avoided conflict, & sunk deeper &deeper into dissatisfaction. Probably why I have such low expectations for therapy, but I'm getting a new outlook thanks to you all✌☺
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I was nervous, too. What I did was to write down everything I wanted to talk to him. After all, I was paying per session and did not want to forget anything. Making a list also helped me to make a kind of auto-analysis. So, if you are afraid to ramble, the list may help. Just read from it.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thats exactly what I'd really like to do, cuz it makes sure I'm focusing on what gave me trouble & what solutions may help for next time. Lately I'm afraid to even sit across from my ex, cuz it aggravates the sh#t out of me. Makes it hard to visit my kids. Thanks☺✌🌷🌸💞
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I feel as if my therapist is my guide, like a little Tinkerbell who sits on my shoulder wherever I go. I've been seeing her for 3 years and she's fantastic. I hope you find one who is just as good.

You can sit down at your appt and just tell the therapist how nervous you are. They are trained and experienced.

Tiger, they have seen and heard it all. There is very little you can say to a therapist that will cause surprise or shock.

I see many suggestions to write down your thoughts before you go to your first appt and I concur. Bring that with you and refer to it as needed.

Totally normal to be nervous. Wishing you good luck.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Yeah, I would like to write a few things that seem important to me, & bring it to my visit. (I think that would help me with the urge to cry also). I'd rather text the whole session, to tell you the truth, but that's cuz I'm not good at sharing.✌
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The very first time I saw a therapist, I just cried. It took a long time before I could even talk with her.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
I agree, the crying is what I dread, (cuz it's too hard to stop). Thanks for your share.☺🌸🌷💞🙋
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Just be yourself.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
I know you're right, but being myself never sounds right to me. (Maybe after a few visits I could attempt it).Thanks☺
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It’s VERY normal to be anxious for your first therapy appointment. It will very likely take time to learn to trust your therapist - as a therapist myself, I’d be a little concerned about a new client that trusted me right off the bat. Pay close attention to how you feel with this new therapist and if anything doesn’t feel right (not including just feeling uncomfortable with a new situation & talking about your feelings) keep searching until you find the right fit. A good therapeutic relationship is the most critical factor in assisting the healing work that can happen.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
That's encouraging, thanks, I hope I can find that person I can relate with.🌷
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You have received lots of great advice.

Just a couple things to add, therapy takes time, it is not a quick fix and when I started I was impatient for things to be 'better'.

You may be asked to challenge your assumptions, examine where your feelings are rooted and it may be hard. If you come out feeling like you have had a chat with a friend that agrees with everything you say, then it is not likely you have done the hard work.

Don't be surprised if you come out of some of your sessions feeling worse than when you went in. This means you are working on the hard stuff and things will improve. You may reach a point after several sessions, the number varies by person, where you feel you are being asked to work on things that are hard, painful or perhaps do not feel relevant. Keep going, this can be the point of a breakthrough.

If a therapist suggests a technique for calming yourself and it does not 'work' or feel like a good fit, ask about other techniques. Tapping is a therapy that works for some, but not for me. Some techniques for self calming are meant as daily exercises, others for when you are feeling overwhelmed.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Yes, I don't have a lot of patience, so thanks for letting me know about the difficulties. Sometimes my reflex is to quit too soon, (mostly because it's hard for me to trust them). 😬
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It’s okay to be apprehensive on your first visit with a new therapist. I have seen 9 over 40 years. Talk therapy works much better than drugs for my Major Depression.
I’ve been seeing my current one for 6 years after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s and raising a grandson part time.
My father died a week ago and having a long term, objective voice in my life is worth every dollar, every mile, every minute during this difficult time. As usual his advice was insightful. When I did some little test he was right too.
BUT, if your appointment doesn’t fill good, if your gut is hesitant, you might not have a good fit. Look for another person. It’s okay.
Good luck with the process. I hope you find comfort.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thanks☺, I'll make sure I keep looking if this one feels wrong. I never would have had these insights, so glad for all your help!
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The first thing you will notice when you walk into any therapist's office is a box of Kleenex. It's there for a reason. Believe me they have heard it all, and yes you can tell them anything. If that does not turn out to be true find another therapist! And if you feel the Lexapro is not for you, speak up! I too have tried these medications (even though I tell the docs I only feel ANXIETY, not DEPRESSION) they still push this crap on people. It's not for everyone. Hopefully just talking to someone who doesn't judge will make you feel better. Good luck. I had a bad time with caretaker issues, I had three elders going downhill at once in my family with no one else to care for them. One has since passed and the other two have been placed in facilities and the burden is much less now. You'll get through this!!! Good luck.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thanks so much☺, (I had to tell my p.c. Dr yesterday) that the lexapro was awful for me, & he said didn't need to "taper off", just stop. Well that's contrary to every thing I've read, & I told him that too. (So of course he allowed me to taper off). He plays pretty fast & loose with the drugs, I think. I had 6 wks of lexapro hell & I never even was depressed! (I just have anxiety). Sad that American medicine has really declined into drug dealing. God bless you all for helping, cuz I sure can't ask this stuff at church! 💘 love, 🙋✌🌸M.
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I have had 4 therapists in my life, so far that is. I would say, feel the person out to see if they are a good fit for you. Remember, your first visit is sort of like a job interview, you are deciding if you want to hire them or not. They may have the knowledge to help you, but is their personality a good fit.

My first therapist got me into going. I had her for 5 visits paid for by my agency. I realized her expertise was learning disabled children, not what I had going on. Then the second one I had for 3 years. He helped me so much, but, he didn't have the tools to help me through a divorce and learning to live on my own. The third one did that, she was crazy, but she was what I needed for that time of my life. The last one wasn't a good fit for me, but accomplished the goal I was after.

I think about it this way, I needed help to learn algebra, help to learn to sew, I needed help to learn to put myself first part of the time, and my therapists did that. I had a emotional abusive mother and then husband, I needed the tools to stand up for myself and leave.

My hat is off to you for taking this step.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thats very helpful, thank you for sharing your experience.☺✌
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People here gave many supportive answers! You can see therapy can be really helpful. I see it as my friends are NOT trained to do that 'work', so I told my therapist what I needed from her. I was making a list of items to discuss each week and would say " Today I want to talk about......", now I can relax enough to ask her "What do you mean?" and elicit more from her viewpoint. I see it as her giving me comments back too, I do not want a silent person (some think of a bored 'movie' version psychiatrist who just nods and looks out a window). I DID choose one who is my older age and has life and therapy experience, I was offered a 23 yr old student intern once--at 65 dealing with major life issues I said no way... her 'book learning' was not enough.They all have to get the 3500 hours in for licensing, but I still said no to a 'free' therapist. Good luck, and keep notes for yourself so you can see your journey over time.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thats great advice, I didn't know about an of that. Thanks☺.
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Prepare with a list of your concerns. You'll be able to tell if the person is the correct medical professional for YOU quite soon. IMHO, some are not suited for the job. If you find that she or he is well suited for your needs, I wouldn't hold back info, else how would they know how to treat you?
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
I do think it's a great idea to make a list of topics I'd want to cover. That way the priorities are addressed sooner, & I can feel like I have direction. I'm still intimidated by interviewing the therapists to see if they are a "good fit". But I know I have to try anyway.☺✌🙋
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When I was diagnosed with severe major depressive disorder I though the doctors were crazy, because I wasn't "sad", or "slowed down"--I was revved up like you wouldn't believe--could not sleep AT ALL, could not stop crying--I was assured that it was depression but that there was an anxiety component to it. I was prescribed Lexapro at first and it made me frantic in the morning and euphoric in the evening and I still couldn't sleep so they switched me to zoloft at a low dose. Each time I increased the dose I had terrible anxiety especially in the mornings for 10 days or a couple of weeks and one morning I'd wake up and think hey, it's not so bad! After about two months of this I suddenly realized I'd had a positive thought, just for a moment--fleeting. So that's the dose I stayed at. Eventually the positive thoughts started to blend together and I realized how far down in the dumps I'd been. I've heard that the average depressed person tries four antidepressants before hitting on one that works for them, and it takes some getting used to for most of us. But when it finally started to "work"--oh my goodness. What a difference. But I didn't take it in a vacuum--I continued to see my therapist and work on changing my thinking. Don't rule out antidepressant medication based on one trial. Everybody's different. And it can be a godsend. p.s. I decided to try life without it, withdrew slowly (over a period of several years) and within a few months of stopping I had an episode of depression worse than the first one. Had to go through the whole thing of working up to a therapeutic dose again. That was 10 years ago and I'm not going to stop it again any time soon. In the beginning I was resistant to the idea of medication but the therapist said that the point of the medication was to get me calmed down enough to work on the problem! Also said that the medication would deal with the anxiety as well as the depression, which it did.
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Enough about medication! I also want to encourage you to go ahead and let yourself cry at the therapist's office. As has been said here before, there's a reason they always have a box of kleenex! People don't just wake up in the morning feeling all bright and chirpy and say "Gee, I think I'll find a therapist today." Usually it's because we've tried and tried to "fix ourselves" and have finally come to the conclusion that we cannot. At my first session I cried and wailed through the whole thing! My therapist then calmly told me what methodologies she employed and said that she thought that it would take about six months to recover. SIX MONTHS! That seemed absolutely IMPOSSIBLE at the time (I thought I belonged in a hospital). But with her kind guidance I was able to really take a good look at things and I really DID get better over a period of months.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thats encouraging! I'm so glad it worked well for you also☺.
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Having said all that, I think I'm in the market for a therapist again. And I'd like somebody OLDER than I am, with CAREGIVING EXPERIENCE. Trying to take a deep breath and make time to search for this person.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
I hope you find the right person, I think everyone here has much more patience than I do in doing the research required. But I did actively look for work today, filled out applications, made calls, & online searches. More on Monday probably. I'm sure that working would be great therapy for me in itself, just to keep busy & interact with people. Passing the time is otherwise maddening, cuz I'm not an exercize junkie like my neighbors, nor will I volunteer anymore. (I've used online shopping as an unfortunate therapy for several months, & need some money)! You all are so great, & I'm fortunate to have found such a kind "support group". God bless everyone☺🙋.
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My last therapist was actually recommended to me by my mom's geriatric care manager. Therapist specialized in caregiver issues. Mom had Alzheimer's disease and I was her caregiver. Sounded ideal. I was really very concerned as I was afraid the therapist would know my twisted sis that was the cause of many of my issues and is a therapist herself. My therapist and I talked on the phone first before setting an appointment and disclosed she did know ts1. That did not bother me once I was able to chat with my therapist.

Once we sat down, I became comfortable with her almost immediately. Actually it was a very interesting experience and I always wondered what she thought of ts1 when she saw her.😵 TS1 is freaking crazy and self absorbed and a narcissist. Wondered how her clients felt about her. But, no matter.

So, my advice is to just take your time. If you do not feel comfortable, that is ok, and they have all had this happen. You are the one that needs to feel comfortable as that is the only way you will be helped.

And do not underestimate the other caregivers here, they are here for you any time of day or night, and also are able to be your sounding board. Good luck tomorrow.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Yes that would be wonderful, to feel safe & comfortable with someone. I'm very goal oriented though, so just sharing my feelings isn't what I'm after. I usually feel worse after talking about my troubles, & would rather set goals to build a better life for myself. Supportive & realistic guidance on how to do that would be great! ☺🙋🌸
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Like many others, give it a go. Let your real self out. They are there to help you understand what your issues are and hopefully how to cope with them. Regarding Lexapro, I have been on it for many years. Not so bad. My issue was really anger management, but now that my wife is on the long journey, it helps me to keep my cool with all of the associated ALZ frustrations. Hope all works out for you.
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thanks, I agree that I too need some medical help (Rx), but can't tolerate lexapro. If I get a job soon, I think I'll be better, & have begun applying. It's been a year since I've worked, & hope I can handle learning something new. (Just coffee shop or fast food, or daycare job probably). Just want something close to home, cuz winters are pretty rough here. 👢❄Thanks to everyone here, I feel hopeful.☺ 💞🙋🌸
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I can understand your apprehension/nervousness. I myself decided it was time for me to talk to someone. I was a little nervous as well. I am always the one helping others and now I need help with the stress of this caregiver lifestyle. My first meeting was on Thursday. Once I sat down and gave a quick statement as to why I was seeking counseling, I felt at ease. I felt like I should have been getting therapy sooner. I hope your session goes well and you feel comfortable enough to return .
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anonymous828521 Nov 2018
Thanks, glad your therapy got off to a good start. Mine didn't go so well today. Turns out the guy is a marriage counselor, (but his profile didn't list that). I chose him from listing of christian counselors, cuz that's what I wanted. But since I'm not married, it seems best I look elsewhere. I do feel discouraged though.
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