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Or should I hold back some things? I feel sick at the thought of my first therapy appointment. Worried that I'll start rambling on like a lunatic, or start crying & not be able to stop. (Obvious that I've waited too long to get help?) I rarely trust anyone with how I feel, cuz that's how I ended up with that dam# lexapro (last month). Please answer before Friday (Nov 16) when I have the appt. Thanks.

I feel for you. I've not yet gone to a therapist but when my mother was suddenly diagnosed with a terminal illness, I had several meltdowns from the overwhelming stress of the situation and stress from my work (customer service, very busy store, long hours, had to keep a smiley face on even when I just wanted to cry the whole day... terrible stuff lol?)

I went to 3 different doctors spread out over a span of 3 months on the days where I felt like I really could not function anymore. Only ONE of them really listened, really comforted me, really gave me solid solutions to consider, and really made me feel like hey--this sort of emotional distress is NORMAL. And that there is nothing wrong with ME to feel like this. He also told me that I could come back to him anytime I needed. It really made me feel so much better.

As for the other two doctors... I felt like they could not understand the situation AT ALL and as a result I felt like I had to "keep myself in order" in front of them and not "waste their time." Which should NOT be the case when we are a PATIENT. At my lowest, with one of the unsympathetic doctors I clammed up entirely and thought to myself "if I went out of this place now and threw myself in front of a car, you wouldn't even care, would you?"

My advice to you is that you should feel free to pour your heart out. A good therapist shouldn't be making you feel like you are being judged. Neither should you feel like you have to hold yourself back because of THEM. If they do make you feel that way, or in any way that gives you discomfort, CHANGE your therapist immediately. Nobody should make you feel worse when you are already at your lowest, especially not when they are supposed to be there to help us with our emotional distress.

Another thing I would suggest, is to perhaps write down your thoughts first before going to your therapist. And bring it along. So if it makes you really nervous to speak to the therapist directly, you could then ask if you could just read from your letter? And be honest with your therapist that you are terrified about your first experience--hopefully then, they will know how to be extra gentle with you.

I believe I read this somewhere on this forum: for self care, we should get our care and support from those who can give it to us, and not keep on trying to get it from those who cannot give it to us. Be it for family, friends, or the therapist of our choice, I think the same golden logic applies.
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Tiger55 Nov 15, 2018
So true! Its human to be sad sometimes, or to go off the "deep end" sometimes (as my dad used 2 say). Also my whole life was summed-up in what you said: I looked for care & support from parents (who couldn't give it), & later from a spouse who couldn't give it, & recently from a Dr who couldn't give it. But still, lots of people have had it harder than I have, in life. Thanks so much☺🙋
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Good gosh...they’ve seen it all. And they have techniques to guide you. And crying??? This is why they have boxes of Kleenex in their offices. I’ve had several therapists over my many years and yes, crying is normal. Please know you are taking a step in the right direction. I applaud you!! You’re taking care of yourself and that is what matters.
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Tiger55 Nov 15, 2018
Thank you, I'm not used to doing self care, even when I was younger I just worked like a dog & took care of everyone in my family constantly. But old age has caught up with me, & I don't have the strength anymore. So I feel kinda lost with no role left to play. You guys are probably better than a therapist! ✌☺🌸💞🙋🌷
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Great thread, great replies! tiger, I’m so psyched for you and I think and hope you’ve inspired a few others to take the step themselves. I’ve been going to a counselor on and off for several years, and can’t say enough about having a truly safe place and one that’s focused only on you. Even if we have friends to listen and provide support, it’s not the same. We are all the kooks you’re afraid you are :) if that’s on okay way to say it. We have complicated emotions that often don’t get the necessary outlet. You are right on time - be proud of yourself, and make the most of it. You can tell a counselor anything - as others have said, just follow your own comfort level. That includes telling the person that you got feelings when they answered you about something - “that felt like you disapprove of me.” I felt and said that once, and the communication got even better after that.
Good luck!!
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Tiger55 Nov 15, 2018
Thats so true! I've never felt that I had a safe place to speak freely, even as a child. Then later, in every relationship, I was the "people pleaser", I avoided conflict, & sunk deeper &deeper into dissatisfaction. Probably why I have such low expectations for therapy, but I'm getting a new outlook thanks to you all✌☺
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I've been going to therapy for a couple of years..

Dont worry about it. Your therapist will kind of lead you with questions .. or mine did. You shouldn't hold back.. and be truthful about how you feel.. it might feel good to get that off your chest... if you cry .. you cry.. I have cried many times in my sessions..
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Tiger55 Nov 13, 2018
What a relief, thank you katiekay😳.
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If you are worry about rambling on--don't! They are use to people coming in nervous, feeling overwhelmed and even those who talk so fast that you think they don't breath as they are speaking. The therapist knows what to do to claim people down.
But only talk about you are comfortable with as of now. You will warm up to him/her in your own time and she/he will know this. Take one session at a time.

You can and probably need this. You will be fine! This is a great step in the right direction.
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Tiger55 Nov 15, 2018
God I hope you're right friend, thanks for your kindness.☺🙋
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Don't worry Tiger your therapist will lead you gently and the first few sessions will be about getting to know you. If you feel uncomfortable with this therapist it's perfectly OK to tell them you don't feel comfortable working with them and find someone else. Just relax and cry if you need to they always have boxes of tissues handy. Just be hones and if you don't like a question just say you are not ready to talk about that yet.
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Tiger55 Nov 14, 2018
Really? I'm not sure I know how to evaluate a therapist cuz the last one simply said "encouraging lines", (while she kept looking @her phone).
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Nervous is normal. Just go with the flow. If you have a big meltdown or ramble, that's OK . They are used to it You wouldn't be the first one who did that. Hopefully this will be the start of some healing for you. (((((hugs)))) Let us know how it goes.
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Tiger55 Nov 14, 2018
Thanks so much, will do☺
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Just lending my support to you Tiger55 in advance of your appointment. You are taking a step that I am looking to do for myself. I have the same anxiety, and assume I'll blab non-stop for the first 20 minutes unloading what I've been carrying around about my family my entire life. Then he'll just be sitting there with his mouth open not knowing what to do. It will be awkward, and I'll regret the whole thing.
I think advice here is good to maybe start small, and let the therapist guide you. I assume you will get a pretty good feeling whether you are comfortable sharing more with this person. Trust your instincts. I hope you find healing through this process.
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Tiger55 Nov 14, 2018
Yes! That's exactly what I also think will happen, lol. (Worried that the therapist will need a therapist when I'm done!(Yikes). 😬 lol,🙋☺
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Hope this doesn’t sound crass, but it’s always a comfort to me to realize that my therapist is MY EMPLOYEE. I am paying him/her to help me pull apart the threads of confusion that are blocking my way to clearer thinking.
I have RARELY dealt with a poor therapist, but I left two when I felt we had completed all the work I needed to do.
I would LOVE to be able to cry in a therapy session. In fact, the next time I go, I may ask my therapist to help me figure out why it’s so difficult for me to do so.
Thank You for the helpful suggestion, Tiger55.
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Tiger55 Nov 14, 2018
That is fascinating Ann Reid☺,(that the therapist is our employee)! That helps a lot, & glad my 'crying issues' were helpful to you also😀. It's just hard for me to trust anyone, so therapy scares me. God bless you for helping, ✌💞🌷🙋
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I can answer your question as a licensed therapist and as a caregiver of a husband who has had a stroke and now has dementia. No you have not waited too long. Sure you are nervous, and yes this is completely normal. Your therapist is trained to guide you and the session through your emotional roller coaster. I believe you will feel a tremendous weight lifted off your shoulders with sharing your issues, concerns, fears with your therapist. You have made the right decision.
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Tiger55 Nov 15, 2018
Without everyone's help, I doubt I would be going, but I trust you guy's advice & kind hearts🌸✌🙋
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