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It has been 3 moths since my mother has died and I am an emotional mess. I cry at the drop of a hat with anyone I may be talking to. I walk thru the grocery store and see items I used to buy for her and feel sad or cry. I don't remember things that I have done a few months ago. Making decision is difficult. I am also handling packing, selling, donating items in my parents house and looking for a new home. I can't live in their home forever, we will sell it, but I feel sad at the thought of leaving this house. I don't remember being this messed up when my father died 3.5 years ago, but maybe I was. I just miss my mother so much.

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I am sorry for your loss, HanaLee. Be gentle to yourself. You had rearranged your life to take care of your mom and now your life is kind of unfocused. Take care of yourself, treat yourself to something YOU like that isn't associated with your mom.
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Yes it's normal, but hopefully it will pass, with time and you can hold on to the good memories.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Prayers and Blessings.
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My father unexpectedly dropped dead in his asparagus patch 3 weeks after I had had my first child.

He was the most loving person in my world.

It happened 40 years ago, and I still feel that loss, and the loss of my grandpa, (Dad’s father) more keenly than any others I’ve encountered through my life.

My mom, disabled and in residential care, died at 95, and although we had built many sweet bridges in the last years of her life, her death was a release and Blessing.

I don’t think there’s really any way to “prepare” before an anticipated death, and even less if the death was unexpected.

I was an indescribable mess for 3 years when my father died, and in retrospect my husband and I assume that there were also 2 horrific periods of post parturition depression, including a one week (useless) hospitalization.

I wish I had had access to a grief support counselor and more sympathetic friends and a shrink who had training in “complex grief”, but I didn’t.

There are some guidelines for grief, but no “rules”. Look for someone who will let you talk out everything you feel. Your feelings are normal.
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Yes it's normal. My 91yr old mother is alive and I do the same thing as you. Dad passed in 2016. I'm sorry your mom is gone. Please take care 《hugs》
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Yes, yes, and yes

There's no strict timeline to grieving, it's different for every person, but still being in an "emotional mess" after only three months I'd think is pretty much universal.
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Normal, but if it's getting in the way of living day-to-day, then it might be time to look into a grief group.

You probably weren't like that after Dad's death because you had to worry about Mom. That's how it was for me.
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Sounds like you are feeling normal reactions to your mom's death and with everything you have to deal with. I hope you can ask someone to help you, especially sorting the decades of junk--oops, I mean collectibles. Keep photos, toss mildewed crocheted items. Keep letters, toss towels you remember from your childhood. You can really get stuck in a time warp going through it all by yourself. Having someone there will help you stay in the 21st century. Good luck!
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HanaLee Nov 2022
No, it's just me. And it has been very emotional when I come across things that my mother saved from the beginning of time. I cry when I go through that stuff. Letters, cards, books. I read or look at them, cry, save one or 2 of them and toss out the rest. Came across my old baptism outfit yesterday, so pretty and delicate and congratulatory cards about the new baby. I am 62. It's that stuff that really gets to me. My mother was a saver of things, and throwing them out initially felt like I was getting rid of a part of her.
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