Is it normal practice to make residents in assisted living go to bed at a certain time?

Thanks so much for the update. What a shame y’all had to go through this! As if you don’t have enough to worry about. Anyway, I am happy you found a different center for your loved one! Very best wishes. Lynn

Thanks for the update. Glad u found Mom another place. Also glad that others had problems so u know it wasn't just Mom and you.

I am the person who posted the question. But, I did not know how to answer people. What do I click on?

Short answers: 1. The facility had state inspectors interviewing residents three days later. I did not call. Another family called about their issues. Mom refused to talk to them because she said she did not want the employees to yell at her. I found out about it a week later.
2. The facility has case managers who know how to say sweet, agreeable words, but never bring anything to a satisfactory conclusion. Their answer is always that Mom is the problem or telling stories.
3. I have found another AL residence for my mother. By the way it is almost half the cost of what she was paying for disrespectful care.
4. I am very grateful for all of the answers supplied. You all helped me gain perspective and courage.

First, do you have Power of Attorney for medical and financial decisions? If you possess the medical POA, they absolutely should not be giving your mother anything not approved by you or her doctor. No one at my mother's assisted living residence makes her, or anyone else, go to bed at a certain time. I would meet with the director and wellness director of your mother's facility and clarify their policies. It is never very helpful to talk to the "on the floor" staff alone.

I think this OP vanished. Not posting anything else on this post.

I had never heard of residents being forced to go to bed at a certain time.   I have heard that at 8:00PM it is quiet time and residents are supposed to stay in their rooms and not go into the common areas as they were closed off.  This was mostly due to many residents being asleep and limited staff...more so for the peace and safety of residents.    I think it is highly odd that a grown adult would be forced to go to bed...especially in their own room.  I would contact the administration.

Have we heard from the OP at all since the initial post?

Reading these posts makes my stomach turn. This is exactly what I don’t want to happen to my mom. Her mother lived to be 100-spent 20 years in a facility. At first things were good, but the last few years she was treated poorly. They lost her dentures and they couldn’t be replaced, so they gave her baby food. She often had bruises on her arms, but begged my mom not to tell. She knew there would be ramifications. They plugged her tv into the outlet that was controlled by the wall switch and turned it off every night. Every time she turned it back on the tv needed to be reprogrammed and they wouldn’t do it, so she couldn’t watch tv until we came. She lived 90 minutes from us and there was little we could do, visiting only once a month. My mom’s friend went to a home and hated it, so she refused to eat and passed away. My father in law did the exact same thing a couple years ago since he couldn’t go back home. Today I’ve had a barrage of phone calls from mom’s doctor and other facilities since we took her in last Friday and the doctor decided she’s unsafe in her apartment. I hope I never need to put her in a facility. I’m going to hire help. Luckily she’s only 5 minutes away from me! Sending hugs to you all ❤️

Report exactly what you have told us to your long term care ombudsman.

My head is spinning too much for me to begin listing what the facility is doing wrong.

Been almost a week, wonder if OP has talked to the Administrator.

Definitely check out the pills is the first thing you should do .Trust me then start asking some questions..Residents have rights they are not Children that are told to go to bed at a certain time..If your Mother is walking on her own and can some what take care of her needs then by all means she should be able to watch her TV if it isn't blaring to disrupt others. Do not be afraid to speak up.

no

That's not right.  Your mother should be able to go to bed whenever she wants...especially in her own apartment/room.  I would understand if she was wandering the halls or going into the dining room that was closed, etc.. but to say she can't even watch the evening news in her own space...that's none of their damn business.  Yes, some medications do cause drowsiness, but why can't she get drowsy while watching the news?  It is very difficult to believe everything that comes out of the mouth of someone with dementia, but since you witnessed it yourself...there is no doubt.  Not sure I would allow my mom to stay at a place like that. They should be "assisting" her with tasks should she need it, not controlling her.

Your mother is unhappy and her patient rights are being violated. I would recommend starting up the chain of command: nurse manager or director of nursing, administrator, ombudsman. The aide definitely needs to be re-educated but it sounds like the problem is widespread on the evening/night shift, based on her response to you. I’m sure they will implement a plan of action to rectify the issue. It may not fix everything, but it should make it better for your Mom.

Your parent has rights, my mom always was a nite owl and is in AL, she gets her time very mixed up, so she could be getting ready at 3 in the morning. The aids just let her go, she might even watch TV with them. The aid had NO right talking to her that way, of course you should complain, don't let them get away with it, they just don't want to deal with them.

Wow! The Assisted Living group home I placed my Mother/Step-father ONLY make sure those residents who have medications which DO CAUSE DROWSINESS are bathed, night clothes on, and comfortable in bed. If they want to watch TV, no issue. Every room has cable TV.
My Mother has always loved watching the news, but she has Alzheimers and her meds fo cause her to fall asleep before the 10:00pm news as well as my step-father.
The staff makes sure that they are safely in bed and turn off the TV for the night.
Neither Mom nor Step-father are given sleeping aides whatsoever.
I've been there at dinner time, those who can eat together in the dining room, until almost midnight. Not 1 person is given a sleeping side, not 1.
My 1 sister gets upset and will text me and ask why Mom is always asleep when she calls. Not a difficult thing to understand sister. Mom sleeps almost 24/7. Sister calls at lunchtime when the staff is trying to make sure everyone is eating without difficulty. Or, she calls after 10:00pm and Mom's meds have kicked in so Mom is asleep. The 1 side tells me that she can tell what time it is at night because my sister calls at the same time every night. Yeppers, I was home for Mom's birthday and sister calls at 10:00pm. Bridget picked up the phone and said, this is your sister and it was!
She wanted Bridget to wake Mom so she could tell her happy birthday. I took the phone and told her that wasn't going to happen because Mom was sound asleep and waking her is not good for people with Alzheimers because they're already lost in their minds.
Get a list of the meds your Mom is being given BY THE HEAD NURSE. Is Mom being seen by her GP or does the nursing home have a contracted doctor? Have your doctor's nurse or any person who can legally draw blood form panels to go with you.

Yes, there are facilities that give sleeping aides so they aren't bothered during the night. Very similar when parents give their children Benedril.

I'm lucky our daughter is an RN, so she reads the panels for me to make sure that the list of meds given to Mom show up in the panels.

Yes you should be suspicious. My mother spent many months last year in rehab. Regardless of the soothsaying we give ourselves. These places must be monitored. Kudos to you for being present with your mom to identify a problem. Seek out other families and try to identify if this is a problem employee or if it’s a cultural problem at the center. We’ve experienced both. You have a right to expect your mom be treated with kindness, reverence, and respect. She is not a child. Inquire with an ombudsman in your area. They may be aware if this is a cultural problem. These places don’t pay much at all, but the residents do pay much even if on Medicaid. They should be treated with respect regardless. I never felt so helpless as when my mother was in a rehab here in Memphis last year.

again, thank you for being present in your moms care.

Contact the Ombudsman and voice your concerns NOW. Patients have rights! How outrageous that your mother was spoken to in such a tone and then when the nurse/staffer saw you, she changed her voice!

Holy cow! My mom wouldn’t last a day there, but I wouldn’t have picked a place like that either. My mom is up at 3:00 AM watching tv and working a puzzle, as if she were living in her own home, which she is to some degree.

I’m really glad you brought this up though. If I ever have to move mom in the future, I will know to bring this issue up.

Everyone go to be at same time, less work for staff, so they can wind down as well.

You would be doing your Mom a big favor by contacting the Ombudsman for your area. The Ombudsman will meet with you and also with the Administrator and is the go-between to resolve issues. We pay the Ombudsman with our tax dollars so use them. It is their job to get to the bottom of a problem.

This practice was cause for great distress and annoyance for my mom when she was in ALF. She was a fall risk, so I understand they wanted to help her get ready before the staff thinned out for the evening, but she wanted to watch TV in her living room as her bedroom TV was at an awkward angle and she could not see it. It made for a very long night for one who slept but a couple of hours a night. The staff denied making her get into bed, but she would call me crying from bed. The staff and director denied her accusations and assured me that all she had to do was request to be brought down to the common room and she could watch TV in comfort and safety as late as she wanted. So I started requesting that action from the caregivers, it never happened, as they were always understaffed and experiencing employee turnover. I recommend you position yourself in the bathroom in your Moms apartment during caregiver visits, you may be as appalled as I was at the crappy way some of them talk to their clients. Sadly, the nice ones always moved on to better paying jobs.

Absolutely NOT! Under Federal Law residents in assisted living communities have rights which are guaranteed under the law. One of those rights is the Right to Choose. Every resident has a right to choose when they get up, and when they go to bed, what they wear, what they do, when they choose to take a bath as well as what type of bath they want. They can choose what activities they participate in and what they eat.

You said your mom has dementia that does not mean she loses her rights! If your mom wants to stay up until 11 pm that is her right. If she has been declared incompetent then have her power of attorney tell the staff that she is to be kept up until 10 pm.

I would suggest you contact your local Long-term Care Ombudsman Office, they are the Federally mandated advocates for residents in long-term care communities which includes assisted living communities. There is no charge for the Ombudsman to help you resolve this issue.

If you are the power of attorney ask for a copy of her medication list. You have a right to see this as poa. You can also tell the staff that they are to notify you before any new medication is given to your mom. As power of attorney you ask for copies of her medical record anytime you need to.

Note: The home can charge you a "reasonable rate" for the records. This rate is regulated under the regulations, the Ombudsman can tell you what the current rate for medical records is, it changes from year to year.

You need to learn what your mom's rights are, the Ombudsman can give you a list. Another right your mom has under Federal Law is the Right to Refuse. She can refuse anything from medication, therapy, diet, activities, doctor's orders or any treatment. Families need to learn what their loved ones rights are so they can become effective advocates for them.

It depends on the facility but this doesn't sound good at all to me. I think it is very reasonable that aids who are on duty say until 11, have the duty to do "bedtime care" but that can be anything from helping with care to doing nothing at all. Generally in Assisted living they are there to assist in your normal adl (activity daily living) if you need it. The person "coming on " shift at 11 may be staffed less well and the expectation may be that the 3-11 person has everyone ready for bed whatever that means.
I can certainly understand that no one be in communal areas (TV room, Dining-game room) after a certain hour and that is the case where my bro is. A loud TV for a hard of hearing person would disturb the person whose room is outside the TV-Living Room, and loud game playing and raised voices would be hard for those outside the dining-game room. But as to telling a resident in her own room what time she must be in bed, seems a major no no to me. It may be a need in memory care, but cannot imagine it in Assisted Living. Don't know what the choices are but may be a good time to discuss with the supervisoral staff, and look at other facilities if they exist in your area.
There is also a way to approach people, and her approach was NOT good. And she got caught. The approach should be "I go off shift in another hour, Mrs. Breck; would you like help getting ready for bed, or into your night clothes, or can you do that on your own when ready.
ANY good place should have a plan of care. For instance my bro resents people entering without knocking; that is on his care plan. He also wants to be in his room when it is cleaned. That is on his care plan. For your Mom the care plan should say "Enjoys watching the 11 p.m. news and is not ready to get ready for bed until it is over. "

You need to be discussing this with a person at higher management level than an aide. An aide is looking at this from the perspective of get them to bed and asleep and the job is much easier.
You should also be aware of each and every pill your mother is getting. Others in the facility do get sleeping aids or meds that make them sleepy, so they probably do drift off early in the evening. If you're mom is not on a med like that, she should be able to watch TV all night long if she wants to...unless...she is sharing a room with someone else. Then she needs some sort of privacy screen to block the TV light and headset to keep noise out of the room

The place is forgetting the “living” in assisted living. You’re the advocate for your mom. Please review her meds to ensure she’s not getting anything she doesn’t need and talk with admin about the bedtime requirements and whose convenience it’s for

Given your mom's list of medical issues, assumption is AL = MC. Our mother is in MC and from what I have observed each resident has their own "routine." Some need help and to be put to bed earlier, some later. There doesn't seem to be a strict regimen at her facility.

At one time staff told me that the residents, despite dementia, still have rights. They have the right to refuse meds and medical treatment. Obviously most of these are necessary, so they work on coaxing the resident to comply. With skill, this can be accomplished.

It sounds like this place is oriented to doing what is best for staff, not the residents. If working with "higher ups" doesn't resolve any issues and concerns you have, I would consider finding another place for her. Moving is hard on those with dementia, so this should be last resort, but given the statement by the aide and then the backpedaling, I would also have concerns!

I have also seen some residents eating breakfast at almost lunch time, others eating at random times. For some it is difficult to stick to a "routine." However this is how it should be. It makes everything more difficult for the staff on one level, but trying to force someone to comply to strict routines is going to be more difficult. The comment about being tired after their evening meds IS a bit disturbing. If nothing on your mother's approved list is any kind of sleep aid or anti-anxiety med, I would get all her info, both from the facility and her doc.

When mom first moved in, they asked the doc for anti-anxiety, to help with the transition. I was aware of this because the bill was given to me. It was not renewed. Sometime later, mom got a UTI and was off the rails. We had to get this med again, to calm her, but ONLY while she was treated. It did generally result in her retiring around 9pm, but they didn't make her go. At some point that doc refused to renew it, citing it as a fall risk. It was a running argument for a bit because having her in that state was more dangerous than a small fall risk! We (staff and I) wanted it only "as needed", because she has a tendency to get these UTIs during non-office hours, like a weekend! Who wants to deal with a raving person for days?

Yes, further research into this is needed. I know that in an ALF, patients have more flexibility because they have more ADL’s than in a nursing home.

At my mother’s Nursing Home, they start getting residents settled for the night around 5:30 for those who want to go to bed early (and there are many!). Wake up time is super early in a NH. The rest, like my mother go to bed around 8:00 to 9:00. Yes, they can watch TV as late as they like or even not go to bed at all, though staying in their room is encouraged. I have been there until late at night many times, and I usually see one of the residents watching TV in the main lounge. She is 103 years old, and everyone dotes on her. One night I asked why she wasn’t in bed like everyone else. The nurse told me that she refuses to go to bed until midnight most evenings and tells them that if they try to put her to bed before then, she will get out of bed by herself. They let her do what she wants!

It sure sounds like the facility/aides just want to be done with patient duty as soon and they can be. Assisted Living shouldn't mean "prison." It is not OK.

Check the lease you or mom signed if it doesn’t say they go to bed at 8:30 pm then no she doesn’t have to go to bed. Maybe they have to go to their rooms but not to sleep. I can’t see going to sleep at 8:30 and also does mom have. A TV in her room she could watch TV in her room . It sounds Ike the place you chose just wants to make it easier on themselves and is not complying with the comfort of the residence that pay good money to rent these places. I’d watch out for other things going on if they are making people go to bed at 8:30 .. if it were me I’d be moving my mom ..