My Mom is 94 years old with Parkingson's Dementia lives with me and I have been her primary caregiver. I just hired a nighttime aide so I could get some rest. Instead I was up most of the night supervising the aide. Is it normal for the nighttime aide to shower in my Mother's bathroom? Also, she slept thru my Mom's nighttime medication and I had to wake her up. I was told the aide isn't supposed to sleep. This was only the first night. Should I let it go or is it time to try a different aide? Also, I would appreciate any best practices suggestions in navigating having aides in the home
OMG! Please accept my apologies and totally disregard my post to you.
I misread it and I am so sorry. You know that I agree with your advice and assessments of most situations that people post here because you are a wise woman.
I misread the thread and I apologize sincerely if my comment was offensive to you.
First of all, you don't know what kind of caregiver I was because I never worked for you. That being said you may commence with the sand pounding now.
Second, I would not have consistently stayed employed in this field for 25 years if I wasn't good at it and mind you the last 15 of those years were private-duty care cases. Families in need of a caregiver look for me. That was by word of mouth and references.
You don't get those if you aren't good at a job.
The number one reason why a client or their family has a problem with the home caregiver is lack of honesty on the part of the people hiring a caregiver and/or with the agency they come from.
Lack of honesty about what the client needs are and what the family expects. Lack of honesty and communication from the agency to their aide about what the job actually is and how much care the client needs.
Granted the aide the OP hired for her mother should certainly have asked permission before using their shower. No one should just assume it's okay to shower at another person's house. That has nothing to do with someone being a homecare aide. That's just basic respect and manners.
You would also be much mistaken if you think people working overnight jobs can't get some sleep.
Paramedics do.
Fire fighters do.
Hospital doctors/nurses do.
Police do.
Pilots and flight attendants on long flights do.
These people are on call in the overnight. Since they are not alone on the job they do not have to stay up all night the way a lone security guard somewhere has to.
The OP is in the house when the aide comes in the overnight. There is also only one client who I'm assuming is human and sleeps at some point. So there's no need for the aide to stay up all night. Unless of course they are being paid to.
The difference in pay between a Sleep Duty aide and one that has to stay up all night is big. You want up all night? You pay for up all night.
also stop attacking other posters people!
Their job is mainly diaper changing or toileting a couple of times in the overnight, making sure the client hasn't fallen, and repositioning a client in bed. If a med has to be given, sometimes they do that but not very often. That's what it is.
From what I hear, this kind of crap is typical.
You apparently have a reading disability, as you have missed the considerable comments about different types of ‘night care’ at very different rates of pay. You are also very rude, as per your other post “you were a lousy caregiver”, etc. Go away!
If an aide has to hand the medication or physically help them take the medication that is one thing.
If the aide can take a pre dispensed medication that is in a cup and the client can pick up the medication and physically take it themselves that is different and in most areas that is permitted.
A private hire caregiver can dispense medications per the instructions of the employer/client.
Excellent answer.
I in my 20s worked for group home with 6 residents, mentally and physically handicapped.
I worked 8-10 hours shift, sometimes till 9pm and awake overnight person did not show up often. Residents had complex needs and meds were required as was for all workers passing meds admin course.
So I stayed often overnight which was beneficial in terms of pay, but, it took me months to get back to normal sleep cycle. After few years I injured my back.
Years of backbreaking work provide me with understanding how hard it is to be caregiver.
I have total respect for all caregivers.
My husband has Parkinson and worse, the need for overnight care was limited to a week after 2 surgeries.
Perhaps you need to discuss with dr about meds adjustments, some CR work.
That's why client families should not be knit-picky to their caregivers. Be respectful and speak plainly about what is expected from us. Also being honest with the caregiver about what the job actually is and what we can expect never goes unappeciated.
I have my certification in my state. Technically my training is that I am an APCNA (Advanced Practice Certified Nurse's Assistant) This is basically like an LPN only it was a lot cheaper than nursing school. Some states have this. I can pass meds, do dressings, and a large scope of care though all of it must be under the supervision of an RN.
I can also do CNA training for certification.
It would cost you a fortune if you want an aide that is going to stand at attention all night long. There are aides who are hired as 'Sleep Duty' aides. A Sleep Duty aide is exactly what the job title says. Pretty much they get up once or twice during a shift to change a diaper or put a client on the toilet. They don't give meds (unless you're hiring and paying privately). They don't fetch snacks. They don't entertain or provide nighttime companionship and they don't stay up all night baby-sitting for dementia clients who wander. An overnight Sleep Duty Aide is more on-call than anything else. Sort of like how fire departments and paramedics work. They don't stay up all night at attention waiting for calls but they are on-call. So when one comes in, they go. If an aide has to change a diaper or toilet somebody, they do. If an overnight security guard is what you need or a nurse, that is not a Sleep Duty Aide.
Did you not discuss what the job duties were going to be with the aide you hired? Or with her care-coordinating supervisor who came to your house to set up homecare services with the agency you're using? My guess is you didn't.
I was an in-home caregiver for almost 25 years and I have found in my experience that most client families are not entirely honest about what their LO's actual needs are and what they expect and don't expect from the caregiver. You need to speak plainly so your aide knows what you want. We're not mind-readers who can correctly guess what you want from us but fail to say. We do not anticipate your LO's every potential need and want. That's way above our pay grade. If this kind of servant is what you're after then I suggest you make it a requirement of employment that any potential aide you may hire come with a reference from Buckingham Palace or the White House.
If the aide taking a shower in the morning is a problem then tell her she can't. Once again, honesty and speak plainly.
I'm going to lay a truth on you here. If you're this knit-picky on Day 1 then you're going to have a mighty hard time finding and keeping in-home caregiving help.
.
I’d talk to the aide, find out what is going on, and see if it can be made workable. Yes, she needs an alarm for the medications. Mother probably needs a button to press that will wake the aide up, if mother needs help. I’d guess that you can find one, or someone on the site can recommend one. With both of those things, you may find a workable arrangement that won’t cost the earth and may meet the real needs.
Your problem of being 'up most of the night supervising the aide' should have been a one-off while the aide gets up to speed. If it isn't, you need a different aide!
That is not acceptable, nor should you have to wake them up to do their job. I hope you fired that aid; I would have fired her after I woke her up. Where did you find this aid? Did you go to an agency?
The family hiring them also pays less for this service than what a first or second shift CNA or homemaker/companion gets.
If you're for a Sleep Duty aide then expect a Sleep Duty aide.
Hugs 🤗
I have been very happy with the aides I have had in our home. I've been so lucky. One girl, my least favorite, gave her notice so will only be here 2 more shifts which I'm glad for. But the other 3 have been WONDERFUL.
Back to the shower - if mom is sleeping and her showering won't wake her, then I guess it could be OK as long as she is checking on mom.
Is there more for her to do overnight or just the one med? Is she "on-call" and has a monitor or something in case your mom needs her?
If she is going to be sleeping, she should set alarms to regularly check on your mom. Even if she's just going to doze off, she should not be missing medication times!
Showering in the middle of the night is just plain rude, nevermind inappropriate! Maybe her utilities got cut off and it's the first hot shower she's had a weeks, who knows...
Personally, I'd write up a list of tasks with times listed, etc, and see if she follows it next time. Once. Then she'd be gone. It only gets worse if they get away with too much.
Showering in your home no matter who's shower it is is unacceptable. (I might understand on a rare occasion if she cam from another job and was soiled doing that job. But she should ask permission)
Missing a medication is unacceptable.
If mom is sleeping and in no need of immediate care I can understand an aide dozing off BUT not to the extent that you have to wake her. If your mom tried to get up would she have heard her?
Before the aide starts the next time she is scheduled talk to her and ask her to explain herself and why she showered, why she missed a medication dose and why she is falling asleep.
Make it VERY clear that if it happens even 1 more time you will look for another caregiver.
I let slide the one who was supposed to do light housekeeping when she turned out to have no idea how to load a dishwasher because she'd never seen one, but when she came back the next time with a cold, I was done. The one who let my dying dad get out of bed then fall, necessitating a call to the fire department to pick him up, was fired on the spot.
Personally, I have never taken a shower at work, so your aide shouldn't either. She's on the clock when she's at your mom's house, so if she's working days then pretending to work nights while sleeping then showering, then she'd be off my payroll immediately.
I wouldn't have known how to load a dishwasher until quite recently in the last few years. I had one for years but never used it because I consider that wasteful. If we were entertaining for a holiday and there was a lot of dishes, my husband loaded it.
Your aide came to work with a cold because she doesn't get sick time. Agency-employed homecare aide is one of the crappiest, lowest paying jobs in the world. We all have bills to pay, including your sick aide. Jobs that don't offer sick time will have workers coming to work sick.
Specific requirement are based on pay, for sleeping and helping 1-2 times could be little over $100, for awake all night $250-300.
I would not worry about shower, you could ask her if you prefer her not to take one, personally it would not bother me.
But so as not to be hasty....like others have mentioned give her a few more days and see how she does. Sometimes it takes a little time for the aid to get used to the new client and for your parent to click with the aid. See how it goes but don't let it go too long if you notice other things that are strange or get the sense this is more of a pattern rather than a one-off situation.
As far as not sleeping--that's brutal to be up all night, again, if she is working double shifts. She can set an alarm to wake her to get mom her meds. I personally could not do a 'all night' shift for any amount of money. She should be able to catch a little catnap here and there (Kind of like when your kids are babies and sleeping 2 hrs at a stretch--it wears you out).
Yes, you do need to talk to the CG and explain her duties in very clear language.
I'm curious, what kind of meds does she need to be awakened in the night to receive? Most meds are before bed and then in the morning. Waking a sleeping person to give them medicine--kind of baffles me.
is she through an agency?
Give it a week. If she still is not doing the job she was hired for, replace her.