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My Mom is 94 years old with Parkingson's Dementia lives with me and I have been her primary caregiver. I just hired a nighttime aide so I could get some rest. Instead I was up most of the night supervising the aide. Is it normal for the nighttime aide to shower in my Mother's bathroom? Also, she slept thru my Mom's nighttime medication and I had to wake her up. I was told the aide isn't supposed to sleep. This was only the first night. Should I let it go or is it time to try a different aide? Also, I would appreciate any best practices suggestions in navigating having aides in the home

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tell the agency you want another aide as this one already violated their no sleeping policy.
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The problem I have with this is that she didn't ask first. Makes me think she feels entitled to do whatever she wants, which is a red flag.
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I would be FAR ANGRIER about her sleeping on the job!

is she through an agency?
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bethny58 Oct 2022
Yes. She should have set a timer since she probably knew she would fall asleep.
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Never. Not only is it improper. It is disrespectful to your mother, you, and the profession. The fact it was only one night only means they knew they were wrong and still did it. Time to find a new side.
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MargaretMcKen Oct 2022
Hi, and I won't say 'welcome to the site'. Your profile says that you ‘are caring for Christopher Lee, who is 50 years old, living at home with age-related decline, anxiety and urinary tract infection’. Oh really? I hope that you have asked a doctor to sort out the UTI.

You apparently have a reading disability, as you have missed the considerable comments about different types of ‘night care’ at very different rates of pay. You are also very rude, as per your other post “you were a lousy caregiver”, etc. Go away!
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It is inappropriate that the aide would take a shower in your house without your permission. The fact that she slept and missed your mother’s medication is inexcusable. Time to find someone else.
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BurntCaregiver Oct 2022
That aide should definitely have asked permission before taking a shower.
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I would worry about her being homeless and living in her car and trying to live out of your house. My son hired a nanny who turned out to be homeless and was living in a car
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I had a low tolerance for aides messing up, especially ones supposedly vetted by an agency.

I let slide the one who was supposed to do light housekeeping when she turned out to have no idea how to load a dishwasher because she'd never seen one, but when she came back the next time with a cold, I was done. The one who let my dying dad get out of bed then fall, necessitating a call to the fire department to pick him up, was fired on the spot.

Personally, I have never taken a shower at work, so your aide shouldn't either. She's on the clock when she's at your mom's house, so if she's working days then pretending to work nights while sleeping then showering, then she'd be off my payroll immediately.
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BurntCaregiver Oct 2022
I am about the most competent caregiver that can be hired. I have a wealth of experience and specialty training. Both having been acquired over 25 years in this field.
I wouldn't have known how to load a dishwasher until quite recently in the last few years. I had one for years but never used it because I consider that wasteful. If we were entertaining for a holiday and there was a lot of dishes, my husband loaded it.
Your aide came to work with a cold because she doesn't get sick time. Agency-employed homecare aide is one of the crappiest, lowest paying jobs in the world. We all have bills to pay, including your sick aide. Jobs that don't offer sick time will have workers coming to work sick.
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It does sound a bit like the aide has a daytime job and nowhere to live. However that is not necessarily impossible to cope with, particularly if you are paying the lower rate for not staying awake all night. I wouldn’t worry about the shower, I don’t feel any exclusive attachment to mine.

I’d talk to the aide, find out what is going on, and see if it can be made workable. Yes, she needs an alarm for the medications. Mother probably needs a button to press that will wake the aide up, if mother needs help. I’d guess that you can find one, or someone on the site can recommend one. With both of those things, you may find a workable arrangement that won’t cost the earth and may meet the real needs.

Your problem of being 'up most of the night supervising the aide' should have been a one-off while the aide gets up to speed. If it isn't, you need a different aide!
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bethny58 Oct 2022
Thank you!
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People work night shift all the time without being fed, showered or given a bed. At most they get to snooze off in a chair, one ear up, listening.
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XenaJada Oct 2022
My aunt had a night worker staying with her husband who had late stage cancer. My aunt worked a 3-11 shift at a hospital. Said she came home one night and the aid was asleep on the couch in the living room and had her 2 teenagers there, whom my aunt had never met, asleep on the floor in the living room. All were out cold. My uncle was awake and needing to go to the bathroom and could not get up on his own.

From what I hear, this kind of crap is typical.
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Get rid of her pronto. Showering and sleeping?? she isn't doing her job. tell the agency and get someone else. Personally, I would have thrown her out my house immediately. I would never stand for such behavior.
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