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I got the call late last night, (but haven't yet told my kids) that my mother passed away. They saw her last Friday when she was hospitalized, (& knew the Dr expected her to die). But I can't get myself to make that phone call to tell them she has died. I know I have to, but I'd like to wait a few more days. (Not sure what sense that makes though). 😰

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I'm sorry for your loss. I would think that time would make it harder, no easier - is there someone else you can delegate the task to? Or perhaps just call one and ask them to call the rest?
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Reply to cwillie
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Tiger55 Jun 8, 2019
Yeah, it probably would make it worse if I delay... Somebody would get offended no doubt. Will go over there today, after funeral home. Thanks.
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HI, Tiger. How are you doing this morning?

Just call your child who understands you best. Have a cry with him or her and ask that child to call the others.

Is someone with you? It sounds as though you are in a bit of shock right now. (((((Hugs))))))
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Tiger55 Jun 8, 2019
@barb. Thanks, I was especially worried about how my boy would handle it. His mental state can be unpredictable. Gotta do it though.
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You need to tell your children. They must be adults? Tell one ask them to call the others. They cannot offer the help or support you need to get through this if they do not know. Or have a friend of yours call them? Hospital, hospice, facility chaplin? Your minister if you are a church member? There is help for you.

I am sorry for your loss.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Tiger55 Jun 8, 2019
Thanks, I guess I'm trying to avoid the emotions cuz my whole week at the hospital was wrecked by the 'ugly crying'...
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I am terribly sorry for your loss.

Please tell all your kids immediately. It is important for them to know. This happened once in my family ... it is better for them to know ASAP. They may feel unimportant, angry and confused (not supportive) if they find out from another source. I understand that you do not have the energy to deal with their anger/confusion in addition to grieving.

If you are unable emotionally to make the call, task one of your children or a friend (like cwillie wrote). Just don’t let any more time pass.
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Reply to ACaringDaughter
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Tiger55 Jun 8, 2019
True, &...it probably won't be as bad as I imagine... (Hoping). Thanks for the encouragement🌈.
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I am sorry for your loss.

Take care of you right now.

You know your kids, so only you can know how this will be received.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Well, saying something out loud makes it real. You cannot bear to make this real yet because a part of you is still in denial. That's OK you are the most bereft person here. Take your time, try to process this. If you can write about your feelings and take steps with regard to plans for burial services, obituaries, lists of people who will need to be contacted when the time comes. Rituals are our default setting.
We can do these things even when we are still in shock. They give us a roadmap. Perhaps talk to a clergyman or trusted friend about your grief. Read a book called 'In the Presence of Grief' by Dorothy Becvar, a clinician who had lost her own son.
Grief is draining though: it can only be done in small doses at a time. You must then rest and revisit it when the wave comes, and it does come in waves.
During your rest periods, occupy yourself with the logistics of the ritual of the funeral. Notices, obituaries, flowers, music, eulogy, these things are actually a respite from the rumination and waves of sadness. When the time is right you will call your children. For now you are in survival mode, so take care of yourself. You need to eat and you need to sleep, and yes even a walk daily if you can.
If you're a believer, prayer can be a tremendous comfort. If not, that's OK too.
You will always have your memories of her, they are like those of no one else.
No one can take them from you. Perhaps write about them if you can. Using all of your senses will help you to better incorporate the loss and begin to process it. Take good care of yourself, accept help from others. God bless you and know that I am very, very sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and healing thoughts.
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Tiger55 Jun 8, 2019
True, I do love my rituals (OCD, lol). Still prefer denial though. I think I'll tell their dad first, & let him tell our kids for me. He's a decent guy. Thanks.
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So sorry for ur loss.

My question is...are u not having a Funeral? And if so won't ur children want to be there.

They need to know. I know its upsetting. Maybe call one and ask that they call the others.
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Tiger55 Jun 8, 2019
Simple memorial service for family, still ironing out details. Of course, the dear folks at ALF will need some closure also, & I'm working that. Feel badly that the approx 80 residents saw my mom keel over in lunch room. (Can you imagine how they must feel, since they see that type thing happening regularly). So sad.
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Went to Funeral parlor, spent too much money. Afterwards, let my family know. (Not sure about all details yet but it's a start). Hating the thought of cleaning out my mother's room at ALF, cuz everyone there knows me, (can't sneak in & avoid speaking to people). That's likely to be an awful cryfest & hope to God I can get it all done in one trip. (Ridiculous dream). I have a few days until I go there, cuz I'm not quite done at the Funeral home & want to hide for a while. I do wish I could get out of that ALF task, but don't see how. (It seems like I'm trying to avoid EVERY step of this process...)😰. Thanks for listening.
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gladimhere Jun 8, 2019
Could you ask your kiddos to take care of mom's room?
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Woke up from nap, ate some grapes & pepperoni .... Thinking about what I said in my reply to JoAnn.... "Feel badly that the approx 80 residents (@ALF)saw my mom keel over in lunch room. (Can you imagine how they must feel, since they see that type thing happening regularly). So sad". I want to do something nice for them, (but not sure how or what). I have 2 nice photos of my mom from the 1930's & 40's. Could enlarge or copy them, put them into a nice thank-you card for the ALF staff & residents. (Especially cuz no death notice for my mom will be in the local paper).
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I am so sorry to hear this. My mom died June 6th, It’s so hard to make those calls. The family though have been such a great support .

Take it one day at a time. ❤️
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Tiger55 Jun 8, 2019
NewGirl, thanks...& condolences on losing your mom. It's true, I'm grateful 2be not working right now, (have less pressure on me than many folks in this situation). I can easily do one task; one day; at a time. (God is Good, ...no matter what it looks like). & I feel much better cuz of help from everyone here. 💝
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