When I hear about some famous person passing away on the news and my first thought is "So lucky."
I'm pretty much anxious all the time now. I finally get why people drink. I have never had the desire. I don't like the taste and it makes my head hurt. But it does take away the anxiety for a hour or two. It's just gone. I'm not drunk and I realize nothing has actually gotten better but the deep feeling of the despair lifts for a while. Don't worry. I'm not guzzling 6 packs all day long. I keep it to at most one beer a day. Some days not even that. I drink it after they go to bed and before the first nighttime potty wake up break. A 6 pack lasts about 2 weeks.
It sucks that there is no one left to talk to. Some of my friends hung on there pretty long considering I haven't seen them in person in years. But even the hardiest ones have stopped returning calls.
It does kind of bother me that you don't like the taste and drink for medicinal purposes. Maybe an actual medicine would be more effective and give you relief from your anxiety for more than an hour or two. Discuss it with your PCP, and ask for a referral to a mental health care provider. They are better equipped to make a diagnosis and come up with a treatment plan.
Do you belong to a support group? That definitely provides you with people to talk to who understand your situation!
Is there a way for you to get more rest so you can feel stronger and get a little mojo going? Decrease the anxiety? Of course meds, support group, therapy, etc. too if that could help.