Is a diagnosis of dementia ever a legal defense?

I don't know what state you're in. You also mentioned that you notified the police but they could do nothing. I would call your Dep't. of Motor Vehicles and report to them that she has dementia. They are in a position to do something or to tell you what to do.

Secondly, can you or your brother remove the battery, for example, so that the car will not start? My brother-in-law did this to his mom's car. Or, if not the battery, disable something so that it will not start.

I thought you, or someone else, said this was her second DUI? If so, it will show up on her record and the court will not go so easily on her.

Who is prosecuting this case? If it's the DA's office, contact them and talk to them privately. Ask them not to use your name. If they can't do this, then send an anonymous note to or leave a voice mail message for the named prosecuting attorney handling this case, advising them of her dementia and that this is her second DUI.

Report this to her auto insurance carrier.

I know you are worried for your mother, but I can't help but think of the people she might kill as an impaired driver. Write a letter to the judge begging him or her to stop your mom from driving forever. She will either kill herself and/or some innocent family. It's a bad situation, for sure, but she simply must not be allowed to drive any more.

Imho, your mother should have never been behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. Disable the auto by any means possible.

I faces a similar problem with my 80 year old husband. He was showing early signs of occasional confusion, some memory challenges and other signs of decline. But he was furiously defensive of being in A-1 condition and perfectly capable of driving!!! I couldn’t live with the thought he might kill someone’s child, or parent. So I went to the driveway and emptied one tire on his very old car of air after taking his AAA card from his wallet. He went out to drive several days later, and came in frustrated about the tire. He looked for his AAA card and was frustrated when he couldn’t find it. Decided to take a nap. Same thing a day or so later. When I wasn’t sure I was going to get away with it I opened the hood and disconnected “something”. I don’t even know what it was. Days later he said he was going to drive on one empty tire to the gas station to get it fixed. Car wouldn’t start!!! Came in for another nap! Several months later I contacted the police and they helped me “junk” the car without his signature on the title. He never asked about his car again. I call them “fib let’s”. Tiny white lies that protect the rights and lives of others from someone who can no longer make responsible decisions.

I simply took my mom's keys and her spare key away from her. She was mad as a wet hen!! It helped to say that her grandchildren all insisted that she shouldn't be driving anymore so that took the heat off of me and she quit raging about it.

If she has dementia, it is YOUR responsibility to do something before your mother kills someone.

* Get MD documentation of her mental state [or does you have this already?]
* Write / discuss with DMV.
* Take car keys away; if necessary, find out how you can get rid of her car.
* My (past) client called the police on her son because he took her keys away or something. Her son had to call police and tell them that his mother has dementia and that she drives w/o a license. (Her car engine was taken apart and eventually / soon, the car was sold). His mother was more than livid.

* Other peoples lives at are risk here. While I don't know details, waiting until there was an accident is not being responsible.

* Many people deal with dementia inflicted drivers - either their own family or on the other end (other drivers or people walking in the streets). Not having a license is no guarantee a person won't drive.

* Research TEEPA SNOW. She is one of th country's experts on dementia and has several webinars about [how to deal with] people with dementia and driving. As she says, there are many people out there driving with dementia. Makes one wonder.

* My friend, now 87, got his license suspended almost two years ago. He has an upcoming driving test (written) and may or may not take a driving test. While I doubt he will pass either test, if he does, I will see what I can do to insure he is not allowed to legally drive. As Teepa says, make someone else 'the bad guy' - don't put yourself in that position with your mom. Although I would change her keys or do something so she cannot drive until something more permanent is in place.

* Even if you are seen as the 'bad guy', you could be saving someone's life.

* Your post actually got me to thinking about my friend - and my responsibility in his situation - driving with others on the road. He drives too slow, not too fast. Still. Unsafe driving is unsafe driving. Thank you.

For what it is worth, Hubby's doctor told him if he ever hurt someone in a crash and they sued; they would probably Subpoena his medical records. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. They would win and take everything we have because we knew he was impaired. So, I guess the answer is, has she been diagnosed?

Piper,

I don’t know the answer. I know that you have tried everything humanly possible to get your mom on track.

I wish that you could get off this crazy emotional roller coaster ride that you have been on.

Sending hugs and prayers your way.

With regard to covering the car in lieu of selling it, the illness will eventually keep her from remembering that she has had an accident at all. Since your POA if assume you can sell it without her agreement? if necessary tell her it's in storage.

if you knew she has dementia you should have contacted her Dr and he would have written to have her license taken away. She cannot help her disease but someone needs to be appointed guardian of her before she hurts herself or someone else. She should never have had access to her car . My husband is also been cursed with Dementia. I had to take responsibility for him to protect everyone. If she won’t agree then go to court and they will take care of it . Sorry this happened

My deepest sympathy, to you and Mom. It's darn hard to hand over that on upe piece of paper that gave you a sense of freedom like no other. It's depressing, to say the least. I went through this with my Mother - countless DUI'S, time in the "drunk tank", - it was humilating, for her and me. She finally faced the fact that she could kill herself, or someone else. So, I called all the family together, we all agreed - we had a "bonfire" party, to burn her license. She had the honor of throwing them into the fire, therefore, voluntary giveup. I am, at 72 years old, having to give mine up, because I'm going blind. I love to drive, clears my head to feel the wind blowing through it. I'm also a speed freak, faster the better. I know in my soul that I need to do this now - but I'm finding it impossible to "just hand them over." Two way street here - they expire in 2022 - should I just let that happen, or quit driving now? If they expire, I will always have a "license" in my pocket. The only place I drive now is up and down my driveway - but that sense of freedom is there. What would you do? Hard decision to make, so put yourself in the shoes of someone who's facing this. And be honest about it...

Wow no, sorry your going through this. What a nightmare. Id remove the distributor cap so car no longer works. Or hide keys and say she misplaced them if she asks. Say car died due to the crash. And don't have the money to fix it because that money is going to the lawyer and court costs and you have to sell it to pay for everything. Good thing the crash wasn't worse. That is just awful. Someone needs to step in. Should have before the accident. There are many ways to get around having the car disabled, without having a huge fight about it, and being the bad guy.

Im glad someone is talking to the lawyer. I would have even if she had said no one is allowed. Id find out if the family can be held responsible for not taking the keys sooner, just to be sure.
Gold luck. If that car is around, that will be a temptation again. She might forget she's not allowed to drive, and try it again. Id make sure she cant! It is more important than hurting her feelings, lives are at stake!!