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My 82 year old mom suffers from several illnesses, but the main concern is that she had cancer 5 years ago, chemo/radio/Herceptin ended about 3 years ago, she was being checked for a while but then she decided to stop. Why? Too much. Too many doctors, hospitals -she'd a mastectomy-, medicines, etc, etc..and I get it, I understand. Plus, even if something was wrong she would not do anything about it (no chemo, etc). So, what'd be the point on putting her through more? Now, my concern is, am I being irresponsible by allowing this doctor-free situation? She's not feeling well, has never, but it's getting worst with intense pain in her entire body which could be severe arthritis or lupus fully developing (she was diagnosed with both illnesses at some point in life), or anything! We live overseas, I used to live in the US but moved here to be with her. I mention this so you know it's not the same medical system than in the US, cannot call a social worker, etc.
Am I setting her up for more suffering than necessary (will any of the illnesses be more cruel by not having her being checked) or am I being considerate by following her wishes? I should mention too that she is deeply depressed, has been for a long time. That makes things more difficult, plus she doesn't really listen to my advice, in her mind I'm "the child". She's a difficult personality too, she wants to be in control.
This is killing me. I pray for wisdom. Hope it comes to me!

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If your mom doesn't suffer from dementia and can still make decisions on her own then try to respect her decision to not seek out medical care at this time.

However, you said her conditions are getting worse and that she's in extreme pain. If she would go to the Dr. he might prescribe pain medication so she's not in so much pain. And if you get her to the Dr. you might ask the Dr. about hospice. Hospice is patient-centered, in the home, with no medical tests, no Dr. visits, no ER visits, and no medications (with the exception of pain and anxiety control).

Your mom doesn't have to be in pain. She can live out her life the way she wants to with no more Dr.'s and still stay at home and be free from pain.
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Is there hospice care where you live now? If she needs palliative (symptomatic, not curative relief), would that be an option?

Does your mom realize the can see a medical professional and refuse treatment? That is her right.

Get yourself some relief for your depression. And find things to do other than focus on mom's decline. It's her choice. It doesn't have to be yours!
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Get her some painkillers if you can. See if there is a visiting nurse service in your area. Call her MD or oncologist, tell them the pain is increasing and ask how they can help. You are a good daughter by following her wishes.
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Rosses, you are suffering a lot having to watch your mother feel so bad. What you might try is to ask her to go to the doctor for you. Tell her that it would make you feel better to know why she was having pain and feeling so bad. Assure her that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to, but maybe the doctor will know what's causing the discomfort and how to make it better. If you mother knows she is doing it for you, maybe she will do it.
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If you google "palliative care in Nicaragua" you'll see a site called "Rewired and Retired" which has a whole section on pain control and many of the legal and ethical issues that might come up.

On the question of your responsibility to "push" medical intervention or not, if your mother is of sound mind then she is responsible for her own decisions. That doesn't mean you can't urge her to seek professional advice, and you can reassure her that no doctor in any country is going to force onerous, heroic treatments on her against her will - that really would be unethical in any language. But there will be a good deal they can do to make her much more comfortable. I hope you find a sympathetic practitioner very soon.
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"She has a very difficult personality, yet and because of that I know I am the only person that can take care of her." The 2nd half of that statement is a perception -- not a fact. Mom is an emotional vampire. And her mind games are overcomplicating something that is already sad and difficult -- for both of you.

Your mother does not acknowledge where she ends and where you begin (and she's always been that way, right?). You need to work double-time at healthy boundaries. Is it fair? No. Is it just as important as mom's medical issues? Yes.

Whatever path you choose, remember that after mom is gone, there will still be YOU. I urge you to find a way to be there for mom that allows you to retain your own life, your own relationships and your own ability to earn an income.
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No hospice care here, plus the whole point is that she wants to be in her house, kind of ignoring the obvious. Like I said, I don't blame her, truly. I'm however trying to find out if there could be any pain relief approach without really finding out the cause, a pain clinic of some sort where I could find help without my mom having to go..it's crazy I know. I just would give anything not to see her suffering. She says she wants to die daily, I try to make jokes such as, "mom, but i just got here..Not so soon!" Or not to say anything and ignore the comment or just tell her I love her. Like I said, I just don't want to see her suffering so much.
And I know I need to find a way not to sink with her, I'll try to find some relief for the mind :) thank you!
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Thank you all for taking the time to write. It's a very difficult situation..as all of our individual situations are, I know all who visit here are or have gone through a lot. My mom is kind of right in that she prefers to endure the pain rather than taking pills that will cause worst harm to her stomach. Yet, I know at some point the situation will get out of hand, mine and her hands. Someone told me a while ago that my mom's situation was way beyond being something that I could handle alone. Like I mentioned, aside from being sick she has a very difficult personality, yet and because of that I know I am the only person that can take care of her. Thank you church mouse for researching Nicaragua's resources. The thing is doctors want to see her in person, and she just doesn't want to be seen. It's because really it's non stop for her, if not the pain that she always has in her entire body, it's her teeth, her eyes, ears, hand..etc..you name it. Something is always failing, so we act only when she has no choice, so when not an emergency per se, she just doesn't want doctors.
When the moment comes, and I know somehow it will, we will have no choice but to seek medical help. Will continue researching palliative care options, although outside the US medical assistance of that type is not easily found. Thanks again for giving me feedback. I just hope I remain strong.
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I'm not sure if Hospice is available in the country that is mentioned on your profile page. You could inquire and see. I think that I would attempt something to help mom with her pain, but, if she is mentally competent, I'd try to step back and respect her decision to not pursue more medical treatment. I can't see how you could force medical treatment. Why would that be an option? People have the right to make their own decisions about that. I don't find her wanting to have control over that matter as surprising at all. If you have trouble accepting her decline, which is very understandable, I'd try to find a counselor to discuss it with. It must be heartbreaking to know that she may not survive her condition. Take care.
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I took my mother to have her port removed because she has been in remission from her cancer for 8 yrs, she's 84. I was told she could not be treated anyway if it came back because of her other health problems, heart failure, kidney failure, ect. One of her doctors was very kind and helpful to ME and he told me to cut out most of her doctors that they were just keeping the money wheel turning and we all are dying the minute we are born!!! I cut out half her doctors.
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