How to inform my brother that mom wanted me to remove him from her will altogether?

Follow
Share

As some of you may remember, last year Mom informed me that she wanted to remove my brother from her will altogether. Fortunately, I didn't have to get a lawyer..etc. because Mom and I had already put each other as joint owner on our accounts...I was already the sole owner at her death..(and vice versa...for her protection too should anything happen to me)


Ok...so, now I have the ugly job of dealing with this.


I say ugly because...even though he is a jerk, and did (said) something that really upset Mom last year (and she was hard to upset!) ... I am having a hard time thinking that I am the one to deliver the news that his own mom had disowned him. That has got to be a tough thing to deal with. I had read some of the postings here, and the heartbreak endured by those who learned this was clear.


So... my idea is to allow him to see only one of Mom's accounts. Give him half of it. Give him those items I think a son should have gotten from his father (dad died 9 months ago).
And..hope he is satisfied. He actually talked about Legal action last year to challenge Dads will...because it left everything to Mom.


What if he demands to see all the books? How can I keep him ignorant of the true nature of the inheritance and keep him from demanding a deeper look?


Since there will be no probate (I already own it all) ... he might see red flags when he understands there will be no court.


Should he push this to the limit....how do I break this to him? I really plan to never see or hear from him again....but, have no desire to cause him emotional pain either. What could I say?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
17

Answers

Show:
Wow, so sorry that he didn't show. I had an evil brother like yours but he at least came to my mom's services.
Do not contact him first. Let the slime ball stew for a bit.
Low blow for you and your mom and I truly feel your pain.
Go out to a lake, take a walk through gardens, go shopping for something @ a major discount in the next few days or do something that makes you happy. I know you just buried her, but go and celebrate her life. Your head needs to just chill and you need to let go of negative vibes from your brother.
Forget him for now, he'll probably be back in the picture in a few weeks.
Sorry if the language above is snarky, but I have been there too and it's hateful.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

KAtiekate--
I am sorry for your loss. And I am sorry your brother is choosing to be MIA on this.
You are beyond kind to even give him anything, and it shows your kind heart that even though mom had made her wishes known, you are still thinking of your brother.

Hopefully he will accept what you send him and let it go. The fact that he takes it, would make any "posthumous" requests for more just nutty.

My grandmother made her will, left things split pretty equally amongst her 3 children, altho my mother did the lion's share of care. She also left the note :" to anyone who contests my will, I leave $1 and my eternal disgust". She was a funny bird, and I know that final sentence was meant for mother's younger sister who wanted mother to ship all grandma's furniture 1500 miles away and not charge her for it.

It's sad when this happens in families, but it's very common and I hope you can go forwards and find peace. You did more than most people would do. Bless you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I buried my Mom this past Tuesday.

Not a single beep from my brother. No flowers, no card, no phone call. He didn't come for this, and didn't make any contact.

I am convinced that whatever he did to Mom that made her mad is still informing his behavior....even after her death.

Now, I do not feel any remorse for following her wishes.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

KatieKate,
So sorry to hear you lost your Mom. I hope you can get some peace and positive closure with your brother over this emotional time. We are here for you if you need us. Take good care of yourself now. *HUGS*
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

KatieKate, I am sorry for your loss. My wish for your mother is eternal rest. My hope for you is peace and solace in the fact that your actions were guided by love and dignity.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Daughterlu

My Mom passed away on June 10

There really isn't anything my brother can do about it. I am the sole owner of all her assets .. which includes the entire estate left to her as sole heir from Dads will.

The amount of money I give to my brother will fall below the max annual gift...so no gift tax needs to be declared. The personal items from Dad, well..I feel they should have been given to brother long since.

My opinion has very little to do with this.   However....
My only purpose is to not cause him the emotional pain of knowing what Mom intended. And to honor Mom's wishes for the most part.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have two older brothers - one a little over 60yrs old, the other just under 60.

If I were to base my opinion on whether one deserved an inheritance based on his treatment of my parents the last twenty years - he would receive nothing.

If I were to base my opinion on whether the other brother deserved an inheritance based on his treatment of my parents his first twenty years - he would receive nothing.

If I were to base my opinion of whether either deserved an inheritance from my parents based on their treatment of me - over my entire 55 years - they both, would receive nothing.

Instead my parents choose an even three way split based on their love and experiences with their children over the entirety of our lives - and I am grateful for it.

The last seven years, looking after my parents was hard - really hard. The hardest thing I've even done - with little to no help from my brothers. Yet, the day I gave them their checks - their inheritance from our parents - was a day I'll never forget. We went to lunch, had a beer together and told stories from our childhood. And let me tell you - it was a rough childhood - but one we shared - together. Long after everyone else had left the restaurant- we were still there. We laughed until we cried, and cried until we laughed. It was one of the most precious times of my life and I will treasure it forever.

I thank my parents for having the foresight to have treated their children equally. That in the end - their final message to us was that they loved us all.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

In honor of your Mother, respect her wishes if she wants to cut him out of her will. Based on my experience, wait until she passes to say anything. My brother and sister-in-law agreed when Mother put me on her local checking account but were angry about a will that left all her personal belongings to me. This did not include the Trust set up by my Father for her upkeep and maintenance set up before he died. Her attorney drew up the will with broad language that I receive everything she owns (This does not include her Trust but the will did not make this clear). My brother and sister-in-law threw a fit with Mother's attorney. The incompetent attorney knowing this, then came to Mother's apartment with a witness, and while I was getting coffee for us all, had her sign a new will including my brother, notarizing it on the spot. (Mother did not have time to even read the document) The attorney tricked my Mother and lied to me about the purpose of her visit. Further, there is nothing of value in Mother's apartment and her checking account income comes from her social security and pays medicine, health insurance, personal necessities, etc. No money is able to accumulate.  We went to a Notary Public who rescinded the will in question, with the help of a Councilman who was a friend advising us and witnessing her signature. My brother abused me as a child. This left me shaken that I was not protected from my childhood abuser and the wrath of my sister-in-law who is a very angry woman. At the time, I felt it was my responsibility to let my brother know what was in the will because he was living in Florida and I wanted to be up front and open hoping to heal a broken relationship.  That was the wrong decision in that his reaction caused me much anxiety. Mother and I are now blessed to have this period to have a close Mother daughter relationship that I missed out on a child. We are now having a close loving family experience with Mother now in a great Senior Facility within 5 minutes of our home. My son and daughter-in-law help me give Mother 24 x 7 care. Brother is no longer jealous and angry that I am with staying with Mother. He knows how much it costs to have round the clock care at $25.00 per hour for a Nurses Aid in a former facility. Mother is in a new facility, we moved from Mother's former facility. It was a rogue facility, triangulating family (brother and cousin) against me where the facility was benefiting financially and through their obstruction and negligence almost killed Mother. Read about dysfunctional families. There are many extreme cases on AgingCare where family dysfunction + a facility or an authority that takes over decision making ends in the daughter being limited or shut out along with the early demise of the L.O. My advice is do not do or bring anything that will set off a war in the family while Mother is alive if the matter can wait. Read more in AgingCare. 
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Katiekate, talk this over with the lawyer. Just be sure that your generosity can't come back to haunt you. If Brother finds out that there are other accounts and assumes he is entitled to half of those also, he could try to make trouble. I'd hate to see the fact that you lied to him ... that that account was half his when it wasn't make matters more complicated. What you plan sounds generous and a way out of the difficult spot. Just be sure to cya. Remember, no good need goes unpunished.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Sounds like a smart thing to do Katiekate. Then you can wash your hands and be free of him. I plan to tell both my brothers on the event of my Mom's death that I never want to see or hear from either of them ever again. Maybe I will even have the lawyer relay the message to them so I don't have to get into any last accusatory fights, I won't be in any mind set mourning Mom to deal with anymore emotional upheavals. I will pack up boxes for them to pick up of personal belongings because I remember how my jerk brother behaved when Dad died. He was grabbing everything saying, this is mine, that's mine, etc. I literally never saw a single penny or object because I did not want to even be in his presence nor did I care about material belongings. I wish you well and you are not alone. *Hugs*
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions