Independent/assisted living facility asking for 10-15% of rent in annual tips. Is this the norm?

My so’s work does something similar. No amount is suggested, but the 205 units contribute about 1200 each. Bonus checks come out to 2500 to 3000 for employees on the rolls on November 30, prorated for those there less than a year.

When my Dad lived in a well known nationwide senior facility [Independent Living, later Memory Care] not once did we get a request for tips.

Maybe that all changed after covid, and now with shortage of Staff, and tight budgets.

I seem to recall that back in 2013 the suggested amount was 1K. Mom was paying about 5k per month.

Did you see the letter? Are you sure it's not 1-1.5%?

That's not only absurd, it's unethical. No one should be giving tips or gifts to the employees so as to avoid any preferential treatment or the appearance of it.

The expectation of tipping has gotten absolutely out of control. I just went to a locksmith shop today and had four copies of my house key made, and their credit card machine was actually programmed like a restaurant's and it asked how much I wanted to tip. The cashier averted his eyes momentarily so as to avoid seeing how much I was going to tip, so he didn't see me put a big, fat $0. I couldn't believe it!

I have to apologize to everyone here. I should have known not to take the word of my mother-in-law, who is getting confused. This whole thing is something created my the community, not the facility. And no one is recommending 10-15%. Jeez. I’m sorry.

Moderator: you can delete this thread if you like.

Just like the rest of us, we can get caught up in other people's drama. Words of wisdom on this topic was explained many years ago by President Ronald Regan
- "TRUST BUT VERIFY."

That’s ok, op.

My so’s work is running a slideshow of staff people earnestly working away like little elves with a caption saying that if everyone just gave three bucks and change A day, their Christmas fund target will be met. Every hourly worker working as of 11/30 gets a share.

Slosparky, I shared your instant outrage and she's not even my mother! ConnieCaretaker gives us the golden rule :)

I have never heard of this and find it disgusting. They are asking her to supplement the pay their workers should be getting. My brother was in a wonderful ALF and they had nothing but a yearly christmas fund they could contribute to or not as they saw fit. Due to the fact cost of living is so high for our seniors these sort of tips are in my mind out of the question. Their workers should be paid. If they cannot pay them adequately then they should raise the fees, but of course this would hurt them in the competition for our seniors' dollars. I think she should discuss with others and I think she should be honest if she isn't paying, so that others will be more comfortable with saying no.

No. This is not appropriate. I agree with AlvaDeer and also find this absolutely disgusting.
I worked in an AL facility for some time. I have never heard of aides, housekeeping, kitchen workers, or anyone else on staff ever receiving tips. No way.
AL's and independent-living facilities is collect obscene amounts of money from every resident occupying one of their places. Things like meals, housekeeping, handyman services, aide care, and transportation to appointments are why seniors move to their places. These things are included in the obscene amount of rent that gets paid every month.
So the AL or independent-living community who wants residents to start tipping the staff should reconsider what they do with the money they collect. Instead of making shareholders who own stock in these places richer, they can start paying their help better wages. Then there would be no need to ask the staff to demean themselves by begging for tips from the elderly residents.
If I were you I would take this letter they sent your MIL and make some copies. Send one to your state's Ombudsman's office. Send one to yoru state's Attorney General. Send one to your state's Agency on Aging (if there is one). This may actually be illegal to hit them up for money.
In the meantime, tell your MIL that she already pays for all of these things in her rent payment every month and that she should not give a 'tip' for a service she's already paid very well for.

You know what I don't like about this, is people assuming that others, because they live in the same complex, have 6000 to 9000 to give as tips. With my Mom, I had an idea down to the penny how long her money for the AL would last. 6k would have pretty much paid for an xtra month, 9k almost 2 months. If my husband was approached like this, he would have given nothing. I think a letter saying it would be a nice gesture. Then giving the number of people involved and leaving it up to the residents to give what they feel is appropriate.

I hate when I find a waitress I have tipped well for her service is required to split her tip with the kitchen help. Kitchen help gets paid at least minimum wage unlike waitresses that get about $3.00 an hour plus tips. Busboys yes, they get a % of the waitresses tips.

sloparkys,, glad you cleared this up!! I can say that in my Dads MC, and at the hospital where I work,, we are thrilled to get ANYTHING !! cash is not allowed, but we love fruit baskets, pastries,, anything edible! You can tell Mom you are baking lots of cookies to take in..she can deliver them when you do and they will be thrilled and fuss over her all day! And she can "share" them with the other residents too! If its too much to bake alot for you,, some of the grocery stores have good deals on prebaked cookies or Costco/Sam for trays already made up. we also took cookies to Mom's rehab when she was there. They are both sadly passed now but I still drop things off sometimes.

I routinely took fruit and veggie trays to my uncles NH. I made sure I took trays for the evening shift. I took donuts and coffee for overnight shift. When I was in the nursing home they worked 12 hour shifts. I ordered pizza delivery for both shifts. For the lady who did my showers and my PT guy I gave gift cards when I went home.

I am in AL. There is a end of year collection for staff. My understanding is they hope for 1%. I suspect they are trying to have the residents pick up some of the inflation expenses. On the other hand, your Mom seems to have a better financial deal than we do. We are in a high expense area, however.

HA! Sounds like something my mother with dementia would have cooked up and then sworn to God was the gospel truth! Glad you sorted this all out OP!

I always wrote a check for $100 at Christmas for the staff at mom's AL, plus I brought in sweets and treats for everyone.

ABSOLUTELY NOT! her rent covers all of the amenities...she spends entirely too much...it's the responsibility of the facility to compensate their employees, not the tenants...I've never heard of anything so ludicrous in my life...don't do it...they have a lot of balls even asking...BP is definitely up on this one...

I live in a retirement community where we have a staff appreciation campaign run by our Philanthropy committee and Human Resources. It is only to benefit hourly staff. We are not allowed to tip staff during the year and receive services from servers, housekeeping, maintenance, shuttle drivers, etc. There is no requirement to contribute. This is considered a bonus and distributed before Christmas by a formula that considers years of service and whether FT or PT. All money collected is distributed.
I have been doing this, voluntarily, for 14 years. Not everyone contributes.

Personally I am against all tips of any kind. I should not have to pay a tip for someone to do their job they are already getting paid to do. You can always flip the tables and keep a log of all issues and when they ask for a tip you can ask for a refund for all the things they did not do.

Seems like the facility is using these "tips" to supplement their employee's pay. This is ridiculous. It's up the the facility to pay their employees properly and not expect the residents to handle the bonuses. My folks were in an AL place and nobody suggested this to them.

I have never heard of that. It was strictly against policy at my mom's AL, they would suggest a $125 donation at Christmas from each resident to put in a pool for staff gifts, that is all. This seems very wrong to me.

Tips?? Hey, this is not even a hotel or restaurant. Not sure about tips charged at a senior residence. And be very careful about spending down to Medicaid level should someday a nursing home is required. Every penny has to be accounted for the look-back period where your MIL lives.

The facility my mother was in also did this. We participated in a small modest way — never the huge percentage that was suggested. I felt that as a ‘for profit’ business, the facility was out of line to ask residents to contribute even more than their already high stay costs. I’m sure the CEOs and Presidents of these organizations are taking home large salaries and bonuses. Perhaps that wealth should be shared with those who actually DO the work to make the business successful. Novel thought.

I’m with you. I find the tip request extremely annoying. The employer should be giving its employees bonuses, not the residents. It has happened to my parents. It was required at their IL facility of $300 for a Xmas bonus to staff, but because my parents moved in November, it was waived. Then, my mom died and my dad moved to another facility and that facility “requested “ a donation of a certain amount. Then, my dad moved back to AL in the original facility. I wanted to bring it up at the contract signing, but we didn’t. It’s not in the contract and we are dreading the request for money for Xmas bonuses. It makes me so angry that should it happen this year, I am thinking of reporting this practice to the Attorney General of the State of Colorado or even the news media. My dad also pays close to $60,000 a year for a tiny studio apartment and very minimal care. The only other industry I have come across that makes customers pay staff bonuses is HOAs, another quasi-company that overcharges for very little.

We lived in an independent living and were not allowed to tip. At Christmas we were allowed to contribute an amount of our choosing, to a group tip, that was divided and given to the employees pro rated on how long they had been working there. It was initiated and handled by a few residents with managements approval. Anyone not working there at Christmas was not included… helps encourage longevity.

We are in an HOA now that also does not allow tips. The HOA budgets to give the employees a Christmas tip on behalf of the residents… I think we can contribute extra to the total as we choose. Our HOA has only residents on the Board of Directors making decisions best for the whole community.

My husband’s AL/memory care residence just sent the holiday fund appeal. Suggests “$1 or $2 per day. Some give 10-20% of one month’s rent. Some give more, so give less. It’s up to you.” I am so thankful to these wonderful people who take such great care of my husband when I could no longer, I wish I could give more.

I don't think this is common in most places, but for all I know, it may be the 'thing to do' in this particular location.

That said, if it really is 'the thing to do' in that location, I think it's bad practice - most elder services as trying to draw lines against anything that could become or confused with elder financial abuse, a very serious problem, for both their ethics and liability concerns.

I'm stunned at the answers here. No one should ever pay this. Tips are 100% voluntary. The contract you signed when you or your loved ones moved in is the only financial obligation you have. Please don't let any facility pressure you into paying tips ever. In fact, you may want to respond to the facility that it is THEIR obligation to pay their workers a living wage or bonus and residents have no place supplying payment to workers and insisting that they do is harassment. A lot of these senior living facilities are for-profit places and their executives make millions and can afford to pay their staff more but choose not to. This is very ethically questionable and honestly I would report to the commission in your state that handles senior living facilities.

Come on guys, take a stand! Stop paying out money in this scam.

Next we'll be asked to tip police officers and the mayor!! Tips were originally designed to help those who don't get at least minimum wage, and relied on tips for their income (like wait staff), not for those earning $15-$20/hr (or more). The tipping thing has gotten way out of control! As a teacher, I used to get so angry that I'd be paying high taxes for services already, yet neighbors would try to tell me I needed to tip those receiving more pay than I did (police officers, USPS, recycling and waste management, lawn care, newspaper delivery, etc.) I think it's nuts to make people pay for services, then expect to 'tip' just because their employers don't want to give them more money.

I hate tipping in every instance. Pay your employees a fair wage. Tell me the price up front and I will agree or not to purchase your service. I hate trying to keep track of who should get a tip or not and how much.

I agree tips should be voluntary, unfortunately the sad reality is these facilities dont provide fair wages to the employees who are doing all the work (on-site caregivers, assistants, etc) which is their responsibility to do so, and the result is what would be expected- unhappy employees who feel taken advantage of, who are struggling to make ends meet, and resent that corporate earns a bundle. They often experience high turnover as one result and hope the tips will appease the underpaid employees. It’s unfair to both the families and employees, they should be paid a respectable salary and that would be avoided