Incontinence- ideas for tight fitting undies maybe?

Why don't you think that AL (or MC) might be a good solution for the both of you? She most likely isn't in denial or embarrassed -- she most likely has dementia. If you think it's stressful and exhausting now, the caregiving just gets more and more intense and draining. Have you taken her in to her doctor for a cognitive exam so that you are working with facts and not assumptions? Have considered what it may be like to try to transfer a 245 pound person from a chair to a toilet at some future date? And eventually she will become bowel incontinent as well. Please read some of the posts on this forum from desperately exhausted, loving and well-meaning adult children who wish they had the option to put their LO in a care facility. I'm not trying to grind on you while you're down -- but you must go into this with your eyes wide open and seeing the reality that WILL be your future with her. My MIL gets excellent care in a LTC facility on Medicaid. She even has a private room, and has the same care as the private pay residents. We go visit her whenever we wish, and we sleep peacefully at night not because we're exhausted and burnt out from orbiting around her, but because we know she is safe, clean, fed and socialized. I wish you much wisdom, clarity and peace in your heart as you find the right solution.

Think about this.

How long do you think it will be before you are so exhausted, so desperate, so physically and emotionally depleted, that you realize that finding her the best residential care you can locate, and visiting her as often as you want to, maybe even for a brief stop-by visit every day, is really better for you BOTH than what you’re doing now?


If you “wanna cry” now, consider how you’ll feel after years of this, and worse.

Good caregiving requires balance, and right now, the balance is disrupted by something neither of you can control or manage. Her weight alone is unmanageable for a caregiver to attempt to take on, much less her loss of bladder control.

If you won’t consider placement now, at least begin your research about the placements available near you. Then you’ll have a sense of confidence when/if her care needs exceed your ability to continue.

Please continue to consider “balance”. What do YOU need to continue caring for her in a way that’s loving and safe for BOTH of you?

I addition to switching to pull ups it might help if she makes regular bathroom breaks part of her routine even if she doesn't feel the need, much of the problem with over flow is that no product can rapidly absorb a large volume reliably.

I’ve been giving cranberry supplements to my mom for a couple years now-after years of uti’s, they’re not an issue anymore. Even tho she still doesn’t drink enough water, it’s managed to keep them away.
It’s heartbreaking to hear how this is affecting you-looking into AL now is a great suggestion as, most likely, you’ll need to act on moving her at some point. So many have waitlists too-putting her on lists doesn’t commit you but you may be ready when a room becomes available. The resentment that’s building can only go on so long-it’s not good for either of you.
Best wishes as you find your way.

Hopefully she is wearing Adult Diapers.
She may need a pad in the Adult Diapers.

Mare sure she is wearing them.

Also make sure she is actually taking a shower every day.

Mare sure her pee Diapers are put in a plastic bag before being thrown away.

Use deodorizers that Remove the smell not cover it up.

I use Odor Eliminater

why aren't you using pull up diapers? If she can still walk, use pull up diapers. If she is bedridden use diapers with tape (not pull-ups).

I'm surprised she is still alive being that corpulent. One fall with injury, chances are she will be bedridden for life.

I had to use about 6 diapers a day for my mom.

You can buy reusable bed pads--but the extra large ones. Go on Amazon. Wash them over and over again.

As for disposable pads, you need very large ones. Go to the pet store and get pads for dogs. They are large and much, much cheaper than the ones for humans--same materials too.

I was recently informed that our local hospitals don't use depends anymore. They use a device that sucks up the urine and keeps patients dry all the time. I realize they are talking about bed ridden patients but I was told this device is available to me if my mom's doctor will prescribe it and they were aware she was mobile at home.

Maybe you can find some info whether it would be suitable for you. Sorry I dont have any particulars about this device as my mom had a stroke while she was admitted to the hospital and only came home for a week of hospice care to be with family when she passed.

She had her 95th birthday while she was at a rehab facility. The stroke left her very much disabled and she just didnt have the strength or desire to keep fighting. I miss her a lot.

Charlotte

I use Depends for my mom- both the pull up and tab kind. If we go out for a doctor's appointment, a Poise pad is added (home aide's suggestion). No issues. Hopefully you have transitioned your mom from underwear to adult diapers.

I keep air fresheners going in all rooms. Although we don't have the leakage problem, her room can definitely take on a smell. I use scented trash bags and tie all waste up immediately. It is a continual battle.

For your sake, consider help. There are some great suggestions on here.

Best wishes to you.

My mother found highly effective disposable undies for my father via this catalog—
Gold Violin Independent Living Catalog.

You might consider trying Kleinert's briefs:

https://kleinerts.com/products/unisex-duralite-incontinence-briefs?variant=15019123671085

My sister, who is about the same size as your mom, uses these. They're expensive, but worth the cost if your mom has something against disposable briefs.

With my DH he wears 2 diapers at night and has a large washable bed pad. During the day he's on a schedule...every 2 hours. Recently changed to every hour after 4 pm after a couple of accidents. This is for my sanity...doesn't seem to bother him so he balks but does eventually go.

Tight fitting underwear isn't going to help her is she has serious incontinence.
I call it serious incontinence when the house stinks all the time.
She needs to be in diapers now. Not 'Pull-ups' which are for mild incontinence. Diapers. Then line the diaper with an incontinence pad. This will take care of you problem of there being urine on the floor or furniture.
Keep a garbage can with a lid in the bathroom too. That will help with the smell.

Call HDIS, Explain your problems with them and they will help you come up with a solution. They are not inexpensive. My mother is now wearing assure overnight pants all day as well as changing out pads every few hours. Which she needs to be reminded to do.
They will send samples
good luck

Wellness Briefs! Designed and worn by astronauts! Never had a problem with my mom or dad
https://wellnessbriefs.com/

Maybe not helpful but food for thought. My Mom won't wear underwear any more. As their skin gets thinned, nerve endings are closer to the surface and they find many things very uncomfortable. She wears her clothes inside out on purpose - even with dementia - as she is aware of this fact. But she just can't do anything tight fitting any more. Soft, soft and more soft.

Thank you all SO much for all the GREAT info!! So much feedback, bless you all!!

For UTI's, my mom was getting them frequently last year. Doctor, antibiotics, 4 x last year. The last time, she was kept on antibiotics longer, maybe a different or stronger one, I think 3 or 4 weeks. And knock on wood, since December last year, she hasn't had another.

Then I bought the urine dipstick to check her urine now and then to see whether a new one was starting. And if so, get the dr. to write a script to have it checked ASAP. I also have Mom's nails kept cut short ( as e.coli from stools is the most common cause ) so wiping after a bm has less chance of contamination.

The most common symptom in older folks is increased confusion and increased urination.

As far as products, I'm reading others' responses, as so far, just thick Poise pads are working for my mom.

Tight fitting? My mom can pee through ANYTHING. And she is fairly small. Liquid just does what it does, and that's follow the path of least resistance.

Mom wears an internal cath with outside collector bag. A pair of the heaviest depends and 2 thick Poise pads---yet she can pee through them all. Her floors are all ruined and her apt. stinks to high heaven. At some point, we simply couldn't keep up with the urine flow. It smells extremely strong as she is on many meds and also is always very dehydrated. NOTHING has helped with the smell. And trust me, we've tried. It's in everything.

When mother has worn briefs that are too tight, she gets rashes and then there's one more thing to deal with.

I wish I had answers for this--it's so bad people won't go visit her. I get a migraine from the smell of the old urine mixed with 6 air fresheners 'spritzing' every 15 minutes.

She might do better with "pull-up" style incontinence underwear. Several companies (I know Depends does) have ones that look a lot like regular underwear. Since she has frequent UTIs it would be worth investing in a bidet attachment to the toilet. Get one that "cleans" as well as rinses. She will hopefully be cleaner and have less UTIs. Please also have her checked by a urologist to evaluate and treat her incontinence. There are medications that can help if her bladder is "weak."

If she is walking, adult pull ups are better than pads. If she’s bedridden, the tab briefs (diapers) are the way to go. Everything leaks I've noticed unless I just haven’t found the right brief. The only way to have less urine everywhere is to change them more frequently. If you enlist hospice for her chronic, permanent condition then all the briefs & pads are free. Hang in there, there are ideas here & solutions to try.

Depend Fit-Flex Women's Maximum Incontinence Underwear, XXL, Light Pink, 22 Count - Walmart.com - Walmart.com
And you can put a pad inside of these, too.
My FIL wears the depends during the day and then at night we add a pad to it.
Just make sure you get the size right and that they are pulled all the way up.
Good luck.

the nursing home that my mother is in uses "Prevail" briefs, they come in different sizes and can be pulled on or has a release tab on the side. no problem with them. if she is just using a "pad" like women do for their monthly cycle, that is not enough. does she know when she goes? if so maybe after the 2nd time, she should change, if she doesn't know then maybe check her like you would an infant at different times. wishing you luck.

If she is incontinent she may not be accepted into Assisted Living.

Forget about pads, you need adult diapers. My mom is under HMO Medicare plan which has a quarterly CVS OTC (over the counter) benefit; I get my mom's diapers, wipes and disposable Underpads this way. They have them up to XL, not sure of the waist measurement but the Unisex large fits 44-58" so the XL would work. Also, I find that the fitted diapers are a wider than the pull ups (comfortable with elasticized top, but not very wide. Check and see if you mom has this benefit. My mother suffered a massive stroke late last year. After discharge from rehab, she came to live with me. Initially she was not able to control her bladder but the diapers were helpful, I just checked often especially after she drank something; 7 months later, she is now using less diapers due to better bladder control. Good luck.

Plenty of suggestions for briefs - the one from PeeWee57 might work best, since her sister is about the same size (weight at least.) You can try some of the less expensive briefs first - pick up a few from WM to try them (you can check the various offerings online too - Depends shows XL might work for her size - XL: 45-64" waist.)

It doesn't sound like those pads are doing much for her. I would think they are likely going to bunch up, esp given her weight. When I tried using them for monthly needs, mine would tend to get "pinched" in the middle, potentially leading to leakage with that too, and I wasn't even half your mother's weight! If they are for monthly cycles, they probably have a different absorbency criteria. If they are for incontinence, they are probably designed more for a little leakage, not full on flow. The pads and briefs also vary in absorbency like Max, Ultra, Overnight, etc. You might want to try various ones, brand and absorbency, to see which works best.

A toileting schedule might help as well. Going on a regular cycle will reduce how much she would have if she has an "accident."

When we switched mom to adult briefs, the aide and I just removed all her undies and replaced them with the briefs. We did use incontinence pads inserted into the briefs at night before bed.

Definitely give the briefs (try various ones, to see which work best) a try, and work on getting a toilet schedule going.

As for the strong odor, perhaps it's just part of aging, but I do find that urine tends to smell MUCH stronger when fluid intake is reduced. Encouraging sufficient fluid intake might help with the odor - beware not to go overboard as too much fluid can cause problems! The down side of drinking more is more urine, but with a schedule and briefs, it might work!

As others have noted, hopefully you have legal documents in place, so that you have them when you need them and are making plans for future care. As much as many, like you, don't want to put a LO into AL or MC, the downward spiral can become overwhelming, much more so than it is now. Her weight alone is concerning, as you could get seriously hurt yourself when trying to assist her. Even people trained to do it "right" can end up injured, At the least, you will want to hire help, to physically assist, but also give you time to attend to chores, shopping, cleaning, etc., AND time for yourself. You WILL need it. Meanwhile, even if now you don't plan on using a facility, at least check out those in your area, so that if the time ever comes that there is no other option, you won't be scrambling to figure it all out!

(HDIS was mentioned, but not explained what it is. Apparently they are distributors of various types/brands - if they are more expensive, why buy from them? I was able to order from WM and have them delivered for a reasonable price (meet minimum order cost and shipping is free.)

Imho, she may require a thicker feminine pad or an adult diaper. She may have lost her olfactory sense. Many elders have a diminished sense of smell. My late mother did not realize that she was leaking all over the commode (not into) as she could not smell it (or see it since she was legally blind).

I use adult diapers because my mother spends most of her time in bed. I find that the large/extra large STRETCH briefs work best. When I remove a soiled one, I place it in a plastic grocery bag, tie it, and then put it in her lined garbage can that has a lid. Home Depot sells an aerosol lemon citrus scented air freshener that cuts odor down. I spray it in the can until I empty her garbage and I spay a little in her room (away from her). I take the trash out frequently and anytime it has a strong odor. I also give her a quick mini-bath with non-irritating baby soap or Vagisil to keep her skin clean and control odor. When I can, I open windows. I always use a large pad under her in case of leaks so I am not dealing with soiled sheets. I do the same if she is up in a chair. Hope this helps.

Try feminine catheters

I saw a commercial about this product you mix in water from Target Quora .com....it's for frequent UTI. Depends pull ups and Tena overnight pad inside.Good diaper ointment on her to decrease skin breakdown. For floors Resolve Urine Destroyer
works pretty well. Please be careful with your back....this can be really hard for one person.

So sorry correction it is Uquora from Target